I Wanna Be Your Girlfriend | Nikki Sixx

Chapter 81.

Nikki's POV

"Open the damn door, Sixx!" I heard Tommy from outside my front door. "I'm coming! Christ," I mumbled the last part. I shuffled over to the door and opened it. "What took you so long!?" He exclaimed, walking in my house. "Oh, you know. Just sleeping, not anything important." I replied, sarcasm dripping off every word. "I'm not in the mood for your sass, I'm here about Carly." He said. "Why are you here about her? She doesn't care to talk to me or see me." I said, shutting the door and walking over to him.

"She's not doing good, man. I heard her talking to you in her room last night. A few times." He said. "I wasn't there." I said, confused. "Yeah, I know. The amount of drugs she's taking are making her hallucinate and she's been seeing you." He replied. "Carly doesn't do drugs like that, she doesn't push it ever since she overdosed." I said. "No, she's going to extremes. She's started to do ecstasy again." He said. I shook my head. "Why're you here about this exactly?" I asked. "Dude, do you not care that she's killing herself!?" He yelled. I flinched a little.

"I do care, but she's not going to listen to me." I said. He shook his head. "You know, no wonder she left you. You don't give a fuck about her and you give up on her too easily." He said, walking over to the door. "Fuck you, man!" I yelled. "Fuck you, too! Carly looks like hell! She looks like she's already dead and you couldn't care less! She's basically already at death's door and she's not letting me help! She's dying, Nikki! Do you fucking hear me? Your supposedly other half as you claim, is fucking killing herself!" He yelled. I shook my head again. "Stop shaking your head and denying it! Carly is on the road to becoming a full blown junkie all because you screwed up and you got her on smack!" He continued.

"I didn't get her hooked on it, she chose to do it! Don't pin her shitty life choices on me!" I yelled. "If you just loved her the way she deserves, none of this would have fucking happened!" He yelled. "I wish she would've stayed with Vince, he actually treated her right!" He yelled. He opened the front door and slammed it shut on the way out. I clenched my fist and punched the wall next to me, leaving a hole in it. I looked down at my now, bleeding knuckles. This whole thing with Carly is tearing the whole band apart.

"If we never fucking met this wouldn't have fucking happened. This is all her fucking fault." I mumbled, but as soon as the words left my lips, I felt bad. If I never met Carly, I would have never went for my dreams. She pushed me, she believed in me when nobody else did. I'm an asshole, Tommy's right. I give up on her too easily, but I just.. I can't face her, knowing that I can't have her and she's leaving me. I can't bare to look at her. Anytime I'm around her, I just want to kiss her. I want to hug her, I never want to let her go.

I guess that makes me coward that I can't go and face her, but whatever. I'd rather be a coward than to continue to get rejected by the only woman I have ever loved. I'm so caught up on her because I truly do love her, I know I could go out and get any girl I wanted, but I don't want to. I don't want any other girls, I want Carly and I'll only ever want Carly. I bet she already went back to Vince, just the thought of them getting together makes me sick to my stomach. It's not just that it's because it's Vince, it's because it's not me.

I'm the only one who should be able to put my hands on her, I'm the only one who should kiss her, hug her, love her, nobody else. We're suppose to be together, I've known since the moment I laid my eyes on her that we belonged together, I was too much of a coward to go for it for so long and I finally got her and I messed everything up. I have no idea where she's moving to, I'll have no way of contacting her and that's going to kill me. I need to know where she is at all times, if I don't, I almost go crazy.

I promised to protect her and I can't protect her when I have no clue where she is. The only reason I haven't completely lost it yet is because I know she's at Tommy's right now. I just want to hear her soft footsteps walking around the house, I want to hear her call me baby boy again, I want her to run up to me and hug me, I want her to hold my hands, I crave her touch, fuck. She has me absolutely whipped. I've never been so crazy about a girl before, I've never been vulnerable with anyone, Carly is the only one who's seen my vulnerable side.

I don't want to start over with someone new, I don't want to get to know another woman, Carly is the only person for me, I can't take this break up. I can't take being sober right now. I shook my head to try to get the thoughts out, I walked to my room and went to my stash of smack. I don't want to be sober, being sober reminds me of what I fuck up I am. I need her by my side, she's the only person in the world to help me forget about my past, if I don't have her, I just drown myself in drugs and alcohol to forget. I miss her so fucking much that it feels like there's a hole in my heart, we've been inseparable for almost 8 years, I can't just accept that fact that she's not going to be in my life anymore.

I shook my head again, trying to get myself from thinking. This is why I hate being sober, the constant racing thoughts. I started to get everything set up, once this goes into my veins, I'll be happy again. Or, as close to happy as I can get without Carly in my life.

(A/N: Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed! Please vote, it's greatly appreciated! Feedback is always welcome! Okay bye👻)