Forgive Me

Forgive Me Ch. 32

Im gona start off by saying, even though wattpad is saying this is only one page (or the previous chapters) its rele lik 5 on Word!! hahaha so tht upset me a little!! sry its seems lik im not rele writing anything!! ill try 2 change tht in the future!!

nd secondly i jst reread this chapter, and totally started to cry! it mite b bc im PMSing, but i still think its rele sad!! i think this is my fav chapter too, so please let me know what u thinkk!!! hope to hear from you all!!

cheesehead

Chapter Thirty Two

Jackie

"What do you mean you're done?" Jason growled, "Jackie, what the heck is going through your mind?"

I rolled my eyes, and rested my head back on my pillow. "I don't feel like arguing," I whispered, "I don't have the strength."

Jason opened his mouth to respond, but the door flew open, and everyone jumped. Julie stood in the doorway soaking wet, and her eyes red. "Why didn't anyone tell me?" She demanded.

No one answered.

"Why didn't anyone tell me that I'm the reason no one here has a father," She growled. "Why didn't anyone tell me what was really going on? You all knew, and no one thought to tell me."

"We didn't want to hurt you," John whispered.

"I don't want to hear that," Julie snapped, "Do you really think I wouldn't have forgiven you all if you told me? Do you really think that lowly of me?"

"Of course not," I answered.

"THEN WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME?" Julie shouted.

"Because it didn't matter," I shrugged.

Everyone stared at me.

"What?" I laughed humorlessly, "I'm serious! Well that's what it was for me any way. To me, Jull, you were as much as me as I am of you. I love you the same no matter who your father is."

Tears rolled down Julie cheeks.

"Agreed," Jordan smiled, and then winked at his baby sister. The rest of my brothers agreed, and Jason went back to the matter of me giving up. He continued to lecture me as Julie crossed the room, and crawled into bed with me.

They didn't know how much pain I was in just laying in the bed. The doctors and nurses had tried everything to at least shrink the tumor, but no matter what happens, sometimes it seemed like my body was infested with them. I could feel myself dying just laying in the bed. My heart rate was slowing, and my eye lids were getting heavy. I slowly turned my head, and looked at Julie's upset face. "Give me your hand," I murmured.

Julie rested her hand in mine, and I kissed it. Jason had stopped talking, and was watching us. "What're you," He started.

But he didn't get too finished.

My younger sister jumped out of the bed, and started crying hysterically. "No, no," She yelled, "Not yet. Please, Jackie, not yet."

I just nodded, and stared at her with a small smile on my lips. "You're so pretty," I murmured, "Don't let anyone change you. Understand?"

"Jackie no," Julie begged, holding my hand tightly.

"I'll be there," I promised, gently tracing Julie's palm with my forefinger. Tears gushed down Julie's face as she held to my hand tightly.

"What's going on?" Jason asked, "What're you two talking about?"

"Call a nurse," Julie ordered.

Jason's eyes widened, and he ran towards the phone. "NO," I croaked, reaching my hand out for the phone. My head was pounding, and I just wanted to groan loudly.

"I'm getting Mom," John whispered, and then rushed out the door.

"You won't miss me," I promised.

"How could you say that?" Julie accused, "Please Jackie, it's not over yet."

"Yes it is," I sighed, "It's the end of the road for me. Please don't argue with me now. Let's just talk about happy moments."

Jordan picked up on it right away. He sat on the bottom of the bed, and gave a small smile. "Remember when you got stuck in that tree," Jordan whispered, "You and I were outside wrestling, and I started chasing you around. You thought it would be smart to climb up a tree. When you did, you got stuck."

"Yeah," I smiled, "And someone just laughed instead of helping me down."

"I remember that," Jason laughed, "I was playing with Julie when James ran in to come get me. James was in full panic attack too."

"Well so was Jackie," Jordan chuckled.

I gave a small weak smile. They continued to talk, trying to cheer me up a little. Nothing worked though, because I still felt the tight grip of Julie's hand in mine. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her head hung, and tears slowly falling off her chin. Her eyes were bloodshot, but she tried to keep her eyes squinted so that they were hard to see. I saw though. I always saw.

John walked in with Mom, and everyone got quiet. There was tension between me and her. Mom just stared at me as if she could hardly tell who I was. She looked around, like she was wondering why I was there. Mom had never really come to visit me in the hospital though, so something like that had to be a little shock for her. "Hi Mom," I finally whispered.

"Well Jacqueline," Mom tsked, "You're breaking a lot of hearts here."

"It's not my fault," I murmured.

"Well whose is it then?" Mom chuckled.

"I don't know," I murmured. Mom nodded, and sat down in the chair Julie always sat in. Julie made a small sound of protest, but stayed sitting on the edge of my bed.

Julie's breathing was ragged. She tried to take in calm breaths, but it wasn't working. I slowly lifted my hand, and brushed it through her hair. "Hush," I whispered, but she was just shaking her head.

"I...I can't," She stammered, "Jack-k-kie. See?"

I chuckled silently. "Don't worry," I said, once again tracing her palm with my forefinger.

Julie looked down at me, and a tear fell on my shoulder. I looked up at Julie, and saw her as a baby. She was a baby who needed a Mom, but didn't have one. Instead Julie was given four older brothers and an older sister. Maybe that was all she needed. So I felt guilty that I was leaving her. Sometimes though, I needed to think of myself.

I held tightly to Julie's hand, and remembered all of the times we spent together. Julie was always fascinated by me. She would steal my clothes, makeup, shoes, and even bras. When I was first kissed, Julie wanted all of the details. Sometimes Julie and I would lie in my bed, and stare up at the glow in the dark stars I put up. We would lay next to each other and each plan our weddings. Julie was supposed to be my maid of honor. I was supposed to be hers. I had friends, yes, but Julie was my best friend. Julie didn't like turning to anyone but me. I would hold her tightly, and assure her that everything was going to be alright. So that's what I did.

"Jull," I murmured, and she looked at me. "Everything is going to be alright. Okay? Everything."

I took in a deep breath as I watched Julie's bottom lip quiver. "I love you," I said, and then closed my eyes. I heard Julie scream my name, but everything was slowly starting to drift away- the pain, the sounds, and the rest of my senses. Soon I felt alone. Then I couldn't feel anything.