Piercing Eyes (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 26

The song above
~~~~~

The weight of anxiety on my chest was here today.

"Good morning." Oscar said. I looked over at him but he doesn't look the same. He looks different, my throat grew hot as I stared at him. "You good?"

He's going to think I'm weird if I say no and tell him what's wrong.

Who knows what he'll do if he thinks I'm weird?

"I'm fine." I said walking into the bathroom. What's wrong with me today?

I love Oscar. Usually I would have told him what's wrong. I would have told him and let him hold me.

But I don't want to hold him. I know I don't deserve him-

What am I thinking?

I love Oscar and he loves me, he's been sticking by my side this whole time.

What if he's only doing that just to make it hurt more when he leaves? What if he is just like Him? What if he's acting all nice before being mean and hurting me?

Oscar's going to hurt me.

"It's almost time to go." Oscar said knocking on the door.

I looked up and realized I was on the floor of the bathroom, I haven't even taken a shower.

How long have I been in here?

My legs wobbled as I stood, tears were rolling down my face. When did I start crying? Why am I crying?

Fuck, I just want everything to be normal. Oscar is the man I want to be with for the rest of my life, I can tell him everything.

But then why am I washing my face as if I wasn't just crying? Why are my legs taking me to my bedroom and changing into normal clothes? Why aren't I talking to Oscar yet? What am I doing?

"Ready?" I found myself asking in my normal voice. Just tell him! What are you doing Cole?

"Yeah." He said handing me by backpack. Why am I acting so normal? Why isn't Oscar noticing that somethings wrong?

"Let's go then." Why can't I control my own voice? I looked over at Oscar and felt fear settle. Continuous knots ran through my stomach as I watched him.

He can hurt me.

He's going to hurt me.

Fuck! No he's no. He isn't going to hurt me. You know he isn't Cole. You know he isn't. That's why you let him kiss you and be around you.

"Want to watch a movie this weekend?" Oscar asked as he walked me to class. Tell him no, tell him that you don't feel up to being around people and especially around him. Tell him no.

"Sure, what movie?" I found myself asking. I looked over at him and felt my throat slowly clothes up.

"I don't know, horror movie?" Oscar offered. I looked down at him once again and knew that second I don't deserve him.

I have too many problems for him to be dealing with at such a young age.

"Sure." I said.

"You sure you're okay?" He asked, walking in front of me. I stared into his green eyes and knew I have to tell him.

I don't want you to hurt me. I don't want to get hurt again. I want to tell you. I want to tell mom. I should have, I should have told dad. But I haven't. I can't. But why can't I? It's in the end, the monster is dead. So why haven't I spoken up about this?