It's You

Kim Seokjin

"Come in." I mumble, debating whether I'm going to regret this or not. I don't even know why I'm doing this. I'm supposed to be getting over him...I think. I can't believe Hoseok talked to Yoongi recently and didn't tell me. I kinda feel a little betrayed like he doesn't trust me or something. Stupid, I know, but still.
Namjoon slowly walks inside, checking out the apartment, closing the door behind him. I feel nervous alone with him. I haven't been truly alone with him since...well...since the time that put me in my current predicament.
Just thinking about my doctor's appointment tomorrow has me sweating. I'm so scared and the last thing I want is for Namjoon to find out about it.
Watching him walk around is making me anxious so I casually sit in the kitchen and grab the bag of chips I'd been devouring before Hoseok left.
"As you can see, I'm fine." I frown, eyeing him as he sits across from me. Just staring at me... "Did you need anything else?" I huff.
He smiles. "I've missed you, baby. So much. I, uh, wanted to tell you something." He looks uncomfortable suddenly, making me stiffen. Has he moved on already? Found someone else?
"Well?" I ask impatiently when he doesn't speak.
"I'm thinking about quitting the company." He explains hesitantly.
My eyes widen. He loves working at that company. "W-why? What are you going to do?"
"Well, this is what I, uh..." He sighs, scratching his head nervously. "Yoongi wants to open his own company and I want to go with him. We can be partners and make our own music freely."
The bag of chips drop from my hands. Partners? Did he just say he and Yoongi would be partners? "P-partners?" My voice cracks.
He watches me closely for my reaction. Swallowing hard, I scoot away from him and avoid his gaze.
"It's not like that, baby. Just business partners. That's all. I swear to you. He means nothing to me. Not like you. You're my everything whether you want me in your life or not." He sighs.
Tears burn my eyes but I still refuse to look at him. I have too much on my mind right now, I'm too weak. I'm not ready to give in. Not yet.
I hear his chair move then feel his arms wrap around me from behind. My breath catches as he nuzzles his face into the back of my neck. Please don't be sweet...please don't make me fall in love with you more than I already am. You hurt me! I should hate you!
He leans back and forces my chair around to face him. His fingers lifting my chin so I can't look away. With his eyes trained on mine, he very slowly lowers his head towards mine, oh so slowly pressing our lips together.
I close my eyes and slip up. Just this once. I wind my arms around his neck and the next thing I know, he's lifting me into his arms, my legs wrapping around his hips as he presses me against the wall, hungrily devouring my mouth and tongue.
Using his shoulders for leverage, I rut against him. His hard duck pressing hard between my cheeks between our clothes. He groans loudly and begins loving quickly through the apartment, pausing in the hallway.
Completely mad horny and desperate, I mumble which room is mine and he rushes inside, falling with me on to the bed. I gasp for air as his hands make fast work at removing my pajama pants, my lower body completely naked to his eyes. He moans at the sight making me blush.
      The urge to hide under the blankets is almost overwhelming. He hasn't seen me without clothes in a few months now except that one rushed last time in the hotel. And we were in the dark under the sheets...
      "Don't hide from me, baby. You're all I want." He whispers, holding himself over me as he kisses my cheeks, lips, and nose. I suck in deep breath as he trails wet kisses down my collarbone to my chest, teasing my nipples with both his mouth and hands.
      "G-god..." I whimper, spreading my legs farther apart for him to fit between. He moans, grinding his hips against mine.
      "So gorgeous, Jin. I've missed your beautiful body under mine."
       I tense up, my insecurities rearing their ugly heads again. "Is that it? You just miss fucking me? Don't you have Yoongi for that?" I retort. My face twisting in pain and anger.
      He stops moving. His grip tightening as he looks down at me in shock. Anger changing his expression. He sits up and glares at me. "Is that what you fucking think, Seokjin?"
      I don't think I've ever heard him call my full name since we met nearly ten years ago. It hurts more than I'd like. Feels foreign.
      I open my mouth but nothing comes out. I simply nod.
     He huffs out a frustrated voice. "You really think that badly of me? After everything we've been through together? You honestly think I'd just use you for a fuck?" He sounds incredulous.
      I flush, ashamed, but refusing to take it back. "Maybe."
      He scoffs. "If I wanted a cheap fuck I could simply walk down the god damn street! I could find that anywhere. I'm here, practically been fucking begging on my knees for you to consider taking me back! Yet you still think I just want a fuck?!" His voice raises higher and higher as he finishes. He's practically screaming at me now.
      I flinch. Tears filling my eyes. His face hardens and he climbs off the bed, jerking his shirt back over his head angrily. "I'm done, Jin. I'm done pleading and degrading myself for you to accept me. Stop fucking playing with me and giving me false hope. Do you want this or not? It's as simple as that." He demands. Very serious in his ultimatum.
      I know if I say I don't then this is it. He's gone for good. Never coming back again. I've pushed him to his limit. He's right. I've just been stringing him along because I've been too weak to fully shut him out. I've been too indecisive. This is all my fault.
      But I can't speak. Can't get my voice to work as he waits for a response. After several long minutes he simple nods and walks out of the room. Panic fills me as I feel him walking out of my life as well.
      I get up and quickly pull on my pants, tripping in my haste to follow him. I hear the door slam shut and the tears rush out over my cheeks.
      I forgo shoes and run after him. Out in the hallway, I don't see him so I jog towards the stairs. I spot him jerkily walking to his car.
      "Joon-ah! Wait!" I scream, running down the stairs. Unfortunately, in my haste I miss the broken step halfway down and trip, tumbling down the last flight of stairs and landing painfully face down. "Ah!"
      "Jin!" I hear Namjoon's voice but it sounds like it's from underwater. Pain envelops my entire body and I feel a wetness running down my thighs as I'm pulled into his warm strong arms. His tears drop over my face as he calls 911.
    I close my eyes as the pain in my head and stomach overwhelm me and I feel blackness seeping in around me.
     "Don't leave me, baby."