Hindrances

Chapter 29

I take it all back.
Things were not better than I had hoped. Things weren't even a little bit good.
"You are with child, Miss Hemmings. You're about a month along."
I couldn't even be surprised, but I was still disappointed. I went to the doctor because I thought I had some illness for the past week.
"Is there a reason you are with child and you aren't married?"
I didn't miss the judgement in his voice.
"I was raped by two men," I growled through clenched teeth.
"Perhaps you should marry one of them, otherwise you will cause a scandal."
I slammed my fist down on his desk.
"I will not marry one of my rapists! Why did you think I would even consider that? Men don't get it!"
"Good luck trying to find someone to marry. Once a man discovers you are with child, you'll have no where to go. You should get married before you start to show."
"Good thing I don't need to get married! I make more money in one month than you do in an entire year! Providing for myself and my child won't even be a struggle! I'm done here. Thank you, Dr Jones, for your advice, but you can stick it where the sun doesn't shine!"
I slammed the door behind me.
My head was swimming with questions. I didn't bother asking the "how" since that was obvious enough. "Who?" Now, the father would probably be either Dayus or Chandler, since they took me an entire day before Damien did.
Do I keep it? London orphanages are terrible. Could I have a child and just leave it in such desolate conditions?
I have heard stories of how women could get rid of the baby before it's even born. Could I do that?

I'm so fucked.

I made my way back to Lancaster Offices and headed straight to Connor.
"Connor, I'm in such a mess right now." He quickly caught on to the panic in my voice.
We went to my room and closed the door for privacy.
"What's goin' on lass?"
"I'm with child! And I don't even know who the father is!"
"I guess there's no way of tellin' until it's born. You'll just 'ave to wait and see who it resembles the most."
"How do I tell Mr Lancaster?"
"Any way ye want. 'E would probably like to know."
"God, he's going to hate me so much!"
"Nay lass, 'e won't hate ye. I'm not the only one that 'eard the two of ye last month. It was obvious that 'e loved ye too. But ye need to tell 'im, that much is certain."
"When should I tell him?"
"Probably soon as possible. What would ye gain from waitin'? That'll just cause a lot of stress for ye."
"So... Like now?"
"Unless ye could think of a better time."
"Come with me?"
Connor nodded and followed behind me. He put a hand on my shoulder for encouragement as I knocked on Mr Lancaster's door.
"Name."
"It's Amy."
"Come in."
I looked to Connor, and he mouthed "I'll wait here," to me.
"Mr Lancast-" I had already shut the door behind me.
"Amy, you ought to know by now that I prefer it when you call me by my first name."
That made me relax. He still wanted to be informal with me.
"Well, Damien, I went to the doctor this morning."
I sat down across from Damien at his desk. It was difficult looking around the office, since we had tainted almost every surface in the room.
Damien rested his chin on his fists, leaning forward.
"Yes, you mentioned something about the doctor last night."
Last night I had told him that I would see a doctor while we were wrapped in each other's arms (yes, we still had clothes on). Not only was Damien a post sex cuddler, but he really enjoyed cuddling in general. At first I thought I was the clingy one in our "relationship" (if one could call it a relationship), but Damien proved me wrong.
Now, however, I felt self conscious since Damien's steel grey eyes were boring into my head with a great intensity. I decided to focus on the ring of green around his pupil.
"As you know, I've been feeling sick."
"I was well aware of that. When ever you woke up in the middle of the night to throw up, I'd be the one holding your hair out of your face."
"And I thank you for that, but I'm not sick."
Damien's body tensed up infinitesimally. If you didn't know him, you wouldn't have noticed.
But I knew this man better than just about every one else in existence.
"I am certain that vomiting as profusely as you have been is not typical human behavior."
"No, but it is some very typical woman behavior."
"Men vomit too."
"Not when they're with child."
"Men can't be with ch- wait."
Something must have clicked in his mind. Suddenly, he snapped his pencil in half.
"Miss Hemmings, are you...?"
"Yes."
Whatever was left of his pencil was crushed to dust in his hand.
"And there's no way of knowing who the father is."
"Correct, at least until it's born, from there we could tell based on looks-"
"Get out."
"Wh-what?"
I timidly looked up at him and saw anger freezing in the depths of his eyes.
"I said, Miss Hemmings, Get. Out."
"But-"
"What don't you understand? Get the fuck out of my office!" Mr Lancaster yelled at me.

What the hell? That was abrupt!

"Damien, I-"
He actually flipped his desk over in rage, and I flinched away from him, terrified. The loud crash made me jump, and part of the desk splintered.
"Don't call me that!"
"Mr Lancaster! What's wrong?"

Should I even try to calm him down?

"You! You are still here! Leave, I never want to see you again!"
I ran out, tears pouring down my face. Connor was waiting by the door for me, just looking confused. I ran to him, and he pulled me into a hug.
"I'm so sorry Amy, I 'ad no idea that Boss would react like that."
"It's not your fault Connor," I choked out.
"If you two are going to make so much nosie, you should step away from my office door!" Mr Lancaster hissed at us. I hadn't even realized that he opened the door.
"Aye Boss, what the hell are ye doin'?"
"Working. Something you should get back to doing."
"Apologize to Amy!"
"Why? Are you trying to be the bastard's father? Go right ahead, but it will never truly be yours."
"Maybe, maybe not, but at least I won't be the one that betrayed 'er!"
Some employees who had been passing by stopped to watch the spectacle unfold, but they ran off when Mr Lancaster glared at them.
"Mr Lancaster," I said, whispering this time, "you said you loved me."
"Yes, what a horrible decision that was!"
The initial impact of his words felt like I got a shot gun blast to the heart, but then a dull aching filled every bit of my being.
"But... If you didn't care about me, why did you go so far with me that night?" My voice shook. I was afraid of the answer, and I was 90 per cent sure I didn't want to know, but I still asked. Why did I still ask?
"Why do you think? Do not overanalyze it: I am a man, and you are a woman. There is nothing more to it than that."
I just stood there, frozen in shock.
"You can leave now. Connor, I don't care if you go with her. You can go play daddy if that is something you want to do."
"Let's go lass, ye don't need to hear any of this."
Connor turned me around and guided me away. Before I reached the staircase, something in me snapped. Whirling around, I marched back up to Mr Lancaster. I jabbed my forefinger into his chest.
"I regret ever loving you," I hissed at him.
I didn't give him time to respond.
I managed to keep a strong face on until we left the building. Then I broke down.
"Let's think things through, okay Amy?"
I pathetically nodded my head.
"Ye need somewhere to stay."
"My uncle's is out of the question."
"A friend's 'ouse? Even for a little bit?"
"Victoria!"
"The Queen?"
"No, my friend."
I forced a smile. Connor was still as endearing as always.
We took the 15 minute walk, and it was as pleasant as possible. Connor tried making me laugh, and he almost succeeded a few times.
I was nervous, but I still knocked on Victoria's door.
"Amy Hemmings! I haven't seen you in forever!"
Victoria pulled me into a hug.
"I'm sorry it's been so long, but I was wondering if you could help me out?"
"Of course I can! What is it?"
I could tell Victoria kept glancing at Connor awkwardly, but she didn't comment. God bless her for that.
"My life has been chaotic for the past month, but these past few hours sent me straight to Hell."
"Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear that... Tell me everything, we can figure something out."
I took a deep breath.

She's been your best friend since childhood! Of course she'll help!

"I am with child, and-"
"How?!"
"I was kidnapped and ra-"
"No. Amy, I can help you with anything else, but not this."
"I just need a place to stay for a few days-"
"Absolutely not. Good bye."
She slammed the door in my face.
I balled my fists to suppress the urge to punch someone in the face, but I straightened my spine.
"I'll get my own place. I'm not struggling financially," I stated boldly.
"I don't know if a woman can get a place on 'er own," Connor pointed out as polietly as possible.
"Then stay with me. We'll use your name and my money, and get a place somewhere outside of London. Of course, it'll take a while for me to settle in, but I'll write to my correspondences as soon as possible."
We turned away from Victoria's door, with our minds lingering on the past but set on the future.