Infinite Chances

The NERVE!!!

Here we go again. I thought I could give myself some time to rest. I needed some fresh air. His presence is just way too overbearing and I can't seem to fully focus on the important things that I need to pay attention to. That's the reason why I asked Jakey if we can go back to our rooms and take some coffee or tea for a little while. I needed to think. I needed to clear my mind. But all to be distracted and again be DISTURBED by the very person I'm trying to avoid. The nerve of this guy. REALLY!!! He just couldn't let me go in peace. He just needs to ruin my balance. Urgh!

When I was already seated, I asked him to take a seat. "Please sit down, Gab. What do you need? Coffee, tea, juice or soda?" -me. He took a seat on the long sofa and he actually lay there. So, bagong lounging area na pala itong opisina ko. Pasensiya naman. Hindi ako na-inform. Sa tinagal-tagal ko dito sa kompanyang ito, mabibilang pa lang sa mga daliri ko sa kamay ang mga pagkakataong humiga ako sa sofang 'yan. And then here comes the almighty Mr. Gabriel Tan na iilang beses pa lang nagagawi dito sa opisina ko eh kampanteng nakahiga na sa sofa ko. Wow! Ang kapal talaga ng apog ng lalaking 'to. Sarap bangasan eh!

"No, I'm so full. Thank you. Can I lay here? I need a power nap. Your presentation was head-wrecking and I need to recharge my braincells. Alam mo naman kung hanggang saan lang ang kaya ng utak ko. I'm sorry." -him.

Ikaw na kuya! Ikaw na talaga ang hindi marunong magbago. Ever since we were younger, he would always clamor about information overload. He easily gets tired when his brain is working to its maximum potential. After all these times, he really didn't change. The personality and the character of this guy are all the same. The mannerisms, the humor, the tact, the aura, the attitude are all so the same. He might have grown more muscular from the 'patpatin' structure way back, lost some hair, but all in all, he is still the old Gab.

"No problem. If you need anything, just call my secretary. She'll assist you in the most accommodating manner. I'll be in another room at the back. I also need a nap." -me. I have my own lounging area in my very own office. Minsan dito na rin ako nagpapalipas ng gabi kapag masyadong marami ang ginagawa ko na hindi ko maiwan-iwan. I entered my sleeping area without hearing him reply. I think there's nothing to be shocked about. I know he has already gone to sleep. I took a pillow and went back to him, only to find him sleeping like a baby on my couch.

"Gab, you can have this pil--" -me. Yeah, he's really asleep. Inangat ko ang ulo niya at nilagay ang unan sa ilalim ng ulo niya. Pagod nga talaga siya. He is just way too lazy to do more than what he thinks he can do. Ganun siya. Ayaw niyang masyadong nag-iisip. Gusto niya, masaya lang palagi. If there are any complications, idadaan niya lang lahat sa smile niya. Akala niya siguro madadala niya lahat sa smile. Ewan ko ba. Ganun lang talaga siya siguro.

I got in my sleeping area and thought of what just happened. I haven't got much sleep these past few days. All because of the current situation. Hindi ko kasi maintindihan kung bakit kailangan naming magkita ulit. Ok sana kung ngkabanggaan lang kami sa kalsada o kung saang mall. Baka kung sa ganong pagkakataon, isang gabi lang akong hindi makakatulog. But given the current circumstances, I am so disturbed. Pati oras ng tulog ko naaapektuhan na. Ni hindi ko na alam kung paano ko siya pakikitunguhan. Alam kong matagal ko na siyang napatawad. Pero hindi ako marunong makalimot kasi eh. Sa tuwing nakikita ko siya, naaalala ko ang mismong panahon na hiningi niya sa'king iwan ko na lang siya... ... ...

"Ano bang nangyayari? Akala ko ba we'll start anew? You told me na wala lang siya. Sabi mo ako ang mahal mo at ako ang pakakasalan mo. Sabi mo we'll try to work things out. Bakit ganito?" -ako.

Halos hindi na'ko makahinga sa walang tigil kong pag-iyak. He was just there, standing beside me, with his poker face. Ngayon ko lang siya nakitang ganito, and this is enough for me to understand na hindi na talaga biro ang lahat. May mali na talaga sa relasyon namin. At alam kong sobrang labo na, even if I try to make broken ties meet.

"Napapagod na kasi ako. Pwede bang bigyan mo muna ako ng space? Gusto ko lang makahinga." -him.

"Gusto mong maghiwalay na lang tayo? Diretsahin mo 'ko. Nakikipaghiwalay ka na ba sa'kin?" -me.

Ano pa bang pwede kong sabihin? Sa kanya na mismo nanggaling na gusto niyang pakawalan ko siya. Gusto niyang lumaya. Ano pa bang magagawa ko? Kahit ano pa ang mangyari, 'yon at 'yon lang ang ibig sabihin ng mga katagang 'i need space'. Wala akong pakialam kung ilang babae pa ang pumila sa kanya. Wala na rin akong pakialam kung lumalandi din siya. Kasi noon, kampante akong ako pa rin ang babalikan niya. Ako pa rin ang legal na girlfriend. Ako pa rin ang papakasalan niya. Pero ang hingin na niya ang kalayaan niya, 'yon ang hindi ko na kaya. Alam ko na kung saan papunta 'to. No matter how hard I try to deny it, alam kong nawawala na siya sa'kin ng pa-unti-unti.

"Hindi naman sa ganun. Mahal kita. Gusto ko lang magpahinga. Sige na. Umuwi ka na. Pahinga ka na rin." -him.

That was all he said and when he turned his back on me, I knew it was over... ...

I woke up from that awful dream crying. I just had to let myself cry for a little while. Hanggang ngayon, nararamdaman ko pa rin ang sakit. I have moved on. Hindi ko lang alam kung hanggang kailan ko mapapanaginipan ang mga tagpong ganun at gumising ng umiiyak. It feels real eh. As if I'm really in that moment and experiencing it all over again.

Knock, knock... ... ...

"Sam, can I come in? The meeting will start in about half an hour and you--" -Jakey.

Nagulat ako sa biglang pagkatok at pagpasok ni Jakey. I didn't have much time to hide the tears.

"Yeah. Sure. Thanks, Jakey. Just give me a moment." -me.

I got up and just as I was about to turn my back on Jakey, he suddenly grabbed my hand and made me look at him again.

"What the hell, Sam? Why are you crying? What happened? Are you okay?" -Jakey.

Jakey rushed to me and wiped away my tears, and that's when I saw him running behind Jakey. Based on his looks, he also just woke up. He stood by the door and watched as Jakey was trying to calm me down.

"I'm good. No worries. I just had a bad dream. Can you wait for me outside? You can have coffee or something." -me.

"Are you sure you're okay? I can get you a glass of water." -Jakey.

I looked back and said, "No, Jakey. I'll have coffee after I freshen up. You worry too much. I'm cool." ... ... ...