Broken

XXXVIII

POV: Kurt

"I heard Sebastian got his memory back," Blaine says.

We're at the Lima Bean- yes, again- talking about anything and everything. Things seem to have taken a definite turn for the good recently; well, if you don't count my little relapse earlier. I haven't done it again since Sebastian got back, but my need for a blade is stronger than ever.

I smile, nodding. "Yeah, he did. The most entertaining way is how; he was trying to get his memory back with a doctor, and Hunter gave him a kiss for luck, restoring his memory."

Blaine looks relieved, for some reason. "So, are they a thing now?"

"They definitely will be. A blind man could tell that they've had feelings for each other forever."

Blaine chuckled. "True." He checked his watch, frowning. "It's late, we should get back to Dalton."

We walk back in a relaxed silence, intertwined hands swinging slightly. We've held hands quite a bit since the first date; I'm getting more comfortable with him and opening up more. I think it's good, since I won't depend solely on Sebastian this way.

That is, if I ever tell Blaine about my past. I'm not sure how he'll react; I know Sebastian was fine with it, but I'm not dating him. I just feel like I'm lying to Blaine by not telling him, letting him think I'm alright.

"Earth to Kurt. We're here." I blush slightly, realizing we're at the front doors of Dalton. "What's so interesting?"

"You," I say without thinking, blushing even darker. "Just, I was thinking about you. About us."

"Us?" he asks, a light of hope in his eyes.

I bite my lip, thinking. I haven't done this since... well, I haven't done it ever consensually.

A surge of oh-what-the-hell running through me, I lean forward and kiss Blaine. As I feared, it sends me through a spiral of memories, even though his lips are soft and allowing me to pull away whenever.

When we break apart, I can feel myself beginning to panic. The memories, it's all just too much.

I smile softly and slip through Dalton's front doors, leaving a stunned Blaine behind me.

Going inside was not a good idea, I feel trapped, like the walls are closing in. It's all overwhelming, there are students walking through the halls at random. The sound seems as though I'm listening to it from underwater, I feel oddly detached from my surroundings. My breathing begins to speed up, and somehow I manage to make it to my dorm.

I think I'm having an anxiety attack. I've had them before- a lot, actually- and I still don't know how to get rid of them.

I sit on my bed, trying to calm down. Luckily I'm alone and I can't hear the outside noise.

About ten minutes later I manage to calm down reasonably, one thought like an island in the sea of bad memories.

If this is the price of being with Blaine, so be it.