the darkness inside us ; multiship

three

trigger warnings - self-harm, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, suicide, abuse, and mentions of eating disorders

Alex doesn't sleep.

He doesn't expect to, not after the day he's had. His mind won't shut up and he finds himself close to tears in frustration because he's so tired but he can't fucking sleep.

He misses home.

He knows it's shitty and he should be happy he's out of that hellhole, but he misses the familiarity and ability to be comfortable and not feeling like everything he does is going to be judged. It's like living his entire life on the same level of anxiety he feels walking into a crowded room and it's draining.

He can't forget about therapy and what Jordan said about everyone here struggling with mental health issues. It can't be true. Ashton looks so happy, how could he be hiding a dark secret like depression or suicidal thoughts? It's just a bullshit lie to try and make him feel better and he doesn't like it.

He's done the therapy thing before. It hasn't worked. What the hell makes them think it'll work this time? He has things under control, but no one seems to realize that. No one gives a shit what he wants. They say he's finally got some say over what happens to him and then force him into something that's only gonna make things worse. How is that having control?

A knock on the door startles him. His heart is back to racing, and the room suddenly feels a lot warmer. He's sweating. It's not even hot outside, and he's sweating.

"Alex? It's Ashton, can I come in? I need to grab some clothes."

He swallows hard and does a quick once-over of the room, making sure no blades or bloody tissues are visible. He made sure to throw them all in a plastic bag and put that in the trash to avoid suspicion.

He can't get caught.

"Y-Yeah, it's open!" He calls back nervously. The doorknob turns and Ashton steps inside, smile ever-present on his face.

"Hey! How was your night? Sleep well?" Ashton steps over to his dresser and begins rifling through it.

Alex shrugs. "I guess...I didn't really sleep much..."

Ashton pulls out a pair of black skinny jeans and a grey tank top and closes the drawer. "I know what you mean. I didn't sleep well my first night here either. Everything's so new, y'know? And scary. But you adjust. You learn to relax and let your guard down. You're safe here, Alex. I promise."

Alex rolls his eyes. "I thought I was safe at my parents' house, but look how that turned out."

...

"He was abused."

Ashton slides into a chair at the breakfast table with a sigh.

"What?"

"Dude, how'd you get that outta him so quick?"

"He talked already? Damn."

"He didn't tell me shit," Ashton mutters. "He just said something about not being safe at his parents' house, and why else wouldn't he be? The people that're supposed to love him and care for him and support him were fuckin' abusive assholes. Fuck. Why is the world so fucked up?"

"S'not like he's the first person to go through that," Gerard grumbles. He reaches for his coffee mug and takes a long sip. "Life fuckin' sucks. He's not some precious flower just because his parents hit him a little."

"You're a real pleasure in the mornings, aren't you?" Quinn rolls her eyes and sits down in one of the only empty chairs. "Guys, seriously. Be nice to him, please. He's been through a lot, and he's really scared. Remember how scared you were when you get here? Act like you wish everyone would've acted with you."