Three Is A Crowd

Chapter 40: The Case of the Missing Orgasms

Lauren has always been a free spirit.

She's an adventurer, an explorer, whether it's through the books she's reading or the rocky paths she's trekking, she always has this childlike curiosity to a lot of things (except when she's in her dark mood, then the only thing she sees is the dark void).

A firm believer that everything ends eventually, she treats everything with reverential playfulness -- a casual take on things, but also with a certain zeal to eke out everything she can from something and to enjoy every last drop of it while it lasts.

That kind of belief -- that nothing is permanent (except change), thus, people shouldn't waste their time trying to possess things or people to permanent submission -- may seem to border on cynicism, but it's what pushes Lauren to enjoy life as it should be enjoyed.

Because if one is aware that life ends eventually, then they'll strive hard to live to the fullest; if romantic partners know that love could end in the blink of an eye, that nothing is forever, then maybe they'll cherish each other more and focus less on petty things; if the sunrise only lasts for a few minutes, then the more she'll be excited to wake up early in the morning just to have a glimpse of such beauty.

Things end and Lauren isn't afraid of that. Because when there is an end, there is also a beginning. And in every beginning, if she carries past learning experiences, every start will just get better and better.

That's what Lauren believes in; that people should still go on and live and love and even if things end, just move on and go on and repeat cycle. Or at least that's what she used to believe in before she got her heart broken by her first love. After she got hurt by her ex, she started to become aloof and guarded, a total opposite of how she used to be.

But Camila has managed to chip away her walls, reminding her of her old self, or at least, partly. That's why even when she got hurt by Camila, she doesn't take it as a loss. It was an adventure she's glad she embarked on, and given a chance, she'll do it again.

That's a huge difference between the two of them.

With Camila, everything needs to be forever, or, at least, long-term. Things need to be concrete, certain, and with purpose. She works hard for her goals and she expects it to mean something.

With Lauren, it's not the destination that matters to her, rather, it's the experience from the journey that she takes pleasure from. To her, Camila is like the ultimate puzzle that she wants to solve, or maybe the holy grail that she's been looking for; Camila seems to be unattainable, which makes her even more desirable. It's the excitement she gets whenever she feels like she has cracked Camila's walls; a beautiful flower that she slowly peels, petal after petal; it's what Camila makes her feel -- excited and challenged.

Whether she gets something or not, to her, it's the experience and realizations she has gotten from it that makes everything worthwhile. Anything that has made her feel, even for just a few seconds, is worth the trouble. It reminds her that she's alive and she's not always trapped in her own dark void inside her mind.

That's why despite whatever happened between them, whether she was hurt or disappointed, it doesn't matter. Well, it did matter for a while; she's human after all, and pain still could slow her down. But it was a necessary experience for her; pain and pleasure go hand in hand in broadening a person's mind and view of the world.

And Lauren can build her walls again, that's easy; but she won't ever deny her attraction to Camila, specifically her sexual attraction. She may be all kinds of complicated (or a simple human being, depends on how you view her), but she's not the type to deny herself the pleasure she could get from a situation.