Fucked up, Set-up

Chapter 47

Hindi na siya nakakatuwa.

"Sure," he shrugged, "I'm guessing that's what happens once you start being a selfish bitch."

What? Did he just say that? Hindi nakawala yung gulat sa mukha ng mga kaibigan namin sa sinabi niya pero hindi siya natinag.

I know that he's mad but he ain't got no right to call me a bitch.

Lumapit na sa kanya si Carlo at mukhang pinagsabihan. Hindi ko namalayan na nandiyan na rin pala si Caloy.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko to kinakaya. Hindi ko alam kung paanong wala pang luhang lumalabas sa mga mata ko.

"Selfish? Talaga? All I ever did was think about your future dahil kung sumama ka sa akin ng New York, wala kang mapapala! Your career was just booming here! I couldn't sacrifice that just so you could go to New York with me!"

Hindi ko na napigilang mapasigaw. This is what he wanted, to see me get frustrated like this.

"My career? Inisip mo ba talaga ako? O inisip mo lang yung sarili mo? Stop patronizing me at aminin mo na lang na kaya ka umalis ay dahil din sa ambisyon mo! Don't ever tell me it was all because of me! I was ready to leave everything behind and be with you pero anong ginagawa mo?! Ha?!" sumbat niya sa akin at halos mapatalon na lang ako sa tono at lakas ng boses niya.

"You were ready to leave everything behind you but I wasn't! Your dad wasn't! You told me before, no matter how fucked up of a family you've got, at least you have them here. You were just starting to build up your relationship with your dad, I wasn't gonna mess that up." My voice was soft but his expression didn't change. He was still fuming mad.

"What right did you have to make my decisions for me? Putang ina Reena! Tangina talaga! Iniwan mo ko dito nang walang paalam! You didn't answer any of my calls or my emails! How would you expect me to react?! Sinundan kita pero anong ginawa mo?! Pinagtabuyan mo ako na parang wala lang ako sayo! Na akala mo wala lang yung mga pinagsamahan nating dalawa! Halos mabaliw ako alam mo ba yun?! Halos mabaliw ako sa kaiisip kung anong nagawa ko! I did you wrong in so many ways, alam ko yun eh. But I was also ready to make it up to you pero pucha naman Reena, ako lang pala yung gagong umaasa. Ako pa yung lumalabas na nanakit sayo? Ang kapal mo naman." he scoffed na para bang nangaasar pa siya.

"Kevin, that's enough." si Carlo na mismo ang sumaway kay Kev at nilayo sa akin pero hindi siya nakinig kay Carlo.

"Ano?! Magsalita ka naman parang awa mo na! Tangina!" He was so mad. He was just so angry and I don't know what to do. Hindi ko makapagsalita.

"Tama na pre." Si JP at Bry na ang umawat pero tiningnan niya lang sila.

I couldn't take it anymore. Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko namalayan pumatak na lang bigla yung luha sa mga mata ko. I was restraining myself but I just couldn't anymore.

"Fuck this. I'm leaving." siya na mismo ang nag-walkout at nung makababa na siya at hindi ko na siya makita nanlambot na lang bigla yung tuhod ko. Napalupasay ako sa sahig at naiyak.

What the fuck am I doing with my life? How did we end up like this? When did it get so complicated? I don't know but I got his point at ngayon iniisip ko na rin kung umalis ba talaga ako para sa kanya o para sa akin. That night when I left, buong buo yung loob kong iwan si Kev because I was afraid that if I let him leave with me, I would forever hate myself that I didn't let him be successful, his dad said it himself, he wasn't better off in New York.

Leaving him was the hardest thing that I ever had to do and seeing how successful he is, watching him on the news and reading an article about him was enough. Alam kong worth it yung pag-iwan ko sa kanya. But seeing how mad he is now, hindi ko na talaga alam.

I don't even know if I have the right to be hurt. I did this to him. I did this to myself. I did this to us.

I didn't know how I managed to calm myself down. This dinner was ruined.

I sat at the table, Andy and Marla were comforting me. Carlo went after Kevin and I told the guys off too at sundan sila dahil sa galit niya sa akin hindi ko alam kung saan siya pupulutin pag nagkataon.

"Are you okay?" tanong ni Marla.

Ngumiti ako ng pilit, "I'm fine."

"Don't think too much into it. Everything's gonna be okay. He will come around." Andy reassured me.

"No, he won't. You saw how mad he was." Naiiling na sabi ko.

"I've seen worse." Marla shrugged. Kahit naman alam ko pinapagaan lang nila loob ko.

"Just stay the night, both of you. Slumber party?" Natatawang aya ni Andy.

Tumango na lang ako. I'm just too tired tonight. I don't wanna go home either dahil ayokong makita ako ni mommy nang ganito. I just called the house to tell them that I'll spend the night here. Si Marla naman tinawagan na lang si Carlo para wag na siyang sunduin.

It's been a long night and I'm too exhausted. Nothing good came out of it.

The next morning, I found myself alone in Andy's guest room. Tatlo kaming magkakatabing natulog kagabi dahil malaki naman tong kama pero pagkagising ko wala na sila.

Bumaba ako nang nakapantulog pa rin. It's a good thing Andy's got spare clothes for us.

Naririnig ko sila sa dining and my presence is not yet known as I heard them talking.

"He left for Surigao this morning." boses ni Carlo.

"Oh well, what would you expect? He always does this whenever he's stressed." Marla said.

"San kayo nagpunta kagabi? Ba't hindi na kayo nakauwi?" tanong naman ni Andy.

"Uminom siya magdamag eh, may konting naatraso. We spent the night at the precinct." parang wala lang na sabi ni Mike.

What?! Anong ginawa nila doon?

"What?!" nagaalalang sabi ni Andy at Marla.

Sabay ah. Nakisabay din utak ko eh.

"You know how he is and his temper. He doesn't back out of anything." Mike answered Andy.

"Eh paano kayo nakalabas?" She asked. Pagalit pa rin yung tono niya.

"Hon, can you relax? Wala namang nangyaring masama samin eh. Inareglo na ni Kevz, tutal siya naman may kasalanan eh." natatawang sabi ni Mike.

"Eh ba't kasi di niyo inawat?" sabat naman ni Marla.

"Si Kevin aawatin mo? Good luck with that. Hayaan mo na, wala naman ng masamang nangyari pa." paliwanag ni Carlo.

I made them notice my presence at pumasok ng kitchen.

"Hi, good morning." nakangiting bati ko sa kanila.

"Hey, coffee?" Andy offered and I nod.

She got up from her seat to get me one. Kevin wasn't mentioned again while we were having breakfast.

Umuwi na rin ako pagkatapos kumain dahil baka hinahanap na ako ni mommy. I don't wanna make her worry.

Naabutan ko sila ng PT niya sa garden at nag e exercise.

"Hi ma!" Nakangiting bati ko sa kanya at humalik.

"Hey, how did your night go?" She asked.

Oh you know, Kev and I had a fight, he walked out, I cried and stuff...

"It was great, ma." Nakangiti paring sagot ko.

"Good. Hinahanap ka nga pala ng kuya mo. He was asking if maybe you could fetch Niel dahil busy sila ng ate mo."

"Sure ma, no problem. I'll just take a shower." Paalam ko sabay halik sa noo niya.

How I wish I could easily tell her stuffs in my life but that would be too much for her to handle right now.

When did my life get so messed up?