Forgive Me

Forgive Me Ch. 28

* Hey guys! AN before u start reading!

I'm sooooo sorry i havent posted to this lately. Personally this isn't my favorite story, so i feel lik no ones going 2 like it. so please dnt be 2 harsh! I went to Cali at the end of august and school started the day I got back, so I rele havent had time to post at all!

So ill post a lot more now 2 make up for it:D

also, Im posting a new story, which im currently writing (as of september 18, 2010) called "Soul Sucking Monsters" Im still undecided about the title, so if u read the first chapter or 2 and think of a better one, let me kno! Yeah im rele indesisive about the title, because I have no clue wat 2 name it! so please check it out wen u get a chance:D*

Chapter Twenty Eight

On the day of Lacey's funeral, I was allowed to leave the hospital. The only way I was able to leave though, was with a nurse always by my side. I also had to have tubes up my nose for oxygen just in case I became out of breath. I had to miss the viewing, but I was able to attend the funeral. I stood next to my nurse, Heather- would I ask for any other nurse?-and of course Julie. I held tight to Julie's hand as I stared at the open casket.

"Good to see you on your feet Jack," Jason smiled.

"I wouldn't miss this," I murmured.

Jason nodded, and entered the pew with the rest of our brothers. In the pew next to us was Lacey's family. The funeral hadn't even started, and Mrs. Doeworth was bawling her eyes out. Mr. Doeworth had his arm around her, preventing her from quivering further.

When the funeral began, everything was really a blur for me. Tears filmed my eyes, as I listened to the words dedicated to Lacey. She was so young, and didn't deserve to go like she did. She was a quiet girl, she always had been, but she was also a great listener, and I always felt like I could cry in front of her. Though I normally didn't cry, I did then. I cried in front of Lacey, and let her listen to what I was thinking. I knew that somewhere in heaven Lacey was listening. Somewhere, maybe not heaven, I knew Lacey was listening to my thoughts, and I didn't mind.

I looked over, and saw tears slowly roll down my brother's faces. I was clearly shocked. It was hard for Jason to remember Lacey's name, but yet he cried. Jordan didn't give a flying hoot that Julie was close personal friends with Lacey, but yet he cried. John had no clue who Lacey was, though Julie and I even both hung out with her, and yet he cried. James could count on one hand how many times he met Lacey, but yet he still cried. They all cried, because everyone knew that Julie was Lacey's closest friend, and now Lacey was gone.

Tears continued to slide down my face. I wiped them away with the tips of my fingers, and then looked over at Lacey's family again. Mrs. Doeworth was crying harder now and slow tears slid down Mr. Doeworth's face. Lacey's sister, Ashley, held a tissue in her fist, and kept it close to her face. Even Lacey's little brother, Aiden, knew what was going on. I thought he was too young to understand, but clearly I was wrong. The whole family held tightly to each other as they looked at Lacey's still body in the casket.

Then, carefully, I looked down at Julie. She didn't look as I expected though. Her face was totally stiff, and she was staring straight ahead. Julie wasn't crying this time, and once again I was shocked. My baby sister Julie, who was so hormonal, she cried at everything, wasn't crying at her best friend's funeral. Did she know I was going to die? Was she trying to be strong? Was she sick of people leaving her? These were the questions I wanted to ask her then, but didn't. Instead I put my arm around her shoulders, and held her tightly until the funeral was over.

When it was, I told my brother's they could go home, and I would take Julie to the lunch-in. Jason just volunteered to drive us there, and pick us up when it was over.

As we walked towards the car, I looked around for my Mom. I left her a message on her answering machine about what happened to Lacey. I told her that this was really important for her to come, because it was really upsetting Julie. I even told Suzan that we were able to drive her. Still, I didn't see her.

I got in the car with Heather, Jason and Julie, as my brothers rode home with Rosie. Jason started the car, and we were about to follow everyone to the lunch-in, when Julie sat up straight in her seat. "Ma?" She murmured, and then was rushing out of the car.

"JULIE," Jason yelled, "Come back!"

Julie didn't come back though. She just continued to run through the cars and people to our Mother. I watched as Julie hugged Suzan tightly, and cried into her. The sight brought a small smile to my face, even though Suzan looked like she didn't know why she was there. "Julie, let's go," Jason shouted.

Julie hugged Suzan tightly, and then came back to the car. She gave me a small smile as she settled in the car. "Thanks," She murmured. I nodded, and then we were off.

We drove down the road, following the cars. When we were there Heather, Julie, and I got out of the car. "I'll call you when it's over," I promised Jason, and then walked into the building, holding Julie's hand.

"Julia," Mrs. Doeworth cried. She pulled Julie into a tight hug right as we walked in the door. "Hon, you were Lacey's best friend, and she was always worried about you. I don't know why, but she did."

"I worried about her too," Julie murmured.

"It was pneumonia," Mrs. Doeworth explained, "There was nothing you could have done. The only way you could have helped was if she had just told you. She didn't though- I'm assuming- and that was her own fault."

"I still feel like I should have noticed," Julie confessed.

"There was nothing you could have done," She repeated, "Please don't beat yourself up about it."

"Mrs. Doeworth," I interjected, "We're so sorry for your loss."

"Yes, thank you Jackie," She murmured, "I'm sorry too. I wish she would have at least told me."

"She didn't tell anyone," I grumbled.

"And I regret that," Mrs. Doeworth grumbled, "Maybe you could talk with Ashley? She's taking it pretty rough. She's also taking the blame on herself."

I nodded, and let go of Julie's hand. "You'll be alright?" I asked.

"Fine," She answered.

I nodded again, and walked over to Lacey's older sister Ashley. "Hi Ashley, I'm," I started.

"Jackie," She interjected, "Yeah, I know who you are."

"Your Mom wanted me to talk with you," I told her.

"I bet she did," Ashley growled, "But you can save your breath. I know I did wrong. I wasn't the best sister, and I should have been there for her. I've gotten that speech from my Dad. So you can just walk home."

"No," I snapped, crossing my arms over my chest, "That's not what I was going to say."

Ashley's hard eyes softened a little, and she put her hands on her hips. "Then what were you going to say?" She murmured.

"I was going to say," I told her, "That everything lives and then everything dies. You can't change that, so why would you think you could?"

"Maybe I could have helped her live longer," Ashley countered.

"How?" I asked, "Huh? How?"

"I could have....paid more attention," She suggested.

"Paid more attention than her own Mother?" I laughed, "I don't think so. The only way you could have looked closer, was if you were looking through her eyes. Is that possible?"

"So?" Ashley pressed.

"So," I told her, "There was nothing you could have done. Nothing."

"Then who is there to blame?" She asked, "Because I need to blame someone."

"Blame me," I shrugged, "I'm going to die soon anyway." I wore a taught smile, but noticed Ashley wasn't looking at me. She was looking at someone behind me. I turned around and saw Julie, who wore a face pure of horror.