Seeking Control: A Sanders Sides Tale

Chapter Fifty

Virgil's P.O.V

Carsen grabs his arm to calm him down. Hunter almost never cries... Dee obviously wants to say something but he bites his tongue, as do the others. I have two choices at this point; I can just leave or I can tell the truth. Tell them that I'm scared... terrified. Will it make a difference? Maybe not but running away won't either. I'll speak with Roman alone. 

"You're right. I know you're right but I just... It's hard and I'm scared. Devin may not be inside me anymore but I swear I can still feel that never ending sadness and it terrifies me. My biggest fear is, always has and will always be... me. I know I'm not just anxiety anymore... You aren't going to like this but I do need to say it so that you know because I don't know if I'll ever be able to say it ever again," I say loud enough that everyone can hear me. 

When I'm sure that everyone is paying attention I say the thing that no matter what is always at the back of my mind. 

"I don't want to be alive... I hate being alive because it hurts. With all honesty I don't know if that will ever change," I explain. Patton tries to say something but I can't let him until I'm done. "Please just let me finish..." I say softly.

I walk closer to Hunter and the others. "Despite that being around all of you makes that sadness go away, if only for a moment. Hunter, you guys are the only reason I am still here. I will make it up to you, all of you, but you need to accept that. Even after Devin is gone that won't change. That sadness won't just fade away. I've tried to be happy and useful, Thomas I will always protect my host. My family... I just need you all to be patient with me because I am trying. It's just that it's hard for me..." I finish saying. 

"How sweet Virgil, aren't you just a peach. Your words have truly moved me... to want to vomit! Come on Virgil! Since when did you become such a wuss!" A voice says from the doorway. 

"Devin! What ar-," I stop myself when I notice who he's holding with his shadow. Roman...  

I darkly say, "Let. Him. Go." 

He only laughs at me before saying, "Make me." He uses his shade spell to go outside. 

"Follow me!" I say before grabbing Hunter and turning us both into a shadow. We follow him until we reach a field. 

"Why did you bring me?" Hunter asks as he ignites his flames.

"Truthfully, you were closest. Besides I'm sure you'd be pissed if I started this without you," I say as my dark magic begins to build up around me. 

"Fair enough," he says back with a smirk. 

"I'll distract him. Get Roman," I say raising a hand towards the sky. 

"Storm Bringer," I tell myself. I use Shade to make my way over and grab Devin by pulling him down into my shadow. 

Once I've put enough distance between us and them, I pull him back up. Dark Beam. I place my left hand on his chest before firing it at him point blank, sending him flying back. 

"Black Blade. Here I was thinking we bonded Virge," he says as his shadow becomes a solid black sword. He charges towards me so I use Towering Tornado: Lightning to block his attack. 

"Dark Wave," I say as soon as my tornado disappears. He cuts through it with ease and counters with his Dark Slash. It makes contact, pushing me back. 

"Red Whip," Hunter says swinging it towards Devin but he uses Shade to dodge it. Immediately after he tries to use Black Blade against me again but I never feel the hit come.