Magi: The Tale of Faith and Hope

Decisions and Farewells

"Well, on a more serious note..." Hope said, clearing her throat, feeling a little awkward as she prepared herself to bring up a thoroughly uncomfortable subject. "There's something I need to talk to you about..." she told Sinbad, also glancing a little nervously at Ja'far and Masrur.

"Yes?" Sinbad asked, looking at her with concern.

"Hey, I was thinking of checking on Aladdin again. Do you want me here for moral support, or would you rather I went off somewhere else?" Faith asked supportively, placing a hand on her sister's shoulder.

Hope took Faith's hand in her own and held it in response. She bit her lip and took a deep breath, exhaling as she lifted her head to look at the others again.

"I have an illness you probably need to know about," Hope stated, managing to sound calm. Starting was always the hardest. Some of the tension did leave her body after overcoming the initial stumbling block of getting the first sentence out, but she was still worried about their reaction.

"Ah, that..." Sinbad said sympathetically, his eyes softening a little. "Yes, we already heard about it from Faith—"

"No, dude," Faith said firmly, holding up a hand to stop him. "This is something totally different." Hope nodded in confirmation.

"Thank you, Faith. It's okay, I can take it from here. Why don't you go check on Aladdin?"

"Yeah... okay," Faith said with a small smile, squeezing her sister's hand briefly before letting go. Hope waited for the door to shut behind her again before continuing.

"So... Faith told you about what happened to us during that hurricane?" she asked carefully, holding her arm. It made sense. That explained why none of them had questioned her about collapsing the other day. They already had their answers.

"Yes... We know everything," Sinbad replied, sounding almost apologetic. She could tell he felt sorry for them. The corner of Hope's lips turned up in the ghost of a melancholy smile. She tightened her grip on her arm.

"No, you don't."

"What?" Sinbad asked. Her voice was so quiet that only Masrur could hear her clearly.

"It isn't just PTSD," Hope said louder, managing to sound calmer than she felt. "I-I... I don't usually like talking about this, but I think you need to know... I have one more illness that my sister doesn't... I'm bipolar."

"Bipolar...?" Ja'far asked, while Sinbad frowned with concern.

"Bipolar disorder... is a severe and persistent illness that affects the mind," Hope began, taking a seat across from the king, feeling it might be easier (somehow) if she wasn't standing. "Specifically, it alters a person's ability to control their moods, thoughts, and the way they see the world around them... A person suffering from bipolar will travel back and forth on a very long mood spectrum that they can't control. This includes moods typical people will never experience, such as suicidal thoughts or living in a consequence-free environment where a person experiences a 'god-like' mania and feels invincible. Someone suffering from bipolar is unable to control where their moods fall on this spectrum, or how long that mood will last before transitioning..." She could tell from the concerned, but quietly bewildered looks on their faces that they were struggling to put it into context. "It's the mental and emotional equivalent of randomly and constantly having your body plunged into boiling water hot enough to melt your skin off and water cold enough to freeze the blood in your veins. It's painful, paralyzing, and terrifying. You can't think straight. The transition in between isn't so bad, when you're feeling the same relatively even and comfortable bathwater mix most people live with. But the extremes are unbearable. You never know when you'll be attacked, or whether you'll experience heaven or hell. You can't predict it. And, without treatment, you can't stop it. There's no breathing room. You're constantly drowning. When I'm high, I can do anything, but that only amplifies the pain and frustration that comes later; when I'm low, I struggle to even get out of bed. When I'm high, it can also make me too reckless sometimes. I'm much more likely to engage in high-risk behaviors without thinking about the consequences until it's too late. People can get hurt." She paused to take a slightly shaky breath, hoping her voice would stay steady for her. She was starting to ramble nervously again. "Bipolar disorder can be treated where we come from, but... so far, I haven't come across any suitable substitutes for medication here. The medicines I usually take help keep me stable, but without them..." She clenched her fists as the crease in her brow and her frown deepened. "Our mother had it too... If you listened to Faith, then you should know what happened to her." Hope bit her lip. "She lost her medicine when the first floor of our house flooded, and she... under those circumstances... with everything that happened... It was just too much for her..."