Chasing Zero

Twelve

It took some time, but Sky soon calmed down and wiped his eyes clean with his fists. He sniffled. "Sorry. What a lame way to end the evening," he chuckled humorlessly.

"Not in the slightest," I assured, placing my hand on the back of his shoulder. "You can be as emotional as you want around me. I want to be someone you can spill your concerns and worries to and someone you can come to with whatever issues you have."

"Really?" he whispered.

"Absolutely."

"No matter what happens between us, even if this goes nowhere, I still want to be friends with you."

"Well, that's good. You're stuck with me for a long time now." In a short time, Sky became one of the most important people in my life. He was now a part of my life until the day I died. His friendship would stick around for the long haul. Just as he was stuck with me, I was stuck with him. He was officially one of my best friends.

In the meantime, I needed him to be my boyfriend. This was only the first date, but there would certainly be more in the future. I needed to indulge in as much romance as possible to achieve the full experience of what it means to be in a relationship and have romantic feelings for someone so I can make my books more authentic. Once it's all over, who knows what'll happen. If I liked the romance, maybe we would stay together. But like my mom said, tonight wasn't the night that determined the rest of my life. I just had to take it one day at a time. If my feelings grew into romance, then I would see where we could go from there.

"Tonight was a good night," he stated as he turned on the ignition. "I think it warrants another date."

"I agree." I exited the car after giving him a quick hug.

He didn't pull out of the driveway until I opened my front door, and I waved goodbye before I headed inside. Locking the door behind me, I turned around to find my mom waiting behind me with a toothy grin slapped across her face. I jumped back into the door and yelped, "Jesus."

"I take it your date went well," she sang, shimmying her shoulders.

"And why would you think that?"

"I saw the two of you making out in his car."

"We weren't making out. He was crying."

She pouted sarcastically. "Because you're such a heartbreaker?"

"No, c'mon, mom," I laughed. "Would you honestly use the term 'heartbreaker' to describe me?"

She scanned me from head to toe, tapping her chin with her right forefinger. "I could see it," she nodded before walking to her bedroom.

"Clearly, you are blind," I called out as I walked into my own room.

It wasn't as though there were any hearts for me to break if I even wanted to. No one had ever been interested in me like that before. Except, maybe, a few girls back in high school, the ones who found me to be their Butch Queen. Girls who saw me every day in the hall. Girls I never made a move on until my friends senior year pushed me out of my comfort zone and told me to kiss them. I had no feelings for them besides that high school lust that lost its flare once I graduated. I didn't intend to enter a relationship based on lust. That would be cruel for the person on the receiving end. If I was going to be in a relationship, I had to feel something for the other person.

I agreed to give this relationship a try with Sky because there were feelings for him. Whenever he entered the room, I smiled. But it was the same for Gray or Marcy. It was platonic. I saw him as my friend, but I was also able to see myself dating him. That had to mean I would eventually feel something for him. And we had a great night. We talked, goofed around. It was as much fun as spending time with any of my buddies, and that was exactly who he was.

Besides, there was the trope of people falling in love with their best friend. And people did say that their partner was their best friend. Romance must be like a friends-with-benefits ordeal. We behave as friends, but there are certain perks on the side. I wasn't entirely sure. I'd never done anything more with a person than make out with them. I never had a partner. I only ever had my myself.

With Sky, things were going to be different. We were going to be friends, and there was going to be romance as well. That was how relationships were supposed to go. And I never indulged in it before, so I wasn't sure what it was going to be like. This was going to be an experience for me, one that I was going to need to take note of so I would be able to incorporate my feelings into my books.

Taking notes was always important. If there were any ideas that I had for a book or short story I was writing that I wanted to remember for later, I would pull out one of my journals and write it out to remember for future reference. I had to make sure they were as detailed as possible so I could intricately recall what my exact idea was. And each journal was filled to the brim with specific ideas pertaining to a certain theme. An idea for an action scene, the name of a new band or show, a full plot for a story, or a theme I wanted to write out. It was easier to find exactly what I was looking for that way.

I pulled out a black notebook with a silver crescent moon off the shelf above my desk. Scribbled inside were the ideas I had for my untitled project for Dakota. From scene ideas to names of characters, the notebook was only for this special project. Titles were always the biggest struggle for me to come up with. It had to be something eye-catching yet related to the story and what it was about. Without any ideas for it yet, it was merely known as "The Giselle Rhodes Story."

On a new page, I wrote out all the feelings I felt while on the date, how much fun I had, and what I felt as I sat in my room after the date. I wrote out my confusing feelings for Sky and how I was sure they would eventually expand into something more as time went on. And as I was writing it all down, mom knocked on the door and plopped down on my bed as she always did.

"Okay, but for real now, how was your date."

"A Three," I smiled.

When I turned back to stare at her, she was beaming. "Darling, you are so close to Zero. How does that feel?"

"Like a Three."

She rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean."

"Honestly, I'm at a loss for words right now. I really like him, mom."

"Oh, you like him?" she smirked.

"Again, you know what I mean," I chuckled through a sigh.

"Not this time."

"He's one of the cooler people I've met. There's a lot to him, and I want to get to know him better. He has become one of my closest friends in such a short time. Can you believe that?"

"Some of our closest friends begin by hitting it off right away. So, are you two not going to date then?"

"Oh, no, we will."

"Then you do like him that way."

"Right now, he's just a friend, but my feelings will eventually grow for him in that sense."

"Honey, if you plan to have your feelings grow for someone then that means you already like them," she said before exiting the room and wishing me a good night.

Only I knew for a fact that I didn't think of him that way. I would make him my boyfriend no matter what, but liking him romantically was a completely different feeling. One I haven't been able to feel yet.