Three Is A Crowd

Chapter 55: Bad Kind of Butterflies

So I knocked again, and pressed my ear against the door. There were giggling and whispering, which was odd for me. Since when did Lauren and Camila have become giggle buddies?

I knocked harder, and finally, Camila, all pitchy and out of breath, yells 'I'm coming!', as I hear footsteps coming to the door, some ruffling sounds, more giggling, then someone sighing. I thought I heard someone say 'I was coming' but at that time I thought I simply imagined it.

When the door opens, I remember seeing Camila with an annoyed expression, but then she saw me and she was obviously surprised -- but recalling it now, I think she was nervous?

'I thought you have practice?' she asked me, crossing her arms after closing the door behind her. Which I thought was weird, because the way she's guarding the door you'd think she's a bank security guard.

I told her I forgot my stuff. If she just lets me in, I'll quickly grab them and be gone in a sec. But no, she blocked my way and told me that Lauren was sleeping, and before I can open my mouth she's gone back inside, locking the door, then out again handing me my books.

'Nice shirt' I said, grilling my mind for some justifiable reason why Camila was now wearing the same limited edition shirt that Lauren was wearing moments ago. Like, how limited was limited?

She said it's merch. I said isn't that Lauren's shirt? She was indignant, insisting that she bought it herself at a Metallica concert, which I doubt a lot because I know for a fact how much Camila hates even the mildest of rock.

I asked her since when has she been a fan of Metallica, and she scoffed and said 'duh, since forever!'

So I told her to name one Metallica song. Enter fucking Sandman, is what she said. How cliched is that answer?

Other than Enter Sandman, I pushed. But then she looked so annoyed and accused me of interrogating her, so I decided to let it go. Maybe it was really merch, maybe she really did like Metallica, maybe Lauren was really sleeping inside wearing her own limited edition shirt.

Come to think of it, there were numerous suspicious instances that I thought was weird between Lauren and Camila, but I never thought much about it then. Overthinking things wasn't my forte, so I convinced myself at that moment that there's nothing to worry about, especially upon looking at Camila's innocent face. How could I have ever thought badly of her? She has stuck with me since forever, even when I decided to go to another school and wanted to explore new things individually, she still agreed even if it was obvious it wasn't what she wanted at that time. When I came back, she accepted me. She promised herself to me, she stayed by my side, and she made me believe that there is indeed a happy ever after.

Or so I thought. Or so I'd like to believe. Has it all been just my imagination? Am I just hanging on to all the words she used to say? Are they just empty promises now? It feels like it. Looking back now, it seems that every time she's with me, she's just a shadow of her old self. Every time I touch her, it feels like she's not entirely there. I didn't think much of it then, because I never envisioned any other alternative -- I thought she's mine forever. But now?

The dorm room opens, and in comes Camila in the flesh, bringing coffee and bagel, and I feel my heart skip a beat.

My Camila. Still the same beautiful face I fell in love with, but also inexplicably different. Somehow, even without knowing what's currently going on, our promise of forever now seems unattainable. It feels like she's slipping away.

Her brown eyes look much darker, richer... more intense. The usual childish innocent spark is gone replaced by something I couldn't explain. Even when she looks at me, her eyes don't seem as bright, like the way they used to shine for me. I'm not used to it. I'm used to Camila looking so soft and fragile and peppy. This Camila is more laid-back, more sure of herself, more aloof... less like my Camila. This Camila kind of intimidates me a bit. I don't recognize her anymore.