Its not the end

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It was time for me to go to martins . I walked into his house , it hadn't been long but it seemed like forever since I was there . I was there just this week . It seemed like years though . Martin met me at the door .
" hey sav " he smiled .
" hi " I said looking down.
We walked into his living room and sat down .
" do you wanna watch tv , play video games ? Cook pizza ? " he asked
" no thanks . I'm fine just laying here " I yawned .
" sav , something's wrong ! What is it ?!" He asked
" nothing !" I replied

He stopped and didn't talk . We finally went to his room and laid there .

"I'm fine. I promise" she said lying through her lips
"If something was wrong , like really wrong ... You'd tell me, right?" I asked concerned
"Of course!" She tried to convince me
"Savannah" I whispered
"Yes" she looked with a certain look words can't describe
"I know something's wrong." I stated
"Nothing's wrong!" She lied
"I also know when your lying.." I said

She looked so down and depressed behind the smile. She was alive but it seemed so different. She was alive but in a body that was already dead.

"... I'm not lying " she said trying to convince herself
"Savannah. It's okay." I said trying to smile
"No..." She said looking down
"Yes" I said smiling
"No it's not!" She said crying

She covered her eyes and buried her face in my shirt giving me the biggest , tightest , safest hug ever. Her crying made me cry. Her pain hurt me, her feeling the way made me feel her pain. She cried and cried. One tear after another ... Streaming down her face.
"It's okay" I said wrapping my arms around her
She shook her head , her face still buried in my chest.
It's okay , I promise"
Once again she shook her head no
"It will be!" I said
Another head shake no
"I promise it will be okay! I'm here for you !"
A muffled "maybe , but you'll just leave "
"I won't... I promise"
"Will to... Everyone does"
"Well I won't , you'll have to get rid of me"
"Your just saying that" she said turning her head to look up at me
"No I'm not" I said pushing her hair away from her face
"Why should I believe you... They all say that" she said looking down
"Because ... " I began thinking
"That's what I thought" she sighed
"Let me finish ..." I said
"Okay"
"Believe me ... Because I I uhh I I love you " I said
"No you don't" she replied
"I do toooooo!!!" I replied
"Why would you... Even I don't love me ... I don't even like me ..."
"Savannah , your perfect ! Your amazing , your my best friend ! Your beyond beautiful ! Ill be there , you can trust me! Your a great person and anyone who would hate you is crazy ... But wait... They don't exist. Their like flying pigs or aliens or even yoda. I love you... For you. Your my best friend and the girl I'm IN love with..." I said kissing her head

She looked at me... She just looked at me. With the post pitiful look on her face... The tears had stopped , and a smile slowly appeared.

"Really .." She asked
"Really!" I smiled
My heart was racing , I did something I never thought I could. It felt good. I told her how I felt and it made her smile.
"So.. You still wanna know what's wrong ?" She asked
"Of course I do! I care about you" I said
"Okay ... Come with me" she said standing up and reaching for my hand
I took it and she lead my into her room.
"Uhmm, why couldn't we do this out there ... .." I asked nervously and say on her bed
"Uhmmm , what if Your mom comes back.. She went to get something" she said
"Why ? Is it that bad ...?" I asked
"...yes " she said looming down "no one knows " she added
"No one ..? " I asked concerned
"No one" she said
"What's wrong ?!" I asked
"Uhmmm ... I'm like ... I'm depressed and such and uhmm well uhmm I uh I uhh I did" she stopped
"You did what ?" I asked concerned
"I ... I ... I ... I can trust you .. Right?" She asked
"Of course!!" I stated
"Okay , I'll just show you" she said pulling off her hoodie
"Show me what ?" I asked looking up
"What are you .. Uh ..uhmm what are uh doing ?" I asked confused
She pulled off all the bracelets and wore
"Look" she said coming closer
"What?" I asked
She revealed cut after cut ... She started from the top of her wrist.
"Savannah .." I said
"I have more ..." She said taking her tank top off
"Is that all ... " I asked crying a little
"No " she whispered
"Where else ?" I said sniffling
She showed me the cuts in her wrist , her upper arms , her stomach , and still had more.
I look down to see her shorts hit the ground , she had more cuts.
They covered the tops of her legs.
She had cut everywhere .. Everywhere she could hid.
"Savannah ..." I said not knowing what to say
"I'm sorry ..." She said crying
I Stood up and gave her a hug, her arms quickly rapped around me, her head tucked in my arm. I felt the tests through my shirt.
"I'm sorry" she whispered
"No , don't be! I'm sorry! I love you! I care about you! I promise , I haven't been around much but I will ! I promise, ill be around all the time! Please stop, don't do it anymore.. Please ...but how did no one notice? " I whispered
She pulled away , whipped the tears off her face , breathed in and smiled
"I'm good at faking!" She said happily
"Seeing me like this all day everyday .. Would you think any things wrong" she asked still smiling
"Well, I couldn't tell but Just know I care & I love you , like LOOOVVVEE YOUU!" I said giving her a hug making her smile
"Thanks. I love you too" she said somewhat smiling
" can you promise me you won't tell anyone ?" She asked looking at me.

I didn't reply .

" please ! People judge so much !" She begged

" when they know you ... Do ... Well you know " she stuttered.

She began crying again . All emotions coming out , flowing by tears . All the sadness and pain . All the hurt and everything the world causes , it all came out. Here and now.

A person I thought I knew inside and out . She was really hurt . It was like she was in a body already dead .

" I promise " I said in reply
" pinky ?" She asked looking down.
" pinky ." I said stretching out my finger .

She just hugged me , still crying .

" Martin , you know why I'm here , right ?" She spoke up .

" what do you mean ?" I asked

" like why I came over so early and why I have to be Uhm ... " she stopped .
She looked down , once again , super pitiful look .

" why I have to be monitored " she added

" I didn't know you had to be monitored ... Why ?" I asked

" I committed tried to kill my.... " she started crying

My heart sunk , it broke into a million more peices then it already was .
I didn't know what to say , I just hugged her and cried . We sat on my bed , her in my arms .

" I'm sorry I haven't been a good enough friend " I started to say .

" baby " she said sniffling . " don't say that , you've been the best friend ever . I love you " she added

I started crying again. I had cried so much the past few weeks I'm surprised I was able to.

I was able to say, " it's not the end , yet . Don't ever think it is " between the tears

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