Hindrances

Chapter 19

Mr Lancaster isn't a frivolous spender. While he isn't super cheap either, it is obvious when he tries to save his money.
The dingy inn that we entered was a good example. It actually wasn't the cheapest in town because there was one with an almost caved in roof and a rodent issue.
So I was very thankful for this drafty and leaky room. We pushed the bed against a different wall to avoid leaks and we put our belongings under the bed so they wouldn't be all wet come morning.
The draft and the dampness made me feel cold to my bones, something that couldn't be fixed unless I was able to take a long, hot shower. Slipping on my nightie, I trembled with chill, while Mr Lancaster seemed completely unaffected while he stripped most of his day clothes as well.
Not speaking, Mr Lancaster and I laid down on the bed, sticking to separate sides and leaving about half a foot (which was as far as we were able to be without falling off the bed) of space between us. I snuggled down into my pillow, trying to conserve as much heat as possible.
"Stop moving, Miss Hemmings."
Mr Lancaster's sleepy voice was quiet and gentle. I suppose he was just too subdued to be his normal, frigid self.
"I can't sleep, sir-"
"Tragic."
I wanted to explain myself, but I knew Mr Lancaster wouldn't accept an explanation.
"I'm just cold," I groaned into my pillow.
"Unfortunate."
It really must have been unfortunate, because the next thing I knew, I felt two strong arms wrap around me, pulled me up against a soild chest. It seemed like forever since we were like this.
"Um, Mr Lancaster...?"
"Be quiet."
I felt Mr Lancaster nuzzle into my hair, pressing his forehead against the conjunction of my neck and shoulder. Even though Mr Lancaster was clearly settled, he wasn't falling asleep. I could tell based on his breathing.
"Sir?"
He let out an annoyed sigh.
"What do you want."
"Why aren't you sleeping?"
"Because a woman by the name of Miss Amelia Hemmings will not stop talking and moving about."
"It's a miracle you ever get any sleep."
"I had my medicine already, Miss Hemmings. It is causing me to feel rather drowsy."
"That's good. Especially since that's the point of you taking it-"
"What I meant to say was 'I am drowsy, so allow me to sleep.'"
"Oh, ah, of course, sir, I'm sorry about that-"
Mr Lancaster's arms around me tightened, almost cutting off my air.
Was he trying to kill me?
Was I really bothering him that much?
However, even though my breathing was significantly restricted, I didn't have it in me to complain. Dying like this seemed like the best way to go.
Besides, the way he was holding me, the way he was snuggled against me, the way he nuzzled my hair... It didn't really scream 'homicide!'
If I wanted to be delusional for a moment, I would say he cared for me the same way I cared about him.

You care about him?

Yes, I made that pretty clear when I was speaking with Samuel James.

How much do you care for him?

Now that was a scary question. In all honesty, it almost terrified me. If I developed feelings for Mr Lancaster, it would only end horribly.

Just because you might have feelings for him doesn't mean he has any feelings for you.

Fair.
Quite fair, actually.

I could only hope he didn't have feelings for me. It would only be dangerous and heartbreaking at this point.
But Mr Lancaster held me against him so securely, I could trick myself into thinking that he was holding me protectively, like I was a rare gem.
After laying still and silent for almost 30 minutes, Mr Lancaster's breathing had not changed, which made me conclude that he was not asleep yet again.
"Sir?" I whispered, just in case he actually was sleeping (though I was 97.6 per cent certain he wasn't).
"Go to sleep, Miss Hemmings." Mr Lancaster sounded quite awake.
"I can't. And obviously, neither can you."
I felt his hot breath hit the back of my neck as he exhaled slowly. He was silent for a bit, but then he just asked, "What do you want?"
"What makes you think I want something from you?" I retorted defensively. It honestly kind of hurt that Mr Lancaster would think I just take advantage of him.
"That is what people do, Miss Hemmings. They use me for personal gain."
My eyes went wide, but I tried not to react. I had no idea he felt that way...
"I don't try to use you like that, sir," I reasoned.
"I know, which is why this is strange."
'This' was an ambiguous term. This as in sleeping next to someone? Speaking to someone on a personal level? Not being used?
I didn't ask for clarification.
"I can tell there are questions running through your head right now, Miss Hemmings."