Infinite Chances

Sam: "I Will Stand My Ground."

Did all that just really happen?! What the hell?! Why did i have to see him again? Why did our worlds meet again? Why did we have to work together again? Can't i just live my own life and not see him or come across him again?

All these mixed emotions are ruining my balance, my state of mind, my inner core and my whole being. I get all dis-oriented, unfocused, confused and angry all at the same time. All the pain that i once felt are all coming back to me now. Just seeing him angers me.

I hated him for making me believe that he loves me. I hated him for making me love him. I hated him for cheating on me. I despised him for hurting me. I despised him for making me believe in forever which never really existed between us. I hated him so much. I still do. I would probably hate him until the day after forever. The scratches he made in my heart will forever be in there. Unforgettable, permanent and just there.

But what am i supposed to do? He's here. He's never gonna make things easy for the both of us. He'll always make me remember everything. He'll haunt me. He'll always be the biggest reminder of my biggest failure. Can i do this? Can i live a life with him existing in my own little world again? Can we co-exist?

NEVER! . . . . . . .

BUT . . . . . . . . . . .

What choice do i have? How am i supposed to work and act normal when the very reason of my self reconstruction has now appeared again? I ran away to forget about everything and rebuilt myself. I made a new me, just so i can make new memories that wouldn't hurt the tiniest part of me. I killed him in my heart and in my mind already. I buried him so far away from my system.

But why does he have to come back? Why does he need to make me feel all these again? I don't need his hugs and his explanation. I'm so over that. I don't even need him to come near me. But why did he have to do all those? Why come back and steal my sanity again? Why?

I sat here in my office not knowing how long I've stared at the door, where he came out. My heart is beating so fast and i couldn't feel my knees. I'm trembling so hard and i couldn't utter a single word. My world seemed to turn faster than it usually does.

This is just so ridiculous. After all these years, i should have prepared myself for this. I should have trained myself of how i'm gonna react if given numerous scenarios with him. If i were ready, I should have acted normal and not detach my skeletal system from my muscular system.

DARN!!!!

I have to compose myself. I have to calm myself and get over this madness. I am not gonna be shaken by his presence. I am not gonna let him win over me again. I am not gonna let him ruin what i have built for the past years. I will be fine. I wouldn't mind if he's around or if he's trying to push things between us. I will stand my ground. I will not fall upon his trap. I can do this.

BUT . . . . . . .

What should i do? Be civil with him? Follow what he said? Start anew? No way. There's no part infinity in our story. We're long finished. I know my priorities and i know where i should stand. I am not gonna let myself lose again.

Things will go the way i want them to go and not the way he wants them to go. I'm tougher than ever. I am definitely gonna do what i believe works better for me. Now, I should have my own game plan. Think, Sam. Think!!!

I pushed the intercom's button and called for my secretary. "Zeffiah, please come to my office now. Thank you." I have to do something before he gets into it first. There was a knock on my office door then my secretary entered saying, "What can i do for you, Ma'am?" .

A plan came into me and so i said, "Zeffiah, please send an invitation to Mr. Gabriel Tan for our meeting tomorrow at 9am. Tell him that the whole operations team will be there to discuss to him the progress of the project." "Yes, Super Sam."

My secretary was about to go out of my office when I said, "Oh, and tell him that I personally requested for his presence. It would be more welcoming." And there goes my evil smile.

As i've said, I went away to reconstruct myself. I built a new me. That's what I'm gonna show him. The new me - - - the stronger version of me is ready for him. I am gonna let him realize that i am no longer the sweet girl he used to push around. I'm gonna let him know that i'm tougher than ever and he can't hurt me ever again. I know my game plan.

I know how i'm gonna play my cards. He laid his cards right in front of me just awhile ago. I know just what he's gonna try to do. He's gonna make me fall into his trap again so he could manipulate my decisions and so he could make me follow his instructions like a puppy.

Nah-uh! That is not gonna happen. If i play this right, he'll be out of my way in no time. I'm so sure of that. I know him just too well. He's still the good-for-nothing bastard he once was. He still doesn't care about what people would think and how people would feel with regards to his actions.

I stood up, breathed and fixed my dress. I went out of my office and returned to the meeting I was having with my team. I have my game plan. There's nothing he can do to make things more complicated than it is now. I will win this. I've got it all figured out. I'll put him just where he should be. . . . .

As i went through the details of our project with Gabriel, I couldn't help but feel angry with the idea that I have to work with him again. Though everything has been settled with the two companies, I still get mad by thinking that it was actually me who pulled everything up to have this merge. I've been so preoccupied with the things here in my office, especially with the profiles of the investors. That's why I didn't have the time to review the very profile of the merger! How could have that matter slip right under my nose?! So frustrating.

As i was discussing some new concepts regarding this project, one of my team members said, "Super Sam, I think things would work out great. These concepts are so new, yet very promising!". And another one said, "I agree. Your concepts are so unique now that when you think of them individually, they don't seem okay. But in the moment you put them together, they just make a perfect match!".

That made me think. Things happen to blend in with other things. So, us, bumping into each other again has to blend in with something else. With what then? What is the purpose of this coincidence? Is this my chance to prove him wrong? Is this my time to make him realize what he has taken for granted before? Is this a sign that I'm supposed to let him see my real worth?

MAYBE. . . .

BUT. . .

HOW?!!!!

My plan is clear. I am going to act as normal as I can around him and make him think that I am not affected by his presence or whatsoever. I'll try to intimidate him at times to make him realize that I can stand on my own and that I have my own views on matters already. I've grown more independent while he wasn't around to control me.

My goal is simple. All I wanna do is go on with my life and do everything that my job requires me to. With or without him around, I would still be me. I'd stick to that plan no matter what happens. I have to accept the reality of him being around again from now on. The only difference is that I am no longer under his control. I do things the way I want them to go. That's about it.

The plan starts tomorrow so, let's just see how well he'll do with the let's-start-anew thing he said a while ago. . .