It's You

Jung Hoseok

I know I told Jimin I'd give him a chance and talk to him but standing in front of his door right now...my hand is shaking. Our last kiss still lingering in my mind. Yoongi said then he was willing to let me go but wanted to still be friends...
What if that's what he'd rather have now? Maybe he wants to find someone else and just keep us platonic...what if he's already found someone. I know Min Yoongi. He was never the settle down type.
He was a badass player before and while perusing me. It took me forever to give him a chance then to take me out. One date turned into a one night stand and that one night stand somehow turned into a fucking serious relationship.
I never really got over my insecurities, though. I've always wondered in the back of my mind if I would be enough for a man like him. Sure, he's gone farther with me than anyone else he's ever fucked but...feelings change and maybe he'd get tired of it.
That's what really broke me. What I've always secretly feared came true right before my eyes. I've never felt more stupid or foolish.
I stop my hand for the forth time without knocking. Instead I lean against the wall and slide down on my ass. I don't know if I can do this. Our relationship is so different from Jin and Namjoon's.
While they're all hearts and flowers and full love story, Yoongi and I have always been trial and error. A work in progress that never really ends on the right note. Deep down I had always expected one day to wake up and him just be gone. On to bigger and better things....
"Hoseok?"
I jump in surprise as Yoongi climbs the short steps to where I sit, lowering his hood, confusion on his beautiful face.
      "H-hey." I clear my throat and accept the hand he gives me, hefting me to my feet. He frowns, unlocking the door.
      "You know...you used to live here and have a key. You could've just went inside." He smiles.
      I hum in assessment. "Yeah but it's your house and I didn't want to intrude. In case you were bringing someone over or something." Now I just sound stupid.
     He eyes me. "Why would I do that?"
     I shrug. "I don't know." I push past him and enter the house. I'm overwhelmed by all our memories here together. It hurts.
      He shrugs off his coat and hangs it on the rack before heading into the kitchen. I sit down on the couch and wait for him. I replay my conversation with Jimin over and over again in my head.
      "Is Jin alright? I heard he had an accident." He asks, coming back into the room with two glasses and a bottle of my favorite wine. I stare at it as he pours some for us.
      I sample a sip before sitting it back down. I really don't need to get drunk and I know I'm a lightweight. "He's fine. Pregnant actually." I smile.
      His eyes widen comically. "Him too? Shit, is it something in the water around here?" He chuckles. "What are the odds?"
      "I know it's crazy. Apparently he's five months."
      "Damn. I bet Namjoon is annoyingly happy and excited. Driving everyone crazy." He teases.
       I nod. Somehow I end up staring into his eyes and the next thing I know, he's right by my side, his leg touching mine.
      "Why are you here, Hoseok?" He gets straight to the point. "You could have texted or called me about Jin. Is this about us?"
      I take a deep breath before scooting away from him. I can feel his disapproval but can't help it. I can't think right when he's touching me. "Yes."
       He raises a brow and leans back, drinking his wine. "Want to enlighten me?"
      I sigh. "You make it so hard. Always." I mumble.
      He sits up suddenly, watching me intently. "What do I make so hard, Hoseok? Explain it to me."
       I huff. "Talking to you! You make having serious conversations so fucking hard. You always have. Every time I've ever tried to really tell you my thoughts about shit you ignore me or shut me out or change the subject. I hate it." I blurt out, standing up to pace around.
      "You never gave me a choice, not really, and I'm not even talking about that night! Since the moment we met and you went after me-I was never given another option."
      He remains silent. Listening for once.
       "You wanted coffee while I wanted you to leave me alone. We had coffee. I wanted to go home but you wanted sex! We had sex! I wanted to forget about you and the fact you were such an asshole on that date but you wanted me to move in. I fucking gave up my life and independence to make you happy!" I stop to take a breath, wiping away tears.
      "I wasn't ready for a serious commitment and you said you weren't either. It was something I thought we were both set on but somehow that turned into me being your possession and a fucking marriage proposal! I've always let you have your way, Yoongi. No matter if it was good for me or not." I say, staring at him.
      He stares into my eyes for a long time. "I never realized you felt this way, Hoseok. I thought all the choices we made were together. Maybe I've been selfish over the years especially when it comes to you." He sighs. "I just...from the moment I saw you I knew you were the one for me. Knew you were meant to be mine. I guess that's a stupid thing to think."
     I sit back down and grab my wine, gulping it down. "I didn't love you at first." I admit. "It took a long time for me to actually trust you to give up your playboy ways and be just mine. I slowly fell in love with that bossy attitude of yours and the life you wanted for us. I got used to the idea of settling down and making a family."
      "The only time I've ever even considered wanting to make a family is with you. I know I'm working all the time but everything I did and do, every late night was all for you, for us. So we could have a better future and I could give you everything you deserve." He frowns. "I never knew you were so unhappy with us. You should have told me."
       I finish my wine and drop my face in my hands. "Everything was finally coming together. I...it really hurt me when I found out you cheated. The worst part...the worst part was that you never told me. Never opened up and just gave me the chance to get angry and get over it. The way I had to find out- I could always trust you to be honest with me. That was the one constant I could depend on and when I lost that..."
      He nods slowly. "I'm giving you a choice, Hoseok. A real choice. I won't bully you or force you anymore. I will let you make the decisions from now on. What do you want? Honestly?" He asks, staring at me intently, waiting.
      "I w-want you." I close my eyes, tears running down my cheeks. "I want you but not like it was before. I want to have the chance to do what I want in life and not just blindly follow after you. I want what's good for me, really good, and not just what you think is good for me because it benefits you."
      "I can do that."
       "I don't want to find out about huge life changing decisions that effect us both after you've already made them and left me out expecting me to just accept it." I glare at him pointedly.
     "Fair enough." He gets up and moves back to my side, grabbing my hand and lacing our fingers together. "I messed up. I know that and I can never make up for it enough but I don't want to lose you. I love you." He whispers, pecking my cheek.
      "I love you, too," I drop my head on his chest as he runs his fingers through my hair. "You got what you've always wanted Min Yoongi. I think I officially can't live without you."
      He chuckles darkly. "Same, baby. I'm a mess without you. So are we really going to work things out and start over?"
       I nod, looking up at his plump lips, kissing them gently. He smiles and draws back. "Maybe we should take it slow this time." He sighs, caressing my cheek. "Get reacquainted with each other. We've both changed so much since we first met."
     "That sounds really good actually." I smile.
       His smile turns wicked as he attacks me, tickling every inch of me and pinning me down on the couch with his strong body. I squeal and try to defend myself but the wine is effecting me heavily.   
      He nips my earlobe. "So I guess that one night stand is off the table?" He growls, sucking on my neck.
      I place my hand on his chest and shove him back a few inches. "Oh, I don't know. Can I top?" I smirk at his pout.
      He groans and sits back. I sit back up smugly...waiting. He's never let me top but I know for a fact he's bottomed before. I'm testing him. And he knows it.
      He sighs heavily. "Fine. If it'll make you happy then you can top."
      My smile darkens at the unexpected answer. I stand up and pull him to his feet. "Well come on baby. Let's recreate the end of our first date then compare!" I laugh running like a crazy person to our bedroom.
      He drags his feet behind me. "Ugh...I don't think it would count accurately..."
      I grab his shirt and shove him on to bed, kissing him hungrily to which he enthusiastically responds. "Less talking and more fucking." I groan.
      "Fuck..." he grunts as my hand shoves inside his tight pants.
      I smirk down at him from my position on his lap. "Payback, baby."