the darkness inside us ; multiship

seven

trigger warning - self-harm, eating disorders, anxiety, panic attacks, and mentions of transphobia/dysphoria

Alex is shaking.

Quinn turns on the ignition and pulls out of the garage. It's pitch black outside and there are no cars on the road, which is to be expected considering it's almost 2 in the morning.

There's nothing for him to fixate on except the situation, and it's making him anxious as fuck. Quinn kept her composure throughout that, but maybe it was because she didn't want to make things worse. Maybe she's taking him somewhere to yell at him without anyone at the house knowing. Maybe the other shoe is finally going to drop.

He knew things weren't going to stay good for long.

Quinn puts the car into park and he looks around. They're on top of a grassy hill that overlooks what he assumes to be the town they live in. It's beautiful. The stars are shining brightly next to the luminescent moon, and when Alex follows Quinn to sit down on the top of the hall, he can see the entire town. The view is breathtaking.

"You've been here almost a month now, I just wanted to check in, see how you're doing," Quinn says gently. "Considering what I just saw, I think it's needed. I'm sorry it's been a whirlwind. That's just kinda how it is around here. With fifteen teenagers, someone's always got drama going on."

"I didn't mean to," Alex confesses. The view is so calming. He's staring out at the expanse of land below them, trying to take it all in. It's making this conversation infinitely easier. "It just...happened? It sounds messed up, but...I've never felt better. I haven't felt this good in so long. My house...it was bad. This is such a step up, god, you have no idea..."

Quinn smiles. "That's good. Jor and I try to give you guys as much freedom as we think you can handle. We don't wanna be strict. We hate yelling and dishing out punishments is even worse.

"I love it here," he tells her honestly. "I finally feel like I have people I can rely on and I've never had that before but I can't imagine life without it."

"You've come a long way in a month, kid," Quinn chuckles. "I thought it'd take you so much longer to adjust. We try not to go off your guys' files too much, but we did read it, and from what you've been through...you really surprised me, kiddo. I'm proud of you."

He's weird with compliments. He always has been. He doesn't know what to say or do and it always makes him anxious because he never wants the person to feel like he doesn't appreciate it. He does, almost too much, because he can never put his appreciation into words. "I was talking to Gerard and Frank, a while back, and they told me...they told me to ask you about something?"

Quinn nods. "Yeah, that's why I brought you here. I do wanna talk to you. We get your files before you come to us, and we get to know everything about you, all your history, and I feel like you should in turn get to know about us. Why we decided to do this, why we run things the way we do, and the question we always get...why we don't have any kids of our own."

Alex has wondered that. Rather than running a group home where kids come in and out, why not adopt or use artificial insemination? He hasn't wanted to ask in fear of crossing a line, but he's been wondering for a long time.

Quinn pulls her phone out and taps the screen a few times, before handing it to him. The picture on the screen is of a young boy, probably around 8, dressed in a denim shirt and ripped black jeans. He has pink bracelets on both wrists, and he's not looking at the camera. "Is that...you?"

A nod. "That's me, pre-transition. I was born a boy. I'm transgender."

Alex stares at her.

He never would've known.