He didn't understand. He didn't understand what it felt like to watch him hang out with his girlfriend. I loved him. I've loved him ever since I met him as a rookie. Sure we may not be on the same team but that still doesn't mean I don't love him. I sat there at the All-Star get together at the bar, watching him and his girlfriend talk for hours, or that's what it felt like. I guess he said something because she gasped and stood up and left him. He sighed and ran his hand over his head. He walked over to me and my heart started to race. "Hey Kemba." I said not looking at him. I couldn't. I felt like if I looked into his eyes he'd be able to tell everything. I'd get lost in them. His chocolate brown eyes, so sweet and kind. He'd never really grown out of looking like a 19 year old.
"John?" He said and I looked up.
"I'm sorry what were you saying?" I asked and he shrugged.
"Nothing." He said and he stood up. "Hey um I'll see you later. I've gotta go talk to Rozan." He said. When he called him that a little fire burned inside of me.
"Ok." I said and I leaned back. He walked over and he looked sad at first and DeMar looked shocked. Then they started to talk and get close. Really close. DeMar whispered something and Kemba said no. Then it happened. They kissed. I didn't mean to, I guess it just happened. I found myself standing up and walking out of the bar. The man I had loved for years not only broke up with his girlfriend, but loved another man. I kicked the empty bottle I had in my hand as hard as I could. It shattered some fifty feet away from me.
"Careful you could hurt someone." I sighed as his sweet voice broke the silence of the night. "Why'd you leave?"
"Does it matter?" I asked shrugging.
"Yeah it does matter John." He said and I turned around to face him.
"To who?! Who in there cares that I'm leaving right now?!" I snapped and he sighed and looked at me. His bright chocolate eyes were dim.
"No one, no one in there cares that your leaving." He said and I laughed.
"See Kemba so im better gone that here." I said opening my car door.
"John don't..."
"Don't What leave?! Yeah well like you said no one in there cares that I'm leaving."
"Exactly John no one that's currently in that fucking building cares that your leaving!" He yelled and it went silent. I finally understood what he was saying. "I'm not in that building am I John?" He asked quietly. "Because anyone who cares that your leaving would be out here with you. I don't know what possessed you to leave, but please don't." He said and I looked at him.
"You really want me to stay?"
"Of course." He said. "Now shut your car door and let's go back ok?" He asked and I shrugged.
"Ok." I said not wanting to see him and DeMar together. He smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile at him.
"There's the John I know." He said smiling and we walked back in Silence.
"Thank you." I said and he nodded.
"That's what friends are for." The word friends stuck in the back of my throat. We walked in and immediately DeMar was by Kemba's side. I sighed. DeMar kissed him softly and Kemba smiled. "One second let me talk to John for a little bit." Kemba said and DeMar frowned. "I'm sorry baby." He said and he kissed DeMar.
"Hey Kemba I'm gonna go. I really don't wanna be here." I said and he held up one finger to me as him and DeMar kissed. I didn't wait I just walked out. I wasn't gonna wait for their make out session to be over.
"I told you to give me a second." He said running up behind me.
"I'm not gonna wait for your make out session with your boyfriend to be over Kemba!" I snapped.
"He's not my boyfriend John." He said.
"Really then what is he Kemba cause calling him baby isn't what friends do."
"He's a filler." He mumbled.
"What?" I asked confused.
"Or at least that's what I call him." He said not looking at me. "He's filling in for the person that I really want."
"Well then just get that person." I said shrugging.
"I can't." He said.
"Why?"
"Because I can't have someone who doesn't love me." He said and I sat down on the front of my car. I stood back up.
"You wanna come with me?" I asked him.
"Yes." He said quickly then he blushed. "I I mean yeah. I'm sorry I was thinking something else." He said and only one other thing he could have been thinking of ran across my mind. I got in my car and so did he. I drove over to the beach and got out and sat on the front of my car again. I laid down and looked at the sky.
"I used to clear my mind like this." I said. "I would come out here and just talk to myself about what's going on. Maybe you'd tell me what's going on. But if not I don't care really." I said and he smiled and laid down beside me. "What are they like?" I asked and he laughed.
"Perfect." He said and I could tell he was smiling by how his voice sounded.
"Well what's perfect." I asked him.
"Their funny, not to tall a little taller than me though just by one or two inches. Cute. They're great with people love to talk. Kind caring. Tough, well at least they think they are. Cocky." He said and he stopped. "I I I shouldn't be telling you this stuff I'm sorry." He said.
"It's fine." I said. It hadn't hit me yet who he was describing. "What makes em cocky?" I asked.
"Why you wanna know?" He asked.
"I don't know, I just wanna see if I'm cocky-er than them." I said and he laughed.
"I don't know. Why are you cocky?" He asked.
"Because I'm the best." I said and he laughed.
"Yeah what you said, he's cocky because he thinks he's the best."
"Well how do you know that's why?"
"Because i Just do." He said. "John." He said quietly.
"Kemba." I said and he looked at me. His eyes sparkled in the moonlight. "Damn I wanna kiss you right now." I muttered to myself.
"You've kissed someone before right?" He asked and I laughed.
"More than i should have." I said and he smiled.
"Just wondering." He said and I frowned.
"Why were you wondering?"
"I just was." He said. We laid there in silence for a long time. I leaned my head on his shoulder and he took a sharp breath in. I shrugged it off. "Why would you come here?"
"Cause when is did something I shouldn't have I'd come here and clear my mind." I said and he nodded. "It's peaceful here." He said and I nodded.
"Yeah I felt like I could say anything because no one could hear me. I always said my secrets were safe with the ocean. I never have to worry about it telling because it's never the same wave it's either bigger or smaller when it comes back." I said and he nodded.
"Can I tell you a secret?" He said and I nodded. "I love you." He whispered. Time seemed to stop. "I'm sorry I uh um we should probably go." He said sitting up which forced me to sit up because of how I was leaning on him. He stood up but I grabbed his hand.
"Don't go, I haven't told my secret yet." I said and I stood up and pulled him closer to me. "It's kinda funny, cause my secrets that I love you." I whispered and I kissed him.
