New Kid: Ashton Irwin

Chapter 6

I assume he's asleep after a few silent minutes until, "Lay with me?"

One night wouldn't hurt. Where else am I going to sleep?
I wiggle in next to him and he places his arms over me. I decide not to move them because it's freezing in the room and his arms are warm and comforting. Maybe I should just forgive him for the whole Mackenzie thing. He is right, it's his life, not mine.
I just can't believe I blew up in his face like that. I don't know what happened. I was just so angry and didn't know what to do.
Ashton's grip around me tightens and his warm breath hitting my neck in short hits.
I've never been complimented by a guy let alone held like this.
I take his hand in mine and drift to sleep to the feel of his heartbeat.

I wake up in Ashton's arms and it feels so weird. The sun rays from the little window next to the bed hits his face in a train track pattern. His mouth is open partially revealing a tiny bit of his teeth that are white as snow.
I quickly realize we're still in our clothes from yesterday. I crawl out of bed to change which ends up waking him.
"What are you doing?" He lifts his upper body with squinty eyes. His morning voice is low, kinda like when someone has a cold.
"Changing. How bad is your hangover?" I ask putting on nike shorts that I only sleep in with a vintage Spider-Man shirt.
"Not the worst. Have you ever had one?" He lays back down on the pillow.
"Oh yeah. It's been a while though. I didn't like how I acted when I was drunk."
"How'd you act?"
"Mean and just plain stupid."
"Sounds like you don't need alcohol." He has a smug look on his face and I get up to leave the room.
"Wait, before you leave can you do something?" He asks with my hand on the knob.
"What?"
"Take off your shirt."
"What? Ashton, I know we slept together, but-"
"Wait, what?" Was he that drunk?
"Well, we didn't like, you know, but you were drunk, so I put you to bed and then you asked me to lay with you and we fell asleep." He rubs his head and runs his fingers through his hair. Maybe it would've been better if I didn't say anything.
"Next time I say that, do me a favor and don't. I wouldn't be caught dead with you let alone in my bed and the reason I told you to take off your shirt was because I hate Spider-Man." I'm actually use to his insults by now.
"You're just jealous he knows how to treat a lady." I shoot back and leave the room while slamming the door.
I tiptoe to the front door and look out to my home. Not only does it feel awful to have to leave your childhood home and stay with your least favorite person, I feel like a part of me was ripped out. That home was where I took my first steps, spoke my first word, cried, laughed, had sleepovers, thought was haunted for a period of time, had my first birthday party, and was loved.
"Carmen?" I whip around to his Mom standing there. "You ok?" She inches to me.
"Just miss it."
"I know this won't ever be your home or anything close, but I'll try everything to make you feel safe and comfortable." She's such a nice person. I wish Ashton had traits from her.
"Thank you, Ms. Irwin."
"Call me, Anne." She says flashing a warm smile.
"Will do." I reply trying to mimic her gesture.
"Are you hungry? I made pancakes." She walks towards the kitchen revealing chocolate chip pancakes. This morning just got 10x better.
I eat them faster than I've ever eaten anything. It feels like I haven't had anything in ages. I've lost my appetite from moving and Ashton. He walks in wearing basketball shorts and a grey shirt. Such a weird look on him. He grabs a plate and plops down on the opposite side of the table.
I know I shouldn't have laid down with him, but where else was I suppose to sleep?
I actually don't regret doing it though. It felt nice feeling safe in a long time. Too bad he was drunk and probably didn't have the same thoughts and feelings I had.
I don't like him, I like the thought of him. I wasn't even this close with David and that's saying a lot because Ashton and I are far apart.
Anne leaves the room and I prepare myself for all the insults coming my way.
"At school tomorrow, don't tell anyone we live together."
"Dammit. I wanted to shout it to the world." I get up and walk to the sink to wash the dishes.
"Do you like me or something?"
"What?!" I almost drop the plate in my hand.
"You laid with me..." He takes a bite of his pancake. I hope he chokes on it.
"Well, where else was I suppose to sleep? Also, you probably only like people like Mackenzie anyway."
"The fuck is that suppose to mean?" He gets up and fast walks to me.
"You heard what I said." I dry the plate when he takes it out of my hand and throws it onto the floor.
"Ashton!"
"You don't think if I wanted you, I couldn't take you right now? Kiss you over and over as much as I want?" He asks in a hushed tone in my face.
"What is going on in here?" Anne rushes in.
"Just thought I'd help Carmen with the dishes." He says in the most cheerful voice. I hope my eyes are sending a message asking for help.
"Fletch, pick up the broken plate and leave Carmen alone."
Thank you.
"I'm gonna be at the grocery store for a while." She mentions, grabs her keys, and leaves.
Of course.
"I know you want me." I can't even take him seriously right now.
"No I don't!" I try to walk out of the kitchen, but he steps in front of me.
"Why wouldn't you? I have everything I know you want."
"Oh yeah? What's that? You think I want a guy that treats me like shit? That doesn't even care about me?"
"I care about you!"
"No you don't! If you cared about me you wouldn't call me names and be embarrassed that I live with you."
"I might not care about you in a relationship way but, if something tragic were to happen to you, it would tear me up inside. I don't want anyone to hurt you."
"Is that why you hurt me?" The look on his face has gone from angry to sincere and now shocked.
"I want to treat you the way you need to be treated. It's just hard. I've never met a girl that has been like me as much as you are. My mom even told me she thought you were like a female version." I let out a light chuckle and it eases some of the tension.
"Why can't you?"
"I've never had a girlfriend that treated me like a human being, so I guess I don't know how." He looks to the ground.
"You'll find someone someday."
"You will, too." We exchange awkward smiles.
This is how all of our conversations go. We fight, scream, yell and then have a deep and meaningful talk. I actually kind of like them like that. The rush of the fighting and the comfort of the soft words. It's true, though, he will find someone someday. Someone that will love and care for him even after all the shit she'll go through because she loves him.
Mackenzie could never love Ashton. She doesn't have a lovable bone in her little body.
I just hope what Ashton said is true. It'd be fun to have a boyfriend again. To be able to hold and call someone mine. To kiss them everyday. See their darling face first thing every morning and last thing every night.
"What do you have that you think I want?" I remember and ask Ashton.
"I know you're into the whole punk rock look." He gestures to his face.
"Oh god." We both laugh at his goofy gesture.
"I need to stop by my friend Michael's. We're gonna rehearse and I'm gonna be in a band."
"You drum right?" I already know the answer.
"Yeah. You can come if you want...I mean you don't have to, but it be cool. If you don't want to th-"
"Ashton, it's fine. I'd love, too." I laugh and smile to make him feel more comfortable.
"Alright...cool." He rushes back to his room and I put a plate in the dishwasher. He's such a dork. A mean and rude dork, but I'm really happy he's finally going to be able to do what he's passionate about.
Who knows if the whole band thing would work out, anyway. He's just happy even if it's for a little bit.
I go into the room to change and he's in the bathroom, so I put on a Guns n Roses shirt and black skinny jeans quick. I tie a red bandana around my head and slide on black converse.
He comes out in a hideous purple shirt with black skinny jeans and dark boots.
I quickly put on makeup and we leave. It's gonna be so weird being there and I don't know why.
Ashton doesn't have a car, so he has to ride his bike. He plops down and I stand on the pegs.
"Hold on tight, I like to go fast." I wrap my arms around his neck and rest my head on his, so I don't fall.
"Too tight?"
"No, you're good." He pedals fast and I almost loose my balance.
There's almost no cars the whole ride there. We arrive at Michael's and walk to the garage.
Ashton greets who I assume is Michael. His hair is crazy and colorful. He's tuning a guitar while chewing gum.
"This is Calum, Luke and Michael and this is Carmen, we live together."
Calum plays bass and probably sings, but I can't tell because there's only one microphone. He has dark brown hair, bushy eyebrows, and squinty eyes. Ashton and him look about the same height along with Michael.
Luke is a giant. His blonde hair swoops to the side of his face. He stands in front of the mic and tunes his guitar.
"You two live together?" Calum asks. His voice is low and he mumbles a little.
"For now." I'm glad he doesn't tell them about my mom. I just met them.
"You two fucking?" Michael instantly asks. He seems like the kind of person that would ask stuff like that, but why does everyone jump to conclusions that we're together?
"No, Michael." He walks to the drums and sits on the stool.
"I would." The not so little blonde boy says and winks at me. My eyes wonder over at Ashton and he looks like he wants to beat him up. It's so funny that he says he would never be with me, but is so protective when someone else says something like that. I guess I'm sorta like that with him, too.
"Back off." He spits and picks up the drumsticks.
When he's banging on the drums, I didn't realize how buff he was and how sweaty he gets after a while.
They're really good, I hope they stick together.
"Did you enjoy the show?" Luke asks me in a whisper. Ashton, Calum, and Michael are talking about gigs and not listening.
"Yeah. You all are really good." He gets closer to my ear. I'm scared Ashton will look over.
"Here's my number." He slides a piece of paper in my hand. A sinking feeling is in my stomach. "Call me if Ashton does anything. I can tell he gets angry easily." I just nod as he goes back to the guys. It's nice to know there's another place I can go to, but I hardly know this boy.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
We get back to his house and his mom still isn't back. It seems like she's almost never here.
"What did Luke say?" He asks when we go to his room.
"What do you mean?" I hope he doesn't catch me lying, but knowing him, he will.
"I saw you two talking. I'm not stupid." He lays on the bed, pats the side next to him, and I lay down, distancing myself a little bit. I know what he's capable of and what he can do.
"It was nothing."
"If it's nothing, then tell me."
"I said its nothing. Just drop it." We lay staring at the ceiling. I'm not going to tell him what Luke said. I said I wasn't going to leave Ashton, but he is right, he gets angry.
"Can you give me a ride to school tomorrow?" I ask him, even though he might be asleep.
"My mom has work early, so I take my bike. We can do what we did today, I guess."
"Alright." It was really fun being on the bike with him. Laying my head on his felt nice. "But, I thought you didn't want to be seen with me."
"I don't, but I'll suck it up." Thanks, Ashton.
It's already 10 pm. We change into our pajamas, I remove my makeup and brush teeth.
His bed feels so much comfier than mine did. I guess that's a silver lining in having to sleep in here.
"Goodnight." I say when we lay back down.
"Fuck off."
"Fuck you."
We're a different pair of friends.
Are we friends?
I guess.
My dad is in my dreams again, but with Ashton this time. They don't acknowledge I'm there, I don't even think they can see me.
My dad is talking for the first time in one of my dreams and with Ashton.
"Are you taking care of my daughter?" Hearing his voice again softens my heart. Why'd he have to leave?
"I'm trying my best, sir." Sure you are.
"She told me you've been treating her badly." I wonder if dream Dad is the same in every dream. Like he remembers every detail of every dream I've had of him.
"I'm use to everyone treating me like that, but your daughter treats me so good and it's not fair to her." I hate that he's making himself look like the bad guy. I start fights with him sometimes.
"I don't ever want you dating my daughter. She's too good for you."
"Dad!" Oh wait he can't hear me.
"I know..." He looks at the floor like he did this morning.
"Have you hurt her?"
"Not physically."
"What the fuck is that suppose to mean?" He screams at Ashton and gets up front the bench.
"Dad, stop!" I wish they could hear me.
Ashton is lost for words until my dad wraps his hands around his neck. He tries to wiggle free.
"Dad! Don't!" I put my hands on his shoulders, but I just end up going through him.
"Dad! Dad!" I look at Ashton and break down seeing him like this. His face is scrunched up and his huge hands holding my fathers wrists trying to pull them apart.
"I'm sorry, Ashton..."
"Carmen! Carmen, wake up!" I bolt up in the bed. Ashton's on the right of me, sitting up, and shaking me awake. It's so dark in the room I can barely see him.
"Ash..." I throw my arms around his torso. We don't completely like each other, but he's the closest person I have right now.
"I heard you screaming for your dad and saying 'I'm sorry, Ashton...' would you like to talk about it?" I release my grip and lay back down. He lays next to me, but closer than before. My whole body is shaking and I'm trying to catch my breath. I feel nothing, but adrenaline.
"I miss him."
"What happened?"
"He moved to America when I was 7. I see him in my dreams sometimes, but he was so violent and angry in this one. I didn't know who he was anymore."
"Why did you say, 'sorry'? Was I there?"
"Yeah."
"Did I get in a fight with him?"
"How'd you know?"
"I got a fight with my ex-girlfriends Dad. I was an hour late getting her home because of traffic, but nothing could convince him that's why."
"Are you ok?"
"We broke up, but she was too much work anyway." Funny, that's why David broke up with me.
"I'm sorry, Ashton."
"It's just a dream. It means nothing."
"Yeah."