The horse ride back to Camelot was silent. The kind of silence that made you want to scream just so you can hear something. Merlin rode behind Arthur, eyes locking onto his back. Under his shirt, Merlin could see that Arthur's shoulders were pulled tight tension radiating off him. Merlin bit his lip as he thought of something to say, some way to reach out to him. Arthur had become deadly silent after he finished holding him, Arthur just pushed him away refusing to look at him. Arthur just packed up his things and jumped on his horse. Merlin, of course, followed him like he always did.
"Stop dragging along Merlin. I want to be there before mid-day. " Arthur's voice was rough like he was holding back his emotions.
"I'm sorry... God Arthur, I'm so sorry." Merlin's voice cracked and the tear he didn't know he was holding back fell. His vision went blurry as he jumped off his horse landing on his hands and knees. He doesn't bother getting up he just gripped his hair hard holding back a scream.
He hates me! He hates me, God he hates me. Was all that Merlin could think as he tried to breathe. Merlin felt a pair of hands rest on his shoulders and heard someone crouch down.
"No no no no no no no no," Merlin mumbled continuously under his breath.
"Merlin, I need you to breathe. Come on, I know you can." Arthur's voice was firm like it was when he gave a command.
"I'm sorry. Please please please...." Merlin's rambling became more frantic and his knuckles went white from how hard he was pulling at his hair. Arthur took in a deep breath after releasing it he moved his hands from Merlin's shoulders to where they were tangled in his own hair. He gently sat them on top of Merlins. He moved his head so his lips were directly next to Merlin's ear.
"My dear, I need you to breathe. Nothing bad is going to happen to you, you have my word. Breathe, my dear, breathe." Arthur's voice was soft then, his finger lightly tracing Merlin's. Slowly Merlin's breathing returned to normal, his fingers fall from his hair and landed on Arthur's legs. Arthur's hands stayed in Merlin's hair running through the unruly curls, lightly scratching his scalp.
"There we go. I knew you could do it. You always find a way." Arthur whispered his lips lightly grazing Merlin's ear.
"You usually help," Merlin said letting out a small laugh.
"I am the smart one."
"Yeah, right. Smart as a donkey." Merlin said with a smirk.
"You promised not to talk about that." Arthur pointed out, pulling Merlin's hair as revenge causing Merlin to let out a yelp. After that, the pair went silent the only things that could be heard was their gentle breathing and Arthur's finger fiddling with Merlin's hair. After awhile Merlin spoke,
"I'm sorry. Arthur, I'm so so sorry. I wanted to tell you, I really did but I couldn't. Please, don't leave me." Tears began to fall down Merlin's face. Finally, Arthur looked Merlin in the eyes.
"Don't cry, my dear. I would never leave, I rather die than leave you. It's just you died, Merlin, I watched you get shot and die. I don't care that you have magic, I've known for a while now. It's just you died, I watched you bleed. I felt it. So I need to get you home. So you can be safe, even if that means that I can't see you anymore." Arthur's voice seemed to break at the end.
Merlin pulled away to fully stare at Arthur, to see the sadness that filled his sky blue eyes. "What do you mean you won't see me anymore?"
"I'm taking you back to Ealdor. You're going to be safe there. You and your mother will have everything you need to live a happy life."
"NO!" Merlin yelled he could feel something shaking within him.
"Merlin, please don't fight me on this." Arthur's voice was quiet and broken, his blue eyes filling with tears.
"You don't get to chose. I can't live a happy life without you. It is my destiny to be by your side and serve you. You can't change that."
"I can't know you died because of me!! I rather have to lose you, then have to watch the one person I truly love die! Merlin for once in your life, please do as I say." Arthur's voice was rough and thick. Tears freely ran down his face as he spoke.
"You love me?"
"Yes, Merlin, I love you. I think about you all the time. I care about you more than anyone else. I love you so much it hurts. Sometimes I look at you and its like I can't draw in air until I see you smile at me. You're my other half, you make me whole." Arthur let out a sad laugh as he finished.
"I love you. I love you Arthur Pendragon. More then you know, with everything I am. I love you. And I will fight for that love, you can't get rid of me. I know you are scared, but there is no other place for me in this world then by your side. I'm not leaving, because I love you too much to go." Merlin walked closer to Arthur as he spoke, his hand coming up to cup Arthur's face as he finished.
"You promise?" Arthur asked nozzling his nose into Merlin's wrist.
"Promise. Now let's get home, I'm starving." Merlin smiled brightly at him before dropping his hand and walking to his horse.
"Merlin one more thing."
"What Art-" Merlin was cut off when Arthur pressed his lips to Merlin's. Merlin's eyes went wide and he grabbed ahold of Arthur's shoulders. After the shock passed him he started kissing him back. Arthur's lips were soft and warm, and he tasted of the berries they had eaten that morning. To Merlin it was perfect. After a bit, Arthur pulled away playfully bitting Merlin's bottom lip as he went.
"Now we can go," Arthur said with a smirk before walking off. Life wasn't always going to be easy for them, but they had each other and that's all they truely ever needed.
-The End
