Tried for Love (TSATD)

Chapter 8

Leah

I could feel my blood rushing through me, with all the rage, loud in my ears. The anger boiled through my veins, causing some heat to burn deep in my chest. My heart seemed to had climbed up my throat, a rhythm that pounded so harshly, it left me breathless.

It was not alright. None of it was alright. I thought I had been at least somewhat aware of what it was that papa did behind my back— Hell, I thought that it was all over. I thought he was on the same page as me when it came to that. When it came to illegalities being involved.

There was so much that had to remain a secret, and yet he— He continued his contract with Ninno, he lied and continued doing it behind my back. My resistance towards that business, the despise I had towards those people.. It wasn't for no reason.

  He knew that. If anything, he felt it all fire back all those years back as much as I did. He grieved as much as I did, and I thought he had changed as much as I did. Apparently I was wrong.

Paul Rowe didn't change. No, not when there was money involved. It was the only thing that mattered to him. And it never seemed enough. Not even after all that blood spilled all those years ago.. Almost mine as well. It was him that saved me, but how could it be that it was also him that was continuing that business with all the awareness of the consequences?

But that didn't matter to me. It was him I was worried about.. Him that was exposing himself directly. Him that was truly putting his life in danger.. What frightened me the most that I still didn't have what I needed to save him if it ever came to that. I had made vows, many years ago, and I had done everything to stay true to them. I was not letting it all go so easily.

The wedding was only months away. Once I was married to Nicholas, everything was going to change. I was going to handle it myself, just like I had promised I would. But I couldn't even bare the thought of him in danger before that. If something ever happened to him—

I cut the thought off, throwing my slippers on the side. If something happens to him, you'll move on. Just as you did before. It was what I told myself, what I had always told myself. I knew the possibilities of something going wrong in the world we lived in were high.. Very high. But could I? Could I move on again and do it all from the beginning?

I had no place for grief in my life. No place for tears in my eyes. No one ever had any use of that. Those thoughts of losing what I had left, the only little family I had remaining.. They were toxic. But it was rather fury they caused, because I knew it was him that was putting his own life in danger. Did he forget that there was now someone that would miss him?

I inhaled; closed my eyes. I could've called him a fool, I could've called him suicidal, but that wouldn't had changed his mind. The Mafia was the only addiction in life he had. He surrounded himself with people that were all the same as him.

  Guns and vengeance and blood.. It was what they lived for. Once that wheel started spinning, there was no stopping it. Only breaking it, perhaps. I just couldn't do that.. Yet.

I took a step forward and jumped from the cliff of the rock and into the lake. Nothing mattered at that point. I could not change anything yet. I could not pull him out of there if he didn't wish so himself.

  I could not get away from people like that either, because they were becoming part of my life. It was always going to be part of my life. I had Mafia's blood running through my veins. It was expected from me to perhaps respect it, but nothing— Nothing in the world could make me do what they were doing.