All Fucked Up//Jahren ff

Chapter 25

*chapter warning: substance abuse, self harm*

Joel stretches out of his bed, seeing Ahren sleeping happily away. He stands up, not wanting to bother him as he slept. The last few days have been hard for him to bear, getting through them only by the magical power he liked calling "hidden whiskey." The three past days he got through on a buzz, but nobody caught him. Not even Ahren, who was most keen on watching Joel's drinking.

Joel snuck down into their basement, carefully to not creak any floorboards. He kept his whiskey under the couch they had in the basement. He lifts up the couch, picking up the clear bottle of whiskey, filled only half with a pretty amber liquid.

Today was going to be extra hard, Joel could tell. Days he woke up with a bad feeling in his stomach always were going to be extra hard. This time, instead of pouring a shot glass of the whiskey, he gulped it down his throat, leaving a trail of fire burning the back of it. Joel finished the bottle, instantly getting a wave of dizziness.

He knew he couldn't hide from Ahren and Bel without being caught. Joel smacked the side of his head with the empty bottle before throwing it against the wall, shattering instantly to pieces. His drunken mind feared the punishment he'd get from Ahren and Bel, so he decided to take off instead of receiving the harsh words.

He took two handfuls of money and shoved them in his pockets, and took the rest of the cigarettes he could find in the house before running out of his house. His body waivered as he walked in the streets and into a bar.

Joel hands shook as he pushed the door open with his shoulder. His eyes met the bartender's when he pointed his finger at a familiar bottle, old trusty Jameson. Jameson always did the trick for Joel, always wiped his memory of things he didn't want to think about. It brought him to a higher high, but after that it brought him to a lower low, which made him want more and brought him back to the high high. His drinking was a huge circle of never ending misery that brought him hell.

If only this god-forsaken potion didn't exist, his life would be so much easier. So much happier. This was a potion that gave him momentary happiness, which he was grateful for. It's saved his life. But it's taking his life away slowly. His frail body is turning frailer, his crazy mind turning crazier, and his broken heart turning more broken.

Joel stuck to the well-trusted whiskey, which he held in a glass that was practically sewn to his fingers. He glanced down at his wedding ring that clinked against the glass and cried. He hated that his life had gone to this point. His blurred mind allowed him to think that this was a better way to get through the day, drinking at 11 am.

Joel shook his head as he looked down at the double shot glass and drank it. He had trouble steadying himself on the red barstool, all the alcohol he'd drank this morning was messing with his brain.

"'Nother one, bartender!" Joel yells, placing his empty glass in front of him on the wooden bar.

The pretty bartender shakes her head at Joel, following his command and setting another full double shot in his hands. "You're a mess, boy."

"I-I know, miss, I m-messed up." Joel downs the drink, not even making a sour face.

"It's alright, dear. I believe everyone can have a second chance." She places her hand on his. "You just gotta try hard enough."

"I've already taken my second chance. I can't go back anymore." Joel's teared eyes stare into the bartender's sympathetic, piercing green eyes.

"Looks like there's someone you're married to. Do you think they miss you?"

Joel takes his phone out of his pocket. 7 missed calls and 4 texts from Ahren. 3 missed calls and 5 texts from Bel. "I am-m married, to the love of my life. I can't go back to him. It'll hurt him even m-more if he finds out I'm drinking again."