the darkness inside us ; multiship

five

trigger warnings - anxiety, panic attacks, self-harm, depression, eating disorders, and mentions of suicidal thoughts

He could get used to this.

It's been over a week and Alex has finally settled into a routine and he'd be lying if he said he didn't love it.

He has friends. He has the closest thing to parents. He has people. He has people who actually give a shit about him for once in his life. He has affection and love and soft touches and a way to calm down after panic attacks, he has control.

It feels so fucking good.

Part of him feels bad for feeling so good, because things at the house are really shitty. They have been ever since all the shit went down with Kellin and Vic.

Jordan and Quinn were not happy when they found out what Vic was doing. It really solidified them as parents, at least in Alex's mind, when they actually grounded him. He's not allowed to leave the house for another week.

Vic's not speaking to Kellin, everyone else isn't speaking to Vic, and Geoff and Awsten still haven't pulled their heads out of their asses and had a real conversation. But it's a distraction from his own head, so Alex'll take it.

"I mean, why the fuck is he pissed at me? S'not like I went through his phone or somethin'"

He zones back into the conversation at the end of Kellin's frustrated rant, nodding sympathetically, pretending he's heard the whole thing.

They're sitting in the game room, but the TV is off. They've been talking for hours and it feels like heaven. Being around people who actually understand him feels like a dream.

"He's a dick and you deserve better," Jack says, slinging an arm around Alex's shoulders. He smiles, curling up and into Jack, letting his head flop onto his shoulder.

"Alex," Awsten whines, when his body is shifted as Alex moves. He has his head in Alex's lap and his legs draped over the arm of the couch. "Come back..."

"Yeah, get back to cuddling my boyfriend."

Alex freezes. Awsten goes rigid against him. Geoff is glaring at them both from across the room. "What, we have one fight and you go cuddling up to some other guy?"

"Are you fuckin' kidding me right now?" Alex shoots back. Awsten sits up and turns to sit properly, but doesn't look up from his lap. Their bodies are still pressed together so Alex can feel him shaking. "You really think he'd cheat on you?"

"I think you two are acting as coupley as Patrick and Pete," Geoff mutters, looking pointedly at the other couch the two are indeed in the same position as Awsten and Alex.

"I think you don't have room to call us out when you can't even accept that your boyfriend has a goddamn eating disorder," Alex growls. He's shaking too, so hard that Jack can probably feel it, but he's more angry than anxious.

"C-Can I talk to Geoff alone?" Awsten asks quietly.

Alex looks at him in surprise. He was not expecting that. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Awsten replies. He gets to his feet and motions for Geoff to follow, and Alex watches as they leave the room, hoping this doesn't end worse than it started.

...

"What the hell is your problem?" Awsten asks. He's trying so hard to keep his voice from shaking, but it's difficult when his heart is racing and his mind is going a thousand miles a minute.