Infinite Chances

Longer Than I Imagined It II

"Ang sarap!!! Na-miss ko talaga 'to, Auntie. It's been so long na
hindi ako nakakain nito. As in!" -me. Here I am, eating my favorite
fruit salad that Auntie made for me. This is really my comfort food.
Nothing beats the taste like home.

"Hay naku. Kumain ka pa, Fab. Kailangan mo 'yan para lumakas ka at
tumaba ka naman ng kahit konti." -Auntie. Auntie is here in the
kitchen with me as she wants to supervise the cooking during their
stay here. She wants to make sure that I eat the right food at the
right time. Nakakahiya na pero wala akong magawa kundi ang sundin ang
mga sinasabi niya. Alam ko naman kasi na worried lang si Auntie sa
health ko. And I really appreciate the time and the effort that they
are exerting para alagaan ako. Para ko na talaga silang pamilya.

"Auntie, thank you talaga ha?? Pasensiya na po sa abala ko sa inyo.
Alam ko pong pinag-alala ko kayo ng sobra. Thank you talaga sa
pagpunta niyo dito para alagaan ako." -me.

"Sus! Ikaw na bata ka. Alam mo naman na kapag mahal ng anak ko, mahal
ko na rin. At alam ko din na mahal na mahal mo ang anak ko. Kaya
parang anak na din kita at parang mama mo na din ako. Mainam lang na
alagaan ka namin. So don't worry too much. You'll  be fine as long as
we're here." -Auntie.

"Yun pa nga pala, Auntie. I wanna let you know that Gab and I are ...
... ..." -me.
I was having a hard time picking my words carefully so as not to hurt
Auntie, but suddenly, someone showed up without any prior notice.

Well... Who else than the great ******* ***!!!

"Cole, the helper said that you're here in the kitchen and ... ...
..." -Gab. He was dumbfounded when he saw the person seated infront of
me on the dining table. Judging from the reaction on his face, it's
for sure that he didn't know that his family's attendance is already
complete in my house at this very minute.

"Uhm, yeah. Now, you know. Let me just leave you so you guys can talk
and well, do some catching up. Okay?" -me. I got up and was about to
leave when Gabriel grabbed me by my arm and said, "Hey, what's wrong?
How are you feeling, Honey?".

"Gab, don't start with me. You need to clarify some things with your
mother. I'm okay and there's nothing you should worry about. Just talk
to your Mom." -me. I shoved his hand away from my skin and looked him
in the eye to send him a message. A message that obviously asks him to
explain everything to his own mother because I am in no position to
tell.

"Auntie, I'll just be upstairs. Gab has a lot of explaining to do. If
you ever need me, Auntie, just ask the helper to wake me up. Thank
you po ulit." -me. I was already talking to Auntie and asked to be
excused from the conversation. Naisip ko kasing mas mabuti kung si
Gabriel mismo ang magpaliwanag sa kanya. He'll just have to make sure
that he's gonna say the right words and not those that are gonna screw
us even more than we already are right now. Baka masakal ko na talaga
siya kapag nagkamali siya sa sasabihin niya.

I went upstairs and took some rest. Ayoko ng isipin kung anong pwede
nilang pag-usapan. I'm leaving everything to Gabriel as of the moment.
Nakakapagod din ang umagang 'to.

*****   *****   *****   *****   *****

"Gab, mag-usap tayo. Please? Hindi ko kakayaning mag-isa 'to." -me. I
was literally begging him to talk to me. Gusto kong maintindihan kung
bakit nagkakaganito ang relasyon naming dalawa. Ayoko siyang mawala
sa'kin. Mamamatay ako kapag iniwan niya 'ko.

"Fab, umuwi ka na. Next time na tayo mag-usap. Pagod ako." -him.
Kulang na lang ay ipagtabuyan niya 'ko. I don't know if I'm
overreacting, but it was obvious that he didn't want to talk to me.

He just turned his back on me and motioned to get in his room to go back to his own little world. I pulled him and hugged him from the back while saying, "Kakayanin natin 'to 'di ba? You and me. Hon, please tell me that you still love me? Ako lang 'di ba?".

I was expecting that he'd turn around once more and hug me back, but instead... ...

"Go home, Cole. Let's talk some other time." He took my hands off his chest and closed the door behind him leaving me there outside.

I stood there and just stared at his door --- CLOSED.. Again, tears started to fall down my cheeks like the rain outside. That's when I realized that things are not the same anymore. Things have changed... ...

I went outside and let the rain touch me or should I say embrace me. I felt that I needed it so bad just to lessen the numbness that I feel. My shoulders started to shake as I poured everything out as if my life depended on it. I feel my airways tightening and I had the great urge to shout so loud until my tonsils bleed. Pero kahit anong pilit ko, walang boses na lumalabas.

"Bakit a-ako nasa-sasaktan ng ga-ganito? Ba-bakit hindi-di na'ko-ko nasa-sana-nay na laha-hat si-sila ii-i-iwan la-lang din a-a-akooo?!" -me.

Even I can't understand the words that came out of my mouth. I just felt like telling the heavens that I'm in great pain, but they seem not to hear me. Ang sakit.  Sobra. Pero parang walang nakakaintindi sa'kin at walang nakakarinig.

*****   *****   *****   *****   *****

When I opened my eyes, I felt tired. I then felt a heavy weight on my left wrist as if someone was leaning on it. When I turned my head to look at it, I saw a guy's head. I tried to move and I might have waken him for he moved to look at me. That's when I realized who was actually with me in my room --- none other than Gabriel Tan.

I wanted to shout at him and get mad at him again for invading my privacy, but I was just too tired.

"Are you done talking to your Mom?" -me. It was all I could say. Nakakapagod kasing magalit sa isang taong hindi nakakaintindi ng isang salita. Kaysa magalit ako, mas mabuti pang makipagmatigasan na lang ako sa kanya. That way, hindi ko na kailangang makipagtalo. At the end of the day, ako pa rin naman ang magdedesisyon. Kung ayaw ko, hinding-hindi niya 'ko mapipilit. So, bakit pa 'ko magpapakapagod na makipag-away kung may ibang paraan naman?!

"Hon, I'm sorry. I didn't know they're here. Genevieve should've asked me first." -him. Bigla siyang tumayo nang makita niya akong bumangon para mag-ayos. I was facing the mirror while combing my hair when I saw him walk towards me and stood behind me.

When I was done pulling my hair up into a bun, I turned around to face him. I really just have to make things clear for him.

"Gabriel, listen up 'cause this will be the first and the last time that I'm gonna say these things to you. First, I'm sick. I don't need to be stressed by you, your presence, your every word and your interference with my everything. Second, I'm tired. I don't appreciate you bugging me when I'm awake. Third, I'm sick and tired. I don't need someone deciding on things for me 'coz I'm not a kid anymore. As far as I'm concerned, Genevieve didn't have to ask you because your family is gonna stay with me. I welcomed them in my home. That's supposed to be none of your business. Fourth, I'm not the girl you used to know. I'm never gonna be the same, so stop acting like you know nothing about our past and stop treating me like I'm still your stupid girlfriend from way back. And lastly, I already walked away from you five long years ago. I'm never coming back." -me.

That was all I said and then walked out of my room, leaving him speechless...