𝗣𝗼𝗲𝘁 𝗠𝗲 𝗔 𝗣𝗼𝗲𝗺

A letter to 6th grade me

Dear Misha,

There is so much that will happen at the end of your 6th grade year, you will not even realize it happened. Please take others in consideration. Do not stir up drama just for your own amusement as this year will be the last you'll see most of these people for the rest of your life.

Mom and David will ask you what you think about moving to the United States. Say what you feel, don't hesitate to say that you are scared of leaving behind your home country. Do not leave without seeing Dara like I did. No one else mattered.You did not even like Gabriela, why would you invite her to your farewell get together?

My dear, do not ignore that feeling in your stomach. That feeling that you are not completely whole, please do not ignore it like I did. Once you move in with your new grandparents, you will try and make it seem as if everything is fine when it's not. We felt alone and we were unsure of what was ahead of us but speak up about it. Do not smile and laugh pretending to be okay. Stop hiding your tear stained cheeks under the covers of the night.

Your first day of school in the United States will be the scariest thing you'll face by far. You know english and you will tell yourself you do not to avoid speaking to others. Do not hide from your problems. The first person you will ever speak to will be your biggest regret that day for the rest of your teenage self. Talk to your peers, introduce yourself to others before you speak to that boy.

If you do not follow this advice, you will rely on this boy for everything and lose the little independence you ever had, for three and a half years. He will ruin the innocence you still held onto so tight.

Do not get carried away with who you want to impress. Do not give up on playing with your Monster High dolls just because Amelia and Karla do not play with their Barbie Dolls. If you become frustrated with work, ask for help from your peers even it embarrasses you. Asking for help should never be something to be embarrassed about. And please, do not be embarrassed about who you are.

Focus on your work. Stop texting the boy that you so much depend on now. He is not as responsible as you think he is. You may not be as knowledgeable or as experienced as your new friends, but you are far more mature to know and set your priorities right.

Bad grades do not mean you are a failure. Our whole lives we had As and always passed our tests because we knew the language we were tested on. An F in math means your teacher decided to ignore your ESOL necessities and it was her fault. Stop beating yourself over it. Stop hiding your tear stained cheeks under the covers of your books.

8th grade will pass by quicker than you think. You will start looking at the new transfer student and be confused of what you feel. Do not claim a label you do not understand. You are inexperienced and calling yourself bisexual was not your wisest choice. Falling for a girl that ignored you is common, but somehow telling yourself that she liked you when she clearly did not, is not. You cannot make anyone love you, no matter how much knowledge you have on her favorite makeup brands and pretend to know all of her favorite Starbucks drinks.

Give people time to process the things they are going through. While you may be ready for what you call a "relationship" in middle school, someone else may not be. Stop going after friends that obviously are toxic and only use you for their amusement. Being alone is okay. You do not have to depend on someone else at all times.

Stop others from making fun of you. The way we say yellow, the way we say definitely, the way we say the letters 'th', the way we speak, the way we forget the meaning of words, the way we forget what to say, it is not for anyone to pick fun at. Do not let Theresa and the other girls in the locker rooms make fun of your body. Once you see how fucked up they end up in high school, you'll have the last laugh (and it will be a satisfying one.) Do not let these jokes get to your self esteem. The way we speak is what makes us unique and our body is ours to judge, not anyone else.

Freshman year will hit you harder than anything has ever hit you before. Truths of your father will be revealed, your only father figure will leave your life for some time, and you'll develop bad anxiety. Stop using these occurrences as excuses for your own toxic behavior. You are not entitled to treat others wrong. And for crying out loud, keep that boy out of your life.

School work will be hard to keep up with but keep your head up. Keep yourself in check and keep up with your incompetent biology teacher. Your hard work will pay off and you will avoid a parent and teacher conference. We were not the only ones going through this. Stop hiding your tear stained cheeks under the covers of a swimming pool.

Do not let anyone take control of you. Many will try to do so and you will be able to ignore said persuasions, but one will get past you. You will not even notice what this guy will make you do and say until it's too late. He will not take no for an answer and you will become anxious at his presence. Speak up. You should not take anything from anyone, and if speaking up about it prevents it, then do it.

Tino's death will affect you more than you want it to and that's okay. Asking to take off a day from school will not hurt you as long as you do not ignore your work.

Beginning sophomore year will feel the most alone as your toxic behaviour drew most of your friends away. Apologize. Take responsibility for your actions, don't let your pride stop you from regaining the trust of your friends. You will be single for a whole year and we will be grateful for taking our own time. Do not let your friends in relationships make you feel any less valid than you are.

School will be easier on you as long as you stay focused. You could have done better but do not beat yourself up over a failed test. Do not fall into your lazy tendencies and help around the house. Mom will really need us during this time. And please be grateful as she has given up so much for us.

The end of the year will be hell as a girl will try and turn her friends against you. Do not let her and your so called friends get to you as you will grow strong and much more mature from this experience. You will start hating a lot about yourself and no matter what anyone else says will change your mind because it is you who has to learn to love yourself. There's so much to hate, you think, but as time passses, we will keep on learning to love ourselves. Stop hiding your tear stained cheeks under the covers of your built walls.

It gets better but it does not. I hate to disappoint you but Junior year will still come with disappointments, people you thought you could count on that turn against you, and and you will wrongly fall in love with others. But you will be able to get over it quicker. Because although I am telling you many do nots, these misfortunate events will make you stronger. You will be able to pick better friends this year and you will be able to love yourself a little bit better.

Just a little, but that's what the rest of our lives is for.

You will not have to hide your tear stained cheeks as great friends will hear your cries and they will share their tears with you as well. You will be able to speak about some of your emotions as well.

Just some though, but we have the rest of our lives to open up for.

Hey...

We'll be okay, I promise. Patience is a virtue.

Te amo hoy y espero que te ame mañana también mi querida niña.

From,
Zoe.