Spring Day 轉; knj + ksj

The Suffering Life

There was so much backlash and there were too many baseless rumours surrounding the reason(s) behind BTS' separation. Even my own family wasn't cutting me some slack. They were completely disappointed in how I supported each of the members going solo. They were also equally enraged at Jin's decision to depart first. Home was supposed to be my refuge, yet it became a battleground. I couldn't go outside as well without being bothered by reporters, fans, anti-fans, and other people.

My mind was becoming so restless and bothered that I decided to enroll in the military, which was known to be a stressful, near hell-like situation. Ironic, huh? What was even funnier was how Yoongi and I ended up being stationed in the same base, one of the worst ones. I knew that I had never been lucky, so I wasn't surprised when I got this base which was located in a very rural area in the North. The area was known to be very cold during the winters and there was only outdoor plumbing.

What I didn't expect was seeing Yoongi there. When the two of us saw one another, we pointed at each other and scoffed. The same thought ran through our minds: "No way! What were the odds? Such a copycat."

What I didn't know then was that it wasn't just the two of us who had chosen to go to the military. Hoseok and Jungkook both elected to serve their military sentence as well. Jimin, on the other hand, had decided to perform musicals and theatre. Taehyung was starring in web dramas and movies and had several CFs.

Time at the military was both physically and mentally exhausting. We were void of almost all contact from the outside world. Our meals were bland. We did so many chores and were off digging holes, clearing roads, hiking mountains, doing exercises, and repairing items. Often, we were yelled at by higher level officers and we'd have to follow mind numbing rules. There were several times when I'd speak up about the unfairness, but I'd only be reprimanded. Yoongi and I were tended to be the ones that'd have to go out and run laps. We once snuck some choco pie and we were caught. Neither of us would confess who the culprit was, so we were both forced to put on heavy backpacks and run forty laps in the cold winter in January. I told him how stupid he was and he said likewise to me.

The one good thing the military did to me was that I learned to appreciate what I already had, which was something that Yoongi used to say a lot. He'd tell us not to be so greedy with our goals. We should be happy with what we had, except none of us listened to him. We wanted more and more, yet the more we satisfied our appetite, the more we craved for other dishes. After my military term, I was just happy that I could have a burger and fries and have my own bed.

I started living simply. Two years later, the controversies had died down and Big Hit had already debuted a new boy group. Bang PD saw how empty handed I was and suggested that I write a few songs for the group. There were five of them and when I saw them I couldn't help but feel how young they were. I was like them several years ago. How nostalgic. The youth in their eyes shined—eyes filled with hope and dreams. I hoped that they could dream for as long as they could. I hoped that nothing would tear down their wishes, but was it right to keep Hypnos by their side? We were once stuck in an illusion too and when we broke from that mold, all that was left to greet us was pain. That was part of growing up though?

Th-Then . . . I don't want to grow up. I hate this adult . . . stuff.

Jungkook was about the age of the youngest member of this group when he debuted too. I wondered how that rascal was doing. Even after my military training, I didn't see any of the other members. Yoongi and I also lost contact. When we left the base, I remembered asking him what his future plans were. He only shrugged and said good-bye.

Ironically, none of us had left the group conversation we used when we were BTS. The conversation was simply saved as history and left suspended. The last message was about ordering chicken. Sometimes I'd debate whether I should message on that group chat to ask how everyone was doing. However, whenever I typed something, I'd end up deleting those phrases. For some reason, I just couldn't bring myself to hit the send button.