All Fucked Up//Jahren ff

Chapter 20

As Ahren stretched across his bed in the early morning light, he felt an awkward emptiness linger beside him, where Joel's spot where he slept seemed to be open.

He huffed, wanting to cuddle up close to Joel. Instead, he sat there, sprawled out on the bed in the shape of a starfish, wishing Joel was there. Ahren wondered where Joel could be, maybe grocery shopping, maybe he went to a photo shoot or interview.

Ahren rolls out of bed in a slumpy sort of state, he knew he didn't have to do much of anything productive today; it's Saturday. He sees Bel with a cup of coffee in her hand, scrolling through her phone.

"Good morning, Ahren." She looks up at him with a warming smile.

"Morning." He half smiles, still half asleep as he falls into a chair across from Bel. "Where's Joel?"

Bel sighs, shutting her phone off and taking a drink of her coffee before speaking. "He's gone out."

"Gone out? Gone out where?"

"Ahren, please don't freak out, but he's gone out drinking." She chokes back a sob, trying to keep her tears away from the sight of Ahren.

Ahren felt like a giant boulder had been dropped on his chest, a burning sensation brewing inside. His fists clenched without his intention, his teeth gritting aswell. "Why did you let him go?" He growls through his teeth.

"I didn't let him go. He went, and I begged and pleaded that he didn't, but he wouldn't listen to me. I'm so sorry." Bel says, not smiling for once.

"Why? Why did he go? What's wrong with him?" Ahren resists the urge to pound his fists against the table and throwing everything in his sight, the anger and upset overcoming him.

"I don't know, Ahren, I don't know. And I'm sorry you had to find out through me. I'm really sorry." Bel presses a tissue against her eye, drying up a tear before it had the chance to fall.

"Bel, stop apologizing. It's not your fault, it's Joel's. He's the idiot here. Did he say where he went?" He asks, standing up and grabbing his keys.

"Not anywhere specific, just gone to drink. Most likely to some bar in Southport, he used to go there all the time when we were in Uni." Bel explains.

"Thank you so much Bel, hopefully I'll see you soon. I'm going to find him." Ahren storms out of the house before Bel could refuse. "Call me if you need something!"

He hops in his car, throwing the key in the ignition, hearing the engine rev as he slams his door shut.

Ice runs through his veins as his knuckles turn between red and white from his harsh grip on the steering wheel. Ahren could practically feel his hand starting to shake, which he was afraid of. But his anxiety was the least of his worries, right now Joel was in trouble. He pushed the radio on, listening to the heavy metal sort of calm him down.

Pushing the gas pedal with as much force as he was legally allowed to, the usual 55 minute drive was limited to a half hour, Ahren speeding a bit down the highway.

He walked into the first bar he saw, opening the doors and smelling the stench of alcohol and cigarettes. He pushed past at least 100 people looking for Joel, half of his heart was angry that he couldn't find him, and the other half happy, giving him hope that maybe he wasn't at a bar after all.

Before leaving the dirty bar filled with men trying to hook up with attractive females wearing short shorts and crop tops, he walks into the bathroom before continuing his journey to find Joel. As Ahren walks into the bathroom, he sees a familiar face slumped down in the corner.

"Hey! Joel!" Ahren yells.

"Ahrennn go hooome." Joel's drunken words slur.

"No, Joel, you go home." Ahren reaches his hand out for Joel to grab.

Joel smacks his hand away. "No 'm stayin' here."

"Come on Joel. Come home with me! Bel's disappointed, I'm disappointed, just fucking come home." Ahren's face turns red with anger, heat pumping through his veins now.

"Nooo! B-Bel is fiiiine and you're fiiiiine. No n-need for me there." Joel waves his hand at Ahren as if to shoo him off.

"Alright, I'm done. Joel, get the fuck up right now." Ahren says roughly. "Don't make me pull you into my car."

"Jus' go alreeeady, you're wastin' your time heree." Joel drags out his words in a dazy manner.

"Joel, do you even fucking realize what time it is and you're already drunk out of your mind?" Ahren crouches to Joel's level, their faces inches from each other.

"Yes I do. Jus' go away 'n leave me alone." Joel puts his hand to Ahren's face, blocking his depressing gaze from reaching Joel's sad eyes.

"Why?" Ahren's anger turns to sadness as he realizes Joel doesn't want to come home.

"I'll call yo-ou tomorrow. Jus' go home." Joel stutters and rubs his nose, followed by a long sniff.

"Get. The fuck. Up. And come with me." Ahren pulls Joel's limp arm up. "Now."

"Let me go!" Joel shouts and pushes Ahren away from him, knocking Ahren to the ground.

"Joel stop fucking around and just come with me or I'll lock you out and you won't be allowed back home." Ahren stands up and stands tall over Joel, still slumped on the ground.

"So be it." Joel shifts himself.

"You're such a cunt, y'know that?" Ahren turns, now speaking with his back to him. "And to think, I always thought you loved me, Joel Birch... You chose drugs and alcohol over me, Bel, and your own fucking son." Ahren flips Joel off before leaving. "Fuck you."

Joel sobs, realizing his horrible mistake. There was no stopping Ahren now, Ahren was a man of his word and Joel knew he wouldn't change Ahren's stubborn mind.

Ahren, meanwhile, pushed through the people not so gently this time, more sadness than anger in his mind now. He wished he could be as heartless and carefree as Joel, where he could drown his sadness in substances, but he had responsibilities he had to take care of by himself now.

He returned home to Bel, the sadness overtaking him and tears streaming down his face, his eyes bloodshot and his throat sore from the bile that formed inside the tight space.

"Did you find him?" Bel asks.

"Yeah." Ahren responds lowly. "He's drunk, and he's not coming home anytime soon."

"I-I'm so sorry, sweetie." Bel smiles, trying to cheer Ahren up. "Come here."

She wraps her arms around Ahren, her loving arms comforting Ahren as he sobs into her shoulder. "It's okay, Ahren, cry it out."

"I just can't believe he didn't even want to come home." Ahren whines.

"I know, it's crazy, he used to be like that all the time. He'll come back tomorrow after he sleeps on the street and he'll be begging you to let him back home." Bel convinces Ahren that everything will be alright with Joel's situation, and to calm down.

"Thank you, Bel. You're the best." Ahren squeezes Bel one more time before letting go.

"My pleasure, darling. Now go dry your tears, and go back to sleep." Bel smiles, holding his shoulders not even a body space away. "It'll make you feel better. It's too early for you to be up and angry."

"Too early for other things, Joel." Ahren turns and mumbles under his breath.

"Ahren you have to let go of that." Bel shakes her head, watching Ahren slowly walk up the stairs into his bedroom.