the darkness inside us ; multiship

twenty five

"Alright, before we go in there I want you to remember one thing," Jaime says softly, hand on a doorknob. "He's hungover. He's gonna snap at you, if he even remembers you. Don't take it personally. We sorta had a...bad night, last night."

"What-"

He doesn't have time to even ask the question because Jaime is opening the door and they're walking in and his heart is racing and his stomach is churning because he's been so caught up in finding Mike and now that he has and he's about to see him he's realizing he doesn't know what the fuck to say.

What is he supposed to say to the brother he abandoned for five years? 'Hey, it's me, y'know, the guy who promised he'd come back and then...didn't? C'mere, gimme a hug'?

"The fuck, Jaime? M'sleepin'"

Hearing Mike's voice makes Vic freeze. It's deeper. So much deeper. He's grown up so much. He's gone through puberty and everything; he's a proper man. He's not Vic's kid brother anymore.

"C'mere, there's someone I think you wanna see."

Mike emerges from a corner of the room and it takes all Vic's resolve not to make a sound.

He looks like a completely different person. Both his arms are covered in tattoos and he has a medusa piercing. He's grown what used to be peach fuzz stubble out into a beard. His eyes are bloodshot and his tank top is hanging off his skinny frame.

"What the fuck did you bring that traitor here for?"

...

"You okay? Stitches don't hurt or anything? Do ya need more water? I'll get you some-"

"Gee. I'm okay, seriously. Stop worrying." He grabs Gerard's hands and smiles at him. Gerard hiccups, dropping to his knees next to the bed and stroking his thumb over Frank's cheek.

"I...fuck, Frankie. I almost lost-" His voice breaks. "I almost lost you. I don't...I can't even say how sorry I am, Frankie. I love you. I love you so fuckin' much. I'm sorry I ever made you doubt that."

Gerard's crying by the end of it and it breaks Frank's heart. He didn't want any of this. He wanted it to work so he could avoid this, because seeing Gerard in pain is the worst thing in the world.

"I'm sorry," Frank replies. "I'm sorry I did this to you."

"Don't apologize for feeling."

"Don't apologize for what I felt."

"You felt it because of me."

"I felt it because I'm fuckin' paranoid!" Frank snaps. "I was being paranoid. Kellin put the thought in my head and I just...I couldn't ignore it. The rational side of me was screaming that you could never do that, but the rest of me just refused to believe it."

"That's my fault," Gerard whispers. "I should've told you..."

Frank swallows. He's not wrong about that. If Gerard had just said something, told him that he was trying to find his brother, Frank would've backed off completely and let him do his thing. It would've never come to this.

It would've never come to this.

"You should've told me," Frank repeats. "Even if you weren't cheating I felt so shitty because I thought you didn't think I was worth telling. And it seemed pretty big from how distracted you were. You didn't...you didn't cuddle with me at night, you didn't tell me you loved me...and I know I shouldn't need that constant validation, but I wasn't ready for it to just...stop. It was there and then it wasn't..."

"I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to get your hopes up," Gerard says desperately. "I didn't want you to get all excited for me not to end up finding him. I didn't want to put you through that. You always support me so much in anything I wanna do and when it doesn't work out you feel the loss too and I just...I wanted to protect you, Frankie. I didn't want you to be disappointed again..."

That hurts. Their lack of communication caused all this. Gerard was trying not to hurt him but inadvertently was, and he was trying to do something that would take his pain away but ended up hurting Gerard...it's all a tangled mess that could've been fixed by one of them pulling their head out of their ass and saying something.

"Did you?" Frank asks.

"Did I what?"

"Find him," Frank chokes out. "Did you find your brother?"

The smile that lights up Gerard's face breaks the barrier of tears he's been trying to hold. "I found him, Frankie. I did. He was adopted by a family like, twenty minutes from here? I already talked to moms and they said they'd set something up."

"I'm so happy for you," Frank breathes, pulling him into a kiss. Gerard's lips are soft and the kiss is passionate, full of the feelings they've been holding back for the past couple weeks, and Frank couldn't be happier.

"I love you," Gerard says, pressing their foreheads together. "I know I've been really bad at saying it recently, but I really fucking love you, Frank Anthony Iero. You have my heart and I." He stops, a sob forcing its way out. "I'm never gettin' it back."

...

"Jack, c'mon. Y'can't stay in bed all day."

Jack muffles out a groan and pulls the covers further over his head. He doesn't want to come out. He doesn't want to face the world. Particularly, he doesn't want to face the inevitable conversation with Zack. He loves his best friend to death, but he really doesn't want to deal with rationality right now. He's perfectly fine being irrational and hiding from the world.

"I told Alex."

Everything stops. The panic is back, the icy feeling and the racing heart. He wrenches the covers from his body and sits up in one motion, staring at Zack. "You what? What the fuck, Zack? What the hell is wrong with you? What the hell did you tell him?"

He's been trying so hard. He's been trying so hard to keep it under wraps, keep it hidden from the one person who treats him like he's normal. Alex didn't need to know. He was the only person who didn't treat him like he'd been through something terrible. He wasn't Jack who no one wanted, undeserving of love, kicked out of every foster home he's been in. He wasn't Jack who couldn't eat right. He wasn't Jack who would eventually kill himself because his body was fucked beyond repair. He was Jack, dick-joke making, fun loving, cuddly Jack.

And that's ruined.

"Don't do that," Zack warns, voice a low growl. "Don't act like I killed someone. I told him what he needed to hear, Jack. The kid's fuckin' destroyin' himself! He thinks it's his fault you don't wanna go out with him! I couldn't let him go on believin' that."

"He thinks...he thinks it's his fault?" Jack asks in disbelief. "I don't...that's such fuckin' bullshit, oh my god. I wanna go out with him, fuck, I do, I just...I can't."

"Your past doesn't have to fuck up your future," Zack tells him. "Take a risk. Be with him. See where it goes. He could be your soul mate, Jack, and you're lettin' him slip away."

"Don't gimme that crap." He doesn't believe in it. Everyone has one single person they're meant to fall for and spend the rest of their lives with? It's perfect. Too perfect. Too good to be true. That's the bullshit that happens in movies, it's not real life. Real life isn't a fairytale. Nothing goes the way you expect it to. People who spend their time waiting for their fuckin' "soulmate" are just destined to be disappointed.

Not everyone ends up happy.

"Soulmates?" Zack rolls his eyes. "Open your fuckin' eyes. Gerard and Frank? Geoff and Awsten? Brendon and Ryan? Every fuckin' person here's found their soulmate. They're gonna be together for the long run. And me...I think Rian's it, man." He rubs the back of his neck nervously. "Point is, Alex could be yours. You'll never know if ya don't try. You got him, Jacky. Don't let him slip away. Don't do this and regret it for the rest of your life."