Perhaps Love (Jinsoo ff)

(6) #IAmReady

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JISOO's POV

When we got the letter from the palace, both of my parents were rhapsodic. For them, this arrangement will totally change and help our family and the big hitch for everything was me. Don't get me wrong, I really want to help my father and my mother but not in this way. It was better for me if they'll allow me to stop my studies and just search for a decent job. I didn't want to be a disobedient daughter, but these were really my honest opinions.

I don't want to become part of a Royal family. I don't want to become a princess. And I don't want to marry that Prince. I want to marry someone who is truly, deeply, madly in love with me. I believe in true love and the words 'fake love' are not welcome in my vocabulary.

After school, I always straightly went to my room and hid there. This was the only way to avoid the chattering of our full house, my mom trying to come up with an argument that would want to sway me and my dad asking me for the missing ring. But I couldn't avoid them much longer. It was approaching dinner time and being the eldest child, preparing the utensils duties fell on me.

I pulled myself out of bed and walked to the kitchen. I got a blank stare from my mom with no words. We did a silent dance through the kitchen and dining room as we prepared kimchi stew, chicken skewers, gyeran mari and set the table for four.

If I glanced up from a task, she'd throw me a merciful look as if she could convince me to change my mind. But I knew she knew that I was stubborn and she couldn't stand it but I got that this from her, so she shouldn't have been surprised.

Meanwhile, dad walked into the scene and took a seat quietly. He had been tense lately and I knew his reason. Followed by my brother, he also took his seat as the three of us waited for mother to take hers too. Mom finally settled herself as she set down the pitcher of orange juice.

"Princess Jisoo, have you considered accepting the Queen's invitation for tomorrow?" she said, no longer able to contain herself. Here we go again. I sighed aloud, thinking that paying the Queen a visit might actually be something close to death.

"Why do I have to do this?" my heart hurt just thinking of this situation.

"You should come sweetheart" my father chimed in.

"Why are you forcing me with this arrangement? This has nothing to do with me" I said with a low tone voice.

"These last few years have been very hard on your father, Jisoo" my mother hissed.

I know. 

When she talked about it that way, there was nothing to smile about. Things had been strained for far too long. I was fully aware that we barely survived each day. Both of them were working so hard but in the end of the day, it wasn't enough. Our tiny world was unsteady for years now.

When I thought of it that way, this arranged marriage seemed like a rope, something sure I could grab onto. That stupid ring could lift me out of darkness, and I could pull my family along with me.

"Fine, if you find that ring, I'll go. But if you didn't find it maybe it's a sign that accepting that promise is not the only solution to our problem" with a heavy heart, I considered their plan for me but with a condition. After taking only three tablespoons of my food, I excused myself.

I went back to my room and cried here silently. This wasn't the way I anticipated my life to be. I crumbled in my bed as I hid myself under my blanket. Just then, I heard someone entered my room as I felt the foam of my bed moved slightly. I stopped crying and pretended to be asleep.