Crushed | Phil Lester x Reader Soulmate AU

Awkward | Chpt 2

Hello!!

Enjoy~

(Y/n)'s POV

"Avery it's not going away," I said, struggling to balance my phone against bunched up blanket so she could see me on FaceTime. I somehow still hadn't learned that trying to balance a phone on a blanket wasn't the best method, but I don't think I ever will.

"So?"

"What if it's my soulmate? And I have no clue who it is, where I'll meet them if I even will? I can't be crushed Avery I just can't."

"Would you calm down? It's only been a week."

"No this is serious--okay what the hell why won't this stay up?!"

"(Y/n) look at me," she said and I glanced at her. "I have a feeling you will meet them, trust me. Why don't you just think of something else?"

"Okay, yeah, I actually called you for a different reason," I said. She propped her head on her hand, her hair falling away from behind her ear. The blue wall behind her bed served as a backdrop to the snapshot of her room I could see in my screen. I was resting in her lap, or rather me in her screen was, and she was laid back lazily.

"And that is?"

"I wanted to ask if you wanted to come to a YouTube thing? It's over the weekend and we get to stay in a hotel!"

"Why do you want me to come?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Because I have no friends that's why, and I hate traveling alone."

"Travel?"

"Well, yeah, it's about an hour, hour and a half, away. By train that is," I said, donning a sheepish look.

"Why don't you tell me these things earlier?"

"Because I'm an anxious procrastinator that's why," I said, gripping at my phone.

"I'll call in and see if I can get the weekend off, I think I'm only working Sunday out of Friday to Monday anyways," she said. As if Avery couldn't be more perfect physically and personality wise, she was a veterinarian. The noble act of helping sick animals compared to me, sat in front of my laptop in the dark half the time was definitely much more admirable.

I had done a few college things and school visits about mental health and online presence, but I sucked at public speaking despite talking to millions of people for a job. It was behind a camera though, and after post I didn't really think about that sort of thing. If I did it would end up in me sat on my couch or face down on the floor. I wasn't even good at meeting people individually either, so I most definitely needed Avery there to support me.

"I don't know why I'm even going, nor why people would actually want to meet me. I'm not suited for convention type stuff Aves," I said.

"Oh come on, you can't tell me you're not suited for this. People love you because you're awkward as hell," she said and I chuckled slightly, "besides, I feel like you'll get the hang of it quick."

"Okay, yeah, so you're coming?"

"If I can get off work, then most definitely," she said. I smiled. We talked for a while, until she fell asleep on call, her face smushed lightly into her pillow. I hung up on my end, picking myself up with my blanket huddled around me. I hopped down the stairs, the balls of my bare feet sticking to the wood floor at the bottom.

I always loved living alone, partly for my introverted self needing that time alone to recharge, and partly because I can make more noise. Of course not to upset my neighbors or anything, but being able to make noise as I walk without waking up my sleep indulgent parents.

I opened the fridge, looking at what I had before deciding I wanted popcorn instead. I pulled out a microwave packet and popped it in the microwave. I leaned up against the counter, listening to the pops and thinking to myself.

I wasn't terribly awkward, I just tended to make a fool of myself in important situations like meeting new people or getting up in front of people. I was rather shy as well, but I could always get over that when I was thrown into conversation. I was a lot worse with those things as a kid. I had my fair share of bumbling over words during class presentations, accidentally letting a few chuckle-worthy words out my mouth as well. Having to do a presentation about Adrenoleukodystrophy in Biology really wasn't my favorite.

I pulled my bag of popcorn from the microwave, careful to hold the corners so steam wouldn't burn me.

Sometimes I felt myself wondering who would even want to be my soulmate, considering I hadn't dated anyone in high school. I was always too quiet for that. So who liked me so much? I placed a thumb in the pocket of my jeans where the tattoo was.

I leaned over the back of the couch, grabbing my phone which I had thrown there and turning on YouTube. My popcorn sat in its bowl on the island across from the back of the couch. I jumped over the back and flopped into the couch cushions with my food. I thought for a moment before deciding on what to cast onto my TV. I put on Shane Dawson, a big inspiration for me in the YouTube community.

I watched over his recent video, enjoying the company of him and his friends. I always wanted to befriend YouTubers, have a little 'squad', but I had knocked myself into a rut in a lonely corner of YouTube. I lived in London, probably really close to a bunch of other British YouTubers, so what was stopping me from contacting one?

They had their respective friend groups, so who am I to impose? I might as well just leave them alone. People had been asking for collaborations, but I didn't know anyone that well. I had never even done a collab before.

People had requested seeing me with popular ones like Zoella or PJ, but those were two very different YouTubers, both of which I had never met before. That's another thing I hadn't considered: I might be meeting some of these people this weekend. I considered who else people had suggested.

There was of course the huge chunk of the Internet who supported Dan and Phil, they seemed to be everywhere and I've gotten them a few times. As nice as they seemed, I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't know who I was with my 3 million subs and a relatively new channel. I'd be surprised if anyone knew who I was. Not to mention YouTubers like Dan and Phil or Louise just seemed too high up for me to even talk to.

Yeah they were people, but they made me seem like a fan with just a little more subs than the average. I scoffed lightly to myself. Like they would even talk to me. I'm sure they were nice, but there was just no way they knew who I was.

I put on a Dan and Phil video next, sinking into the couch. Watching them made me feel small, as much as I liked their content. I couldn't imagine what it would feel like being in he same convention. Who knows if they're even going?

I felt that I related to Dan quite a bit, he was soft and sensitive, and you could tell he was open about his problems, as was I. We both joked around with serious things sometimes, and he was awkward, but he seemed to be able to get over that.

On the other end of the spectrum I related a lot to Phil, silly and goofy, but still slightly insecure about the little things like public speaking or if people would like a new hair cut. He was awkward and weird as well.

Phil seemed to hold the bubbly part of my personality, while Dan held the somber side. I still clung onto my shyness which they seemed to get over, but I felt I shared their awkwardness.

Overall, in the seemingly impossible decision of Dan or Phil, I couldn't really choose, but I leaned towards Phil. It wasn't really personality, but I adored his videos and how he went about his channel. I couldn't lie and say they're not partly my inspiration as well. If I met them, I'd surely make a fool of myself, but then again what's new?

I smiled and let my brain run its course, running over my thoughts before it could relax. When something came to mind it was difficult to let it go without taking time to think.

I just cuddled up and drifted off, listening to the two boys bicker.

~Calymari