Something More ~ Brolby

Chapter Thirty-Six

Colby finished getting ready half an hour later. He had decided to dress up in black and white striped long sleeves shirt, black pants and white converse. Sam had already left a few minutes ago. Probably to meet up with Kat. 

 He stared into his reflection and slowly pulled up his sleeves before examining his cuts. Well, old scars when he was back in Kansas of course. He almost got lost in the past but snapped himself out of it when he got a message from Elton telling him to hurry up.

Colby pulled the sleeves back down and inhaled a very deep breath. Relapsing was so close and he itched to feel the pain once again. He missed it so so much, all these numbness that he was feeling. He needed to do something about that but his thoughts kept drifting back to Sam and his fans. 

He can't do that to them. But maybe what they don't know won't hurt them, right?

Colby got into his car and started the engine. He texted Elton that he will be there in fifteen minutes before he drived out of the parking lot and drove towards the house. He was too messed up in the head to deal with the whole thing but he needed to anyway.

"Uh, hey you guys in here? Sorry I'm late though, got caught up" 

Colby said right as he entered after he realized the door was unlocked. They were expecting him anyways so he didn't see the problem. The house was just as he remembered from last night. He made his way to the pool at the back.

Elton and the others were sitting in a circle at the pool with beers in their hands. Some of them were even swimming in the pool. Brennen was one of them. Of course he had to be there, trying to show off his body. He shook himself out of that thought.

"Oh what's up Colbs? The paperworks are all here. You can come and just sign your name and - Sam's not here?" Elton finally acknowledged Colby who was standing awkwardly at the sliding door.

"Y-yeah..sure. Sam's got some work to do..sorry he's not here. He told me to say uh-hi" Colby awkwardly smiled and signed his name and Sam's.

"Nah..it was totally fine. So it's settled, welcome to the Trap House! Make yourself at home Colby..enjoy ya self" Elton clapped his hands once with a huge smile on his face. A genuine one.

"Yeah...yep. Totally" Colby chuckled and sat down one of the chairs. He wasn't really going to jump in cause he had just showered.

Elton nodded and started to walk inside. Then the next minute were just filled with the roommates coming to him and getting to know him. He was suprised that they bonded that well. He was sure that he wouldn't mind staying there.

After a long day of chatting, the sun was already setting and the others excused themselves out. The only ones left were him and...

Brennen Taylor.

"So why didn't you jump in the water?" Well, his peace was ruined.

"I didn't want to get myself wet. Had just showered and bla bla bla..not that important for you to know" Colby sighed.

"Are you still mad at me, Colby?" Brennen appeared right beside him.

"Yes. No. YesNo? I'm confused Brennen. What am I to you cause I sure as hell not your boyfriend. I don't want to fight with you" Colby shut his eyes tightly.

"Look, the truth is.." Brennen took a sharp intake of breath.

Colby opened his eyes when there was silence. His blue ocean eyes met with the green emerald ones that was literally inches away from him. Then he gulped when Brennen slowly leaned in and grazed their lips before Colby pushed away. Harshly.

"Urgh.. I don't know what the truth is!" Brennen looked almost hurt but Colby couldn't do it. He's not that strong to make sure he won't break in front of the older guy.

"Look Brennen. I loved being friends with you and maybe thats what we should stay as. Friends. You really mean the world to me so I don't want to lose you" Colby sighed deeply.

'I don't want to lose you because I loved you..'

"Yeah..all right. I think that's a great idea" Brennen muttered. He faked a smile.

Colby got up from the chair and hugged Brennen tightly. He returned the hug. Colby pulled away and walked away. Not leaving before he said goodbye and shut the front door.

He stopped at a supermarket and busied himself into buying a six-pack beer. He needed it for tonight. No one would know..he thought to himself as he paid for it. Suprisingly, the cashier didn't ask for his ID. Grateful, he nodded and drove home.

Colby pushed open the front door and saw Sam and Kat at the counter. They were not doing anything besides chatting and whispering quietly. Two glasses of coke were in front of them. Because of that, Colby though that they had probably just came home.

"Hi Colby, how did it go? Officially moving in?" Sam's voice was a bit too cheerful.

"Uh-yeah, it went fine actually. Is he okay?" Colby closed the door behind him and hid the beer behind him.

"Haha..he's fine. After some rest, he'll be back to his usual boring self so you might wanna enjoy him while it last" Katrina patted Sam's shoulder and laughed.

"Take care of him? I think I'll pass..have a lot of stuff to do. Thank you for being here Kat" Colby managed a small chuckle and excused himself to his room. 

Colby silently went to the bathroom and made sure to lock the door. He sighed again as he opened the carbinet and took out the still sharp razor before putting it on the sink counter. He looked at the beers and braced himself then he emptied all six cans.

Colby started feeling dizzy as he slid down the door with the razor in his hand. He pulled up his sleeves and traced his fingers on his old scars. They were barely there anymore. A year and a half has passed since then. Tears were rolling down his  face.

'I am so so sorry Sam..I'm breaking my promise. I'm not strong enough Caroline..I hope both of you will forgive me'

He pressed the razor on his arm. Deep but not too deep, just the right measurement. Blood started to drip out onto the floor. Colby watched with no expression on his face. He slid the razor a little bit to the left. Just a tiny bit. His hands  were getting shaky so he slowly dropped the razor to his side.

Colby sat there, without moving in silence. Only slow and steady sobs..they were quiet, innocent. He thought that he had lost the sense of time because when he came back to reality, the two cuts on his arm had stopped bleeding. Only traces of dried up blood were left.

Colby got up and went to wash his arm in the sink. He scrubbed the fresh scars wiith soap on purpose just to feel the pain. He groaned at the pleasure. Then, he cleaned up the bathroom after his messed and took the razor and slowly washed it. He coughed and pulled down his sleeves.

He walked out of the bathroom and walk towards his bedroom like everything was normal. He flinched when he heard Kat's voice.

"Colby? Didn't know you were in the bathroom..uh didn't see you come in. Goodnight though..have sweet sweet dreams okaay?" Katrina grinned and walked back into Sam's.

Nightmares. Because once he relapsed, there was no turning back. And all of this will be a secret between him and the moon.