Free-Falling

40

Everyone continued to talk and laugh along with Lindsey including Ray and I sat in the corner with a smile plastered on my face even though I wasn't listening.

My eyes wandered around the table and then my eyes focused on Michael who was smiling.

He was smiling and laughing. He was all giggly and I found it.. Adorable.

The way his face lights up when he sees Lindsey, the way he talks sounds so cheery and I found it adorable.

It was absolutely perfect.

I didn't want to talk to Michael and ruin things with Lindsey for him.

But if I didn't talk to him about the other day I may lose my best friend.

But I already lost him.

I was cut out of my thoughts when Michael's face turned to meet mine and his smile fell into a slight frown.

He wasn't wearing glasses and I could tell his eyes were focused on me.

I felt myself look away trying to break the awkward moment.

"You aren't gonna eat?" Ray asked and I looked down at my plate which was still stuffed with pizza.

"Um. Nah. I'm actually not that hungry. You can have it."

"I'm good Gav, thanks though." He replied and went back to the conversation going on in front of me.

Ray was always nice. He was funny without trying and he was more gentle than any of the other guys at the office.

I was glad to have a friend like him.

But he was my only friend.

Eventually I focused on the talk in front of me and Ryan was suddenly talking about how often I go to the bath room.

"I swear he goes every half hour." He said.

"Actually it's more like every 15 minutes." Geoff said taking a sip of the soda in front of him.

"Trust me I would know, I live with it." He finished and I actually chuckled.

Not a fake chuckle but a real one.

"I do not."

"Yes you do you idiot. You go during almost every Let's Play."

"Not true." I said proudly.

"Well Geoff does have a point." Jack said and Ryan nodded.

It was silent for a bit before I spoke up.

"Uh guys... I have to pee.."

And it was true I did have to use the restroom.

Geoff laughed and Ryan was smirking as Michael, Lindsey and Ray shuffled out of the booth we were sitting in.

The gents did the same and we all stood up.

"We'll meet you in the parking lot." Geoff said heading toward the exit.

"I actually have to go too so I can just take Gavin back to the office." Ray said quickly.

I wanted to slap myself on the fore head because Ray was right, we really were going to continue this conversation.

Geoff agreed to what Ray proclaimed and we both headed toward the back of the small restaurant.

"You don't really have to go do you?" I asked.

"Nope." He said and smiled.

"Well I don't either..." I mumbled

We waited until a few cars pulled out of the parking lot before we both sat down at a booth in the back.

No one was around and it was just us, him sitting across from me.

"Gavin I know you are upset about Michael." He said as we sat down.

"It's not that I'm upset Ray, it's that I don't know what to do anymore."

"Obviously you need to ask him why he was upset a few weeks ago."

"I don't want him to think anything."

That's when I started chipping at the lose wood fragments of the table in front of me.

"Like what?" He asked quietly.

I paused before continuing and I wasn't sure how the words would sound coming out of my mouth.

"I don't want him to think I'm gay."

"Gavin," Ray sighed."He's your best friend and I'm sure he doesn't think that of you. He would do anything for you Gavin and you know that."

"But Ray. If what I said in my sleep is true, then what if I am.."

I didn't have to finish my words before Ray bobbed his head.

"Gavin, if you love Michael you need to talk to him." He said slowly.

"How." I said raising my voice a bit before lowering it back down.

"What if I ruin my friendship. Plus I don't know how I feel about Michael. All I want to know is if my words are true or not."

"And then there's Lindsey. Is that why you have something against her?" He asked.

"I don't have anything against her." I said looking him straight in the eyes.

"Then what do you have?"

"I don't know. That's my problem."

"It's okay bud. Whatever you do or say, I will always be here for you. But as of right now we can continue this at the office, we have been gone a while."

I nodded as we both stood up and walked toward the exit.

He was smiling and I smiled too. I'm glad I could talk to him and get a few things off of my chest.

But I'm really glad that whatever I do, I will have someone there for me.