Hindrances

Chapter 26

Here's your second warning: this chapter is dark

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"Aloysha," Dayus cocked his head to the side. "Over here."
Aloysha forcefully grabbed the back of my neck and guided me towards the middle of the cellar. Without the gun at my face, I was able to think more clearly.
Not that I wanted to.
There were moments when I thought I just made the worst decision of my life.

Well, Connor certainly deserves to live, and this decision better be worth every single god damned pound Mr Lancaster has and has ever had. Yes, even though he has millions!

This better be fucking worth his millions.

I was deposited in front of Dayus, sprawling to the ground. Dayus was undoing his belt before I even had the chance to look up. In one movement, his trousers were off and he was on top of me, pushing my skirts up. I screamed and writhed under him until he grasped my throat, cutting my air off.
Vaguely, I heard Chandler in the background: "if you two try anything, you'll only make it more painful for her."
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out everything. I was mostly able to do that, until I felt a tearing sensation between my legs as he entered me. With his hand still on my throat, he started to thrust. Dayus didn't take it slow at all, which made the pain worse. Tears spilled down my face, but I didn't sob. That could wait for later.
"For not being a virgin, she's pretty tight, Sir!" Dayus exclaimed to Chandler.
"15 years of abstaining will do that. Finish up soon, I want my turn."
Connor was shouting profanities, both in English and Irish, and I could tell there was shock radiating from Mr Lancaster as he did some mental math. I kept my eyes closed.
Dayus did finish up quickly. He actually finished inside of me. I had the urge to vomit everywhere, but at least I could make it out of this alive.

Would it be worth it?

I heard Dayus fix up his trousers and Chandler got ready for his turn.

They're taking turns.
With my body.

I wasn't sure if I could hold back my vomit any more. It was like my body didn't even belong to me.
There was a sharp slap across my face.
"Eyes open, you whore."
I obeyed, but now I had no way of keeping my tears in. Still not shutting my eyes, I turned my head to the side, focusing on Mr Lancaster and Connor instead. Connor was still damning everyone to Hell, but I noticed some tears slipping down his face as well.
I could barely see Mr Lancaster's face. His eyes were squeezed shut, shoulders were slumped over, and his head was turned away from me in shame. He probably would have fallen over if Adrik's gun wasn't pointed at his face.
"Look at this, Damien. You better watch the entire thing. If I think you're trying to look away, it'll cause a lot of unnecessary pain."
Mr Lancaster straightened his posture, and looked on emotionlessly. There was a burning cold bitterness and hatred in his eyes that terrified me, though hopefully the look was meant for Chandler.
"Let's talk about the irony of this situation," Chandler started to monologue as he penetrated me roughly. I choked back a scream from pain, though a small cry did escape me for a second. I will never give him the satisfaction of hearing me scream from pain.
"We all call you little dove. Doves are a sign of peace and innocence." He punctuated every sentence with an even harsher thrust.
"Innocence? Certainly not, I am the third man to have ever been inside of you, and you're not even married!"
Mr Lancaster refused to make eye contact with me, and I have never felt so betrayed.
"Peace? No, that doesn't work either, since you're a murderer. Killing your father's best friend? You are a terrible daughter. I bet your parents are glad they're dead, so now they won't have to tolerate an ungrateful bitch like yourself."

Ignore ignore ignore ignore ignORE IGNORE

Those words almost hurt as much as the physical pain I was experiencing.
"Don't ye ever say that again! Amelia has been, currently is, and always will be an amazin' woman! Ye are gonna go straight to Hell for doin' this! I'll join ye in Hell too, if it means I'd git to kill ye!"
I tore my eyes away from Mr Lancaster and focused on Connor, mouthing thank you.
And then Chandler was done, spilling himself in me like Dayus did. He struggled to catch his breath.
"Thanks for not fucking the tightness out of her before I got my chance," Chandler said to Dayus as he wiped the sweat trickling down his face and neck. "Anyway, I'm keeping my promise."
We all held our breaths as Chandler did his pants back up.
"You three, get the fuck out of here." To emphasize his point, he kicked my side as I was still on the ground. I accidentally let out a pained whimper.
God, I was so pathetic.
Chandler lead all of his men out of the cellar, leaving the three of us behind. Connor immediately ran up to me, ripping his shirt apart and helping me clean myself. Although, it really wasn't assistance, since he did it all himself, wiping the blood and the seed off of me.
"I swear to God lass, those are dead men walkin' right now. If I git my way, they'll all be dead by the end of the week."
I stiffened when Connor pulled me into a hug, but I wanted to cry into his shirt anyway. I tucked my face into Connor's chest and he softly stroked my hair. Speaking wasn't necessary.
"Take me home, Connor," I cried out between my sobs.
How the mighty have fallen.
"Get up and we will go, Miss Hemmings. I do not have all day."
Connor's face went red.
"Boss! How could ye? Give 'er a moment, will ye?"
"She has already had her moments. We need to leave now."
Mr Lancaster's voice was flat and emotionless. He held no pity for me, even though he watched it all with his own two eyes.
That's fine, I didn't want his pity.
But I didn't understand why Mr Lancaster was beyond enraged when I said I was kissed, and now, after two men had taken me, he doesn't care.
What was I to him? A bargaining chip? A negotiation tool?
Connor helped me to my feet. Walking was a pain since I felt like I was ripped apart. At least Connor's arm around my waist stabilized me.
Mr Lancaster was several steps ahead of us. He had already exited the cellar and was calling to us to hurry up.
"E's on my kill list too, lass," Connor quietly mumbled. "I've never seen 'im like this."
Night had fallen again, for which I was greatful. I didn't want to see the dead bodies of Mr Lancaster's men. Unfortunately, even though I could not see them, I could smell the carnage. Everything around me wreaked of blood and burning flesh.
"Is there a reason why you two are so slow?" Mr Lancaster called to us. He was easily 25 paces ahead of Connor and I.
"It hurts to walk," I accidentally said while sobbing.
"Unfortunate. The sooner we get back, the sooner you can rest."
"C'mere lass, let me carry ye."
I didn't protest, since I was so painfully weak. Connor lifted me up bridal style, I wrapped my arms around his neck, and I pressed my face against his neck.
I felt so much shame. Six men had watched me get taken advantage of, and two of them were close to me.
I felt physical pain. Neither Dayus nor Chandler were gentle with me. I thought that they could rip my body in half.
I was weak, both physically and mentally. Fighting wasn't worth it. Why did I even try? Fighting has never gotten me anything before, I'm not sure why I thought this time was different.
I had to distract myself, and quick, or I might give up fighting forever.
"Cas?" I mumbled against Connor's neck.
"E's fine. I wouldn't let 'im come with, so e's at 'ome with his sister and mother."
"Are you going to tell him what happened?"
"That's up to ye. I can, if you'd prefer that."
"You can either tell him or not, as long as I don't know. If Cas starts acting strangely around me, I'll be very upset."
The trees cleared away, leaving a small dirt part with a coach waiting. Connor helped me in and was about to leave, but Mr Lancaster stopped him.
"Connor, you stay here with Miss Hemmings, I will drive."
Connor opened and closed his mouth a few times in confusion, but he eventually settled on "alright Boss."
Inside the carriage, I curled up next to Connor, resting my head in his lap. The path we were taking was convoluted and there was barely a discernable trail, but Mr Lancaster seemed to know where he was going.
"How did you find me?"
"I didn't, it was Boss. 'E didn't realize ye were gone for a few hours."
"Hours?"
Wow, as if I had any self esteem left to lose.
"Mmh hm. Boss ended up gettin' a letter back at 'is office. It stated that ye were... Absent... And that Boss had to go to the same spot 'e shot the bastard many years back to find ye."
"And how did Mr Lancaster react to that?"
"Boss wasn't happy. I specifically remember Boss sayin' that 'Chandler better not fuckin' touch 'er or he's got another thing comin'... Probably somethin' along the lines of absolute destruction."
"Was Mr Lancaster worried?"
Secretly, I hoped he was. Maybe that would mean he had feelings for me too.
He wouldn't anymore, not after everything that happened. I was a flower without petals: undesirable. Pointless. Useless. I'm not sure what kind of miracle it would take to make Mr Lancaster love me the same way I loved him.
It would never happen. I put him through so much trouble. I made him witness some harsh stuff. I made him lose a battle to Garrett Chandler.
"Miss Hemmings... Amelia, 'e doesn't really get worried..."
"That's fine."
"I- what?"
"It doesn't matter if Mr Lancaster used to have feelings for me or not, he certainly wouldn't now. Hell, I don't even want me."
It was true. At this point, I could never live a happy, normal life.
I really could just end it right now and just not deal with living anymore.
That was a rather tempting option.
"That's not true lass, and ye know it-"
"No! You can't lie to me!" I suddenly shouted at him, overwhelmed with my confused emotions.
"I don't lie, Ameila, ye know that." Connor was keeping his voice low and nonthreatening.
"But-"
"Sleep, ye need rest. We still 'ave a ways to go."
My head was still resting in Connor's lap, and he ran his fingers through my hair. As much as I enjoyed it, I preferred it when Mr Lancaster was the one doing it.

He obviously doesn't care for you, Amy. At least Connor cares, even if it's in a familial way.

I wish I hadn't gotten romantically involved with Mr Lancaster. Would Mr Lancaster even count it as "romantic?" He probably viewed everything as strictly pleasure because of convenience. Romance implied feelings and other emotions, which Mr Lancaster would never have for me (or possibly anyone and anything that wasn't his wealth).
I felt myself start to drift off to sleep.
"Connor?"
"Yes?"
"Do you still think of me the same way? Even though I'm a murderer?"
Connor exhaled slowly.
"Amy, just about everyone ye 'ave spoken to in the last seven months has killed someone. And from what I gather, it wasn't exactly unwarranted."
"I'm still a terrible human and an even more terrible daughter."
"No, ye aren't even bad. Ye are bein' too hard on yourself. Don't fret, Amy, and sleep."
Connor whispered words of encouragement and stroked my hair until I fell asleep in the coach that was almost falling apart.