* Savannah's pov*
What's happening to me ? I don't understand .
Me and Martin kissed. More than once now .
How it happens I don't know . Just does .
What else I don't know is why I feel like this ...
So many thoughts rushed through my head .
I rolled from under martins arm
Trying not to wake him.
I grabbed my purse and went to the bathroom.
I emptied out the contense on his bathroom counter.
Pens, hairbrush , make up and other things . I only had one thing on my mind , cut.
I frantically searched for my razor I kept in my bag.
After about 2 minuets I found if.
I grabbed the shinny silver piece and slided it across my inner thigh .
One cut then two and three .
Something came over me. Some kind of depression I couldn't control .
A dark deep hole was where I was .
It was like I was Daniel in the
Lions dens . The difference was I wasn't a person in the bible and I wouldn't have to worry about fighting the lions .
It's like I'm at war with myself .
Sometimes I can snap out of it and notice what I'm doing . Sometimes not so much .
A few days went by . Martin never knew .
I was ungrounded now .
School was almost over , about two months left .
Prom was coming up, graduation too.
That day at school sucked . It was a dark , gloomy Thursday .
Failed my math test , didn't get the role I tried out for in the small play , drama with a friend.
The list went on and on .
My anxiouty and depression where high anyway .
That stuff didn't help .
" hey sav" Martin and josh said together
" hi , guys" I said shyly
I felt bad . This was the first time id been around Martin since I cut at his house .
I'd been avoiding him the best i could.
" how are you?" Josh asked concerned
" I'm great !" I lied
" savannah , what's wrong ?" Martin asked
" what do you mean ? I'm
Fine ." I tried to convince him
" your not acting yourself . I've been meaning to talk to you. About the other day " he added
Josh looked at him and winked .
" I'm fine . I am but I really have to go. Mums gonna wonder where I am . I have to be home at 3:10 now . I'm ungrounded but I'm not fully out." I lied
I said bye and hurried out of the school.
I went home and tried to take a
Nap . Tried to get my mind off
Of things . Didn't work.
I decided to write .
The more and more I wrote I felt bad .
Felt like a bad daughter , a friend and anything else I could be .
My depression grew with every word I wrote .
My idea to write my feelings was now a suicide note . One big note.
I apologized for everything .
I went to the kitchen and grabbed a thing of sleep pills .
Taking one after another . Not caring how many I took.
Lost count after 25.
I fingered if it didn't work, id at
Least get a good sleep.
Which was way over due .
I soon drifted off .
" she's still got a pulse " I heared echoing
It was black . I couldn't see anything . Only hear a few things hear and there .
I heard beeping , and a few frantic voices .
" she's got a pulse . We've gotten out 33 so far " another voice said
" she for sure has a pulse ?
Check again . The stuff she took , she shouldn't have one" a voice added in
That repeated in my mind . I
Shouldn't have a pulse , I
Should be alive .
Although , I shouldn't be , I was.
After What seemed like forever I finally opened my eyes.
Once I was able to open them they showed me a white hospital room . I was hooked up to machines .
I was alone . No one was in there.
Alone , scared and confused .
Unable to recall the events that led up to this .
A few minuets later a nurse walked in.
" she's awake !" She shouted down the hall
" huh?" I moaned
" hi savannah . My names Mona. I've been your nurse the past two days " she said
" two days ?" I said in shock
" yes. We pumped your stomach . Total of 56 pills. You've been under for a while . You came in Thursday , it's Saturday " she added
I laid there speechless .
I wanted to die , I thought I would . I thought I could .
I can't even do that right .
" may I ask you something ?" I spoke up
" of course " she said checking the machines
" if I was under that long ... Why'd you help me?" I asked insure of the reply id get
" your a teenage girl . Some things your not gonna understand . We have people go under for an hour and sometimes a month. Sometimes the cause is known and sometimes it's not . You overdosed . It's obvious . In your mind you should be dead because that was the intent . Although , just because your intent was to die , doesn't mean we're going to not do our best to keep you here " she replied
I sat there . Just sat there.
A few hours later I was sent home .
Mom had to work the next morning . She explained she had scheduled me to go to martins , I had to be monitored for a while .
How would I tell him? What would I tell him?
Oh one of your best friends tried to kill theirself .
Like you don't just say that ?
I don't know . Maybe I won't tell him .
The questions and ideas of what to do continues running through my head