Infinite Chances

Gabriel Tan - "My Now"

"Just look at it this way, we'll grow apart and realize that we were never meant to be."

I had to wake up from that dream. The dream that haunted me for more than 5 years still hurts me. I can still feel the pain that that one liner made me feel. I hurt her. I know that. But when i lost her, i realized how stupid i was for letting my life go. For letting her go.

It's 3am and i can't go back to sleep. I know that when i do, I'd be dreamin' about that same time when she finally gave up on me. I know it was my fault. I made her feel unimportant and unwanted. I was a dickhead for hurting the love of my life. And as my stupidity continued, i didn't run after her. I just watched her walk away from me...

I got up and headed for the bathroom. I decided to just take a shower and maybe forget everything temporarily. As i entered the bathroom, i took off my boxer shorts and took a shower.

When i got out, I saw here on my bed smiling and asking me what i wanted for breakfast. "What would you like to have for breakfast, Hon?" I just love to hear her pitchy voice. 

"YOU!" I answered as i ran towards her and cuddled with her on the bed. I can smell her sweet scent of cherries that brought a feeling of possession in me. I own this perfect woman in my arms. I'm the luckiest man alive.

"I'm all yours, Honey!" That was my cue.

I love this woman. I love her with all that i am. I can love her with all that i can be. 

I kissed her passionately while trying to express how sincere and true my love for her is. I touched her like there was no tomorrow. I made love to her like my life depended on it. . . . . . . . . 

And it stopped there. . . . 

I was still standing by my closet's door. Yeah, i was just imagining things. Well, more like reminiscing things that used to happen when i still had my everything. She was my everything.

Now, i feel like i have nothing. I've got my own palce, my own car, a great job, a great mom and my fulfilled younger sister. My family loves me, but there's this hole inside me that is longing to be filled with that single person whom i'm willing to give my forever to.

I had a lot of chances to be with her, but i didn't give much importance to all those.

Gabriel Tan, Filipino-Chinese, 28, a businessman. I enjoy playing basketball with my friends and i love partying. I don't drink much, but i know how to have fun. Girls drool over me, but i choose my kind of tea. I don't go with clingy flings. I know how to play my game right. But even if i am all these, i can never deny the fact that i am saving myself for a certain someone who once ruled my entire life. She undoubtedly gave me her world, but things happened. . . .

I was that stupid guy who made a mistake by hurting the love of my life not just once but so many times, even i had lost count. I couldn't even look at her when she knew about my indecency. Much more in adding pain to her already wounded heart, i asked her to give me enough space to breathe. I had the perfect girl in my arms, but i chose to look for more. And when i thought i did, i pushed that girl away while thinking that i can easily have her back when i had enough fun with the others. I was that asshole who didn't appreciate what i already had until i lost it.

I was looking for the right shade of suit for today's conference when i heard her voice saying, "The light pink polo would look good on your red tie, Honey." 

"Really? Wouldn't i look gay in this pair?"She loved to prepare my outfit, but it worries me sometimes. I don't usually wear girly colors, for it might give my associates the wrong idea of my gender. I know i look good, but i just can't wear anything. If you know what i mean, guys.