the Reckless and the Brave (Sequel to Scream, to be Heard)

You Can Choke on Your Misery

That night we officially kicked off tour, which was great. I met my tutor, whose name was Josh. He was pretty cool, and had just graduated from high school. So he kind of knew what I needed to do. This was apparently part of school for him, which I was fine with. I would have to have school for at least three hours of the day for it to be legal, which it totally was. But Alex and I would have to share a bunk so that we could fit one more person. I didn't really mind that, except for that Alex usually goes to bed all hours of the morning on tour so I probably wouldn't get much sleep. But that's tour. And on this tour, the support acts were We the Kings and He is We, who were amazing.

The first night of tour was absolutely amazing. After Remembering Sunday, I went backstage. I could still hear everything. "Okay. Before we sing this next song I'm gonna have someone else come on. I know a lot of you guys know that I have a sister whom I love very much. Her name is Heather and if she'll get off her butt I'm going to make her come out here," Alex said.  Nervously, I walked onstage as Matt waved me on.

Alex made me stand next to him, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. "So about a month ago her best friend, and basically my little brother, committed suicide. After that, we've both made a commitment. We're both going to stop cutting. And if there are any of you guys out there that cut or know anyone that does self-harm, encourage them to stop. Because this isn't the answer, believe it or not. Just know that you have someone that loves you and cares for you, and doesn't want you to do this. Because it's not the answer. There's a way out. And I just want to dedicate this song to everyone out here that's ever felt like they don't belong. Like nobody loves them. Like they're not special, and like they're not uniquie. Like they shouldn't live. Because you should. And every one of you is beautiful, and I'm so lucky to be here. This song is called Therapy. We're going to sing it for you, and if you know it I need you to sing it as loud as you can."

Then he started the introduction to Therapy. I raised the microphone to my lips as he approached the chorus, singing the song even better than the night that I had found him singing it on the bus. As we finished the song, I almost left the stage. But Alex pulled me back on. "Like I was saying. Every one of you is worth it. And before we play our last song I want my amazing crew out here. Everybody, pile onstage. Get your butts up here. Because I couldn't be here without any of you. A lot of bands change crew every tour, but we're one of them that thinks that we're all family. And without one of these guys none of us would be here tonight," he said, putting a hand on my shoulder.

All of the crew walked onstage and got in a big mob as Alex said what they did. "And lastly, is my sister Heather. I could not live without this girl, right here. She's my best friend. Sorry Jack. And the other day she made me realize something. That being a musician isn't about being on the road all the time, singing and playing for all these beautiful people like you. It's about being with who you love and care about, and being able to show people who you really are behind all of the tabloids and all of the social media sites that write stuff about you that isn't true. She's a trooper, and is probably the best kid I know for doing this at an age where everything is messed up and everyone hates you, and this girl has gone through everything a kid can imagine. Give it up for Heather everybody," he said. He walked over to me and gave me a hug, picking me up. My eyes swelled with tears that I let out as he put me back down. "I love you," he said into my ear. The crowd cheered, realizing what he said.

"I love you too, Alex," I said, smiling. He wrapped an arm around me and the guys started playing Dear Maria, and all of the crew members sang along. Then we closed the show with an encore of Guts (I did the harmony that Maja had done on the record), and went back to the bus after packing up. Vinny threw me a cropped shirt that he had found in my size, and told me to keep it. I changed into a red t-shirt and black shorts before going up to the bunk and playing some Blink-182 and reading through my Twitter. Alex slipped into the bunk a little while later as I was playing Pain by Jimmy Eat World, and rummaged through his suitcase before finding a hoodie and pulling it over his shirt.