Infinite Chances

Bits of Yesterday

I woke up with something wet on my bed. When I got up and tried looking at it, I was shocked when I saw the red liquid on my hand. I was covered with blood. Yes, blood. I know what's happening. I'm losing the life inside me. This can't be. I have to save him. I have to protect him. He's innocent. I can't lose him.

"Ma, help! I'm gonna lose my baby. Ma, tulungan mo 'ko! Please! Tulungan niyo ko! Hindi pwedeng mawala sa'kin ang baby ko!" -me.

Nobody seemed to hear me. Wala man lang pumunta para tulungan ako. Hindi ko kayang tumayo. Mabigat at masakit ang buong katawan ko. Para na 'kong mamamatay. Parang mas gusto ko pang mawala kasama ng baby ko. Iyak lang ako ng iyak habang humihingi ng tulong. Nilalakasan ko ang bawat sigaw ko pero parang wala namang nakakarinig. Ang sikip na ng dibdib ko.

"Maawa kayo sa baby ko! Please save him! Hindi ko kaya 'pag nawala 'din siya sa'kin. Parang awa niyo na!" -me. I was begging. For the life of me, I don't wanna lose my baby. Wala siyang kasalanan sa mga nangyayari sa mundo. He has every right to be born and enjoy the world. Ibibigay ko sa kanya ang lahat ng makakaya ko. He'll be my world.

Para na'kong malalagutan ng hininga sa paghingi ng tulong. Wala talagang dumadating. I'm already losing hope. Mawawala na talaga sa'kin ang anak ko. Ni hindi ko man lang siya nabigyan ng pagkakataong mabuhay. Ni hindi ko man lang naturuan ng tamang asal ang anak ko. I wasn't even given the chance to hug and kiss him. Bakit ganun? Parusa ba sa'kin 'to?

I kept on crying while calling my baby. "Baby ko... Baby... Sorry... I'm so sorry..." -me. That was all I could say. Pagod na pagod na'ko sa kakasigaw. All I can do now is cry, because I know my baby is not going to be here with me any longer. He's gone...

"Cole? Wake up, Hon. Hey!" -him. I heard a familiar voice from the background. And when I opened my eyes, I saw him looking at me with those concerned eyes. That's when I realized that I was just dreaming.

I just looked at him and tried hard to fight the pain and hatred that was awakened in my heart. He was kneeling down beside my bed while feeling my forehead by his right hand and his left hand was on my right cheek. We were in that position for quite a while. Hindi ko rin alam kung anong sasabihin ko. Ayokong sabihin sa kanya kung bakit na naman ako umiiyak sa panaginip ko, because I don't owe him an explanation.

"Why are you still here? Why are you here?" -me. 'Yun ang biglang pumasok sa isip ko. Gusto kong malaman kung bakit siya nandito. The moment I laid eyes on him, I was already asking for an answer to this question. Bakit nga ba siya nandito? Masaya na'ko eh. Buo na ulit ako. Pero sa ikli ng panahon na pumasok ulit siya sa buhay ko, unti-unti ko na namang nararamdaman na bumabalik ang lahat ng sakit. Hindi ko matakasan ang galit na muling namumuo sa dibdib ko. God forgive me, but I'm really starting to feel the hatred all over again.

"Binabantayan kita sa pagtulog mo. Kaya lang, bigla kang may tinatawag na 'Baby'. Was that me?" -him. Shit! Sana hindi niya narinig lahat.

"Huh? No. What was I saying ba?" -me. I should be sure. Kailangan kong malaman kung ano ang mga narinig niya.

"Nothing much. Just calling out this 'Baby' and saying sorry. Tungkol ba sa ano 'yon? Do you wanna talk about it, Hon?" -him. After hearing him out, nabunutan ako ng tinik. Good thing he didn't understand much. Good thing that I don't have to explain anything to him.