the darkness inside us ; multiship

twenty three

trigger warnings - anxiety, suicide, panic attacks, and mentions of drug/alcohol abuse

"Fuck!"

"Holy shit..."

"Call an ambulance!"

"Whatever you do, don't let Gerard anywhere near here. He doesn't need to see this."

Kellin's head is spinning. He's dizzy and his heart is racing and he feels sort of faint. He stumbles, wobbling shakily on his feet. He's falling, falling helplessly, until a pair of arms catches him and tightens around his waist.

"Hey." Vic's breath is warm against his ear. "Breathe. It's gonna be okay."

"He-he tried..." Kellin stutters. He can't stop shaking. "I don't...I didn't think he would, I didn't."

"You need to breathe," Vic instructs gently. Kellin sucks in a breath too fast and chokes, coughing painfully. He presses a hand to his chest and squeezes his eyes shut.

"What the fuck is going on?"

"No, you gotta stay back." Kellin watches with lidded eyes as Pete body blocks Gerard from entering the bathroom, arms in the air. "You're not goin' in there."

"I'll go where I damn please," Gerard snaps, stretching to see over Pete's shoulder. 'What the hell can't I see- oh my god..." He wilts in a matter of seconds, paling. If it weren't for Pete's quick reflexes he would've collapsed to the ground. "That's not...Frankie..." He wails Frank's name with a cry.

Kellin turns away, turns his head into Vic's chest and tries to breathe. This is too much. He can't take it.

"Someone get me more towels! The bleeding's not stopping!"

Gerard lets out another wail. The guilt just keeps building and building, piling down on his shoulders heavily.

"No! Pete, let go of me! I needa to go, I needa be with him!"

"You can't help him right now. Just let moms handle it."

Gerard sinks to the floor, sobbing.

You knew he would do it.

You could've done something.

You could've stopped him.

He hiccups painfully and lifts his head. Tears are burning at the corners of his eyes and his mouth feels dry. "This is all my fault."

"What the hell are you talkin' about?" Vic asks incredulously. "How is it your fault?"

"I...I knew..." Kellin chokes out. A sob tears up his throat and he squeezes his eyes shut in pain. "I knew he wanted to do it. I just didn't...I didn't think he'd actually go through with it, I didn't-"

"You!" Gerard rounds on him, glaring. With the eyeliner running own his cheeks and the tears on his face and his red eyes, he looks terrifying. "You knew? You knew and you didn't stop him? You didn't tell me? What the fuck is wrong with you? He could die! Do you have any idea-"

"Stop." Vic's voice is steely calm. "I know you're upset and goddamn, you have every right to be, but you're not gonna take this out on Kellin. He feels guilty enough without you making it worse."

"But he-"

"I don't care," Vic replies. "It's over. We can't change it. And blaming Kellin isn't going to make it go away."

...

"They got him just in time. Pumped his stomach, and now they're gonna stitch him up. He'll be here overnight for observation, but he's gonna be fine."