Chasing Zero

Six

Things were already set in motion. In order for Sky to become my boyfriend, we needed to establish a friendship first. That was important for any relationship. Before I could be with someone, I had to make sure I could trust them and that they were the type of person I would want to spend my time with.

From what I was already able to gather from him, I could tell that Sky was quite the gentleman. No matter who was talking to him, he treated them with respect. And not the type of respect where he treated everyone around him like authority but rather the respect where he treated everyone like a decent human being. He didn't seem to judge people until he got to know them, causing him to always be open and friendly with others.

In a strange sense, I was almost nervous for him to get to know the real me. Would he still like me after hanging out for a while? Would he judge me and think of me as a weird fact-gathering freak? Or would he think of me as some narcissist because I was proud of the work I'd written? It wouldn't be the first time.

When it came to talking about myself, there wasn't always a lot to say when I was first getting to know someone. The one thing I could always count on to talk about were my books, both what I've read and written. I was proud of everything I've written, so I talked about my process as a writer quite often. Many people found me to be vain due to it. I didn't blame them, as I probably would have thought the same thing if I was just getting to know someone. I just hated to share personal facts about myself right off the bat. I wasn't a very open person when it came to my personality. Writing was the one thing that I knew I could share with people, so I never thought twice about sharing my work. If they didn't like it, then so be it.

Since books were a passion of mine, I wanted a job where I would get to work with them. While I was majoring to become a librarian, I worked a quaint bookshop near campus. It wasn't a chain, rather independently owned by a mom and dad who took it over from her parents over a decade ago.

Every Sunday, people would bring their children to the store where they would hear someone read a children's book out loud. It was a great way to ignite the love of reading in plenty of young children. Plus, it was a great excuse to leave the house. Unfortunately, I was sitting in front of the large crowd with the book 'If You Give A Mouse A Cookie' in my lap as children's beady eyes stared dumbly at me.

Whether it was the attention or just stares in general, I hated it. When there was no need to stare at me, people shouldn't be looking. I wasn't going to start reading for another five minutes, so it was my fault for deciding to sit in front of everyone early, allowing them to stare at me. I hated the agonizing waiting. And the fact that it was children who were staring at me made it worst. When their eyes were vacant, it was like they could look into my soul and pick apart my deepest insecurities without any filters.

I wasn't particularly fond of children. It was always funny whenever I mentioned that to someone, and they would tell me 'Oh, so you hate yourself because you're a kid?' I may have hated myself, but that had nothing to do with my disliking of children. I never intended to have any. If I were to become a parent, I would ruin that child's life, no doubt. But I still worked with children because I knew I would be surrounded by children for the rest of my life, especially if I worked at a physical library instead of an online one. And it wasn't as though I would ever be rude to children or treat them with disrespect. I may not have particularly liked kids, but that didn't mean I shouldn't know how to work with them. So while the job sucked, I knew it would pay off in the end.

Once it was finally time to begin, I stared up at the crowd and smiled. "Good afternoon, everyone." Scanning everyone's face, my smile widened when I spotted Sky in the audience. I told him about my job and how I was working today. He seemed pleasantly surprised as he watched me, but I was more surprised to see him holding a kid with a woman by his side.