Shadows

21.

'what have you done?' I whisper yelled to myself as I walked back and forth in my room

'why did you do that? How could you. you're so stupid, oh my god' I kept saying to myself until my door opened.

Bella came in, dressed in a hoodie and track bottoms, probably hung over.

'what did you do?' she asked, letting herself fall on the bed.

'I cheated' I walked up to her, one hand on my waist and the other on my head.

'on who?' she frowned

'Peter you dumbass' I hit her leg, which she reacted very dramatically on.

'with who?'

'Blake' I told her and started pacing again.

'wait what' she shot up with wide eyes 'you kissed Blake, again?'

'yes' I told her and put my hands in my hair. 'I'm so stupid'.

'yes' she scoffed 'they're family for gods sake'

'oh my god I haven't even thought about that' I looked down.

'why did you even do it?' she asked

'I don't know-' I shrugged '-I guess I was caught in in the moment'

'you obviously weren't thinking' she said, I stopped and looked at her,

'correct'.

She let out a dry laugh, 'what are you going to do now?'

'maybe tell Peter' I sat down next to her.

'wait, do you want peter or Blake?' she asked

'Peter' I said after a while 'I mean, he's my boyfriend right'

'yeah but do you actually want to be with him, I'm guessing there was some kind of reason why you kissed Blake'

I looked down, a million thought shooting through my head, who do I want?

'Peter' I looked up at her and she nodded

'than you should first go to Blake and tell him that you and him will never be a thing' she slapped her hands on her knees

'and peter?' I asked

'don't tell him anything, it's better he doesn't know'

'isn't that lying?'

'there is a difference between lying and not telling someone' she said it like they were wise words, but I knew they were wrong. Still I decided to go with her advice.

So I texted Blake to come to my house, so we could talk. He answered okay and 10 minutes later he was at my house.

'hello Christina' he smiled small when I opened the door 'definitely less hot than yesterday'

'just come in' I rolled my eyes and walked away, leaving the door open so he could follow me.

We walked up to my room, where we have been a lot these last months. In a friend way of course, always to study or talk.

'want to make out?' he seriously asked when I closed my door

I let out a sharp breath and put my hands over my face. 'yeah, never again?'

'what' he frowned 'were you sober?'

'definitely' I scoffed 'and that makes it more stupid'

'how- you didn't think that was special?' he pointed at my window, probably meaning our make out session in evergreen.

'what happens in evergreen, stays in evergreen' I simply said

'so you just want to drop what we had' he lowers the corners of his mouth and made a little nod with head, he always did this when he couldn't believe it.

'correct' I told him

'it was special you know' he told me, I know it was, but I don't want to believe it.

'stop making it seem like it was special, we were caught up in the moment. It didn't mean to happen, it was just a stupid mistake and I don't want it to happen again'

'you really want that?'

'yes' nodded, crossing my arms, 'that's what I want'

'you know we can't go back to being just friends?' he asked

'why not?' I frowned

'because we kissed, and I can never look at you the way I did' he puts his hands in the pockets of the jacket he was still wearing.

'how do you look at me now?' I curiously asked.

'you're a hot, attractive human being'

'that's' I mumbled after coughing 'honest'

'it's true, you're very attractive Christina' he told me

No Blake, you're the attractive one.

'stop calling me attractive' I put my hand up and closed my eyes.

'I want to be friends, but if you can't do that than-' I sighed and opened my eyes 'we should go back to not talking at all'

'just like that' he shrugged

'yes, like I never gave you back that pen. Like we never talked for hours, like we never kissed, like we never did the things we did together, like we never met'

When I put it together like that it seems impossible to forget, and it probably will, but i- no we need to try.

'if that's what you want' she licked his lips

'no that's what we need to do' I shook my head and smiled tight

'we don't need to end anything' he told me again.

'stop saying things like that' I closed my eyes

He sighed and walked to the door 'goodbye Christina'

'goodbye Blake'

He closed the door, I heard him walk down the stairs and go out the door.

2 fights in not more than a weekend. Great job Chrissy.

'did you do it?' my sister opened the door

'definitely yes' I turned around, removing the hands I had placed over my face.

'oh sis' she mumbled and pulled me in a hug

'and you know what's the worst thing?' I mumbled, burying my head in her shoulder

'what?' she petted my head

'I hurt Peter, Blake and me all by just kissing someone'