Room 1013

I'm Such an Idiot

Lance flipped his turn signal then returned his arm to his window. He stared at the red glow of the light. The other cars zipped past him, giving a slight push to his car with the wind. It was slightly rainy and the sky was covered with clouds. Lance huffed and yanked the glovebox open to retrieve the pack of Marlboros. His father kept them in the car, but Lance rarely smoked. He held a cigarette between his teeth and flipped on the lighter as he turned on the street. He felt the light stream of cool air enter the car as he cracked the window and exhaled a cloud of smoke.

Keith kissed me. He mashed his palm into his forehead, keeping the cigarette away from his hair. Keith kissed me.

Lance slammed his fist on the steering wheel, "Damn it!"

He wasn't sure what to think. How had he never noticed Keith's feelings? They were so close. Was it just because Keith was upset? Did Lance fuck it all up by leaving? By not pulling away? He took another drag and let it out in a shaky exhale. How could he be so cruel? Lance knew that Keith was gay, but he never thought that he liked him. Had he always had feelings for him? Even with the sequence of events, Lance couldn't help but feel like he took advantage of Keith.

Lance stopped the car at a desolate parking lot by a church. He stepped out and leaned against the car to finish his cigarette. He watched the strings of grey float into the air, his mind going a hundred miles an hour. What was he supposed to do now? Leave? He couldn't do that. Lance leaned his head back and looked up at the clouds crawling across the sky.

Do I...like Keith? Lance had never thought about it. He just figured they were really good friends. He ran over everything in his mind, picking out all the details that may have indicated something different. All Keith's cute smiles and the way he pulled his sleeves over his hands. All the times Lance had to hide his face. The angelic halo that always accompanied Keith's voice. Of course. Was he blind? How could he be so stupid?

Lance threw his cigarette down and jumped back in his car. God, I'm so fucking stupid.

"Keith?" Krolia knocked on his open door. "Are you okay?"

Keith ignored her and hugged his pillow tighter. He kept his eyes on the wall.

"Where's Lance?" Krolia scanned the room and peeked down the hall. "I-uh-I didn't see him leave."

"He's gone." Keith's eyes stung. He removed them from the wall to face his mother. He spoke in a broken whisper, "He left."

"Oh, baby." Krolia hurried over and wrapped her arms around him, sitting him up on the bed. She pet the back of his head and talked in a motherly tone, "What happened? Are you okay?"

Keith clung to her. He shut his eyes and let out a sob, "I fucked up, Mom!"

"Oh, sweetie." She rocked him back and forth. "What happened?"

Keith let out a few cries and pulled back. Krolia took his face in her hands and wiped his tears. Keith shook his head, "I fucked up!"

"Whoa, what's going on?" Keith heard his father walk into his room.

Krolia turned to look at him and shake her head. She lifted Keith's face, "Baby, what happened? Did he hurt you?"

"If he did, you know," Keith's father playfully waved his fists, "I can beat him up."

Keith's voice was barely audible, "I kissed him."

Krolia stared into his eyes, "What?"

"I kissed him!" Keith pulled himself back into her chest. "He left and it's all my fault!"

Keith's father knelt down and placed his hand on Keith's knee. "Well," he chuckled, "When did he leave?"

"Eric," Krolia scolded him for laughing.

Keith sniffled and wiped his eyes, "He left this morning." His chest sunk under a heavy weight, "And it's night now, and that means he's not coming back!"

"Sweetie, you don't know that," Krolia moved his hair from his face.

"Yes I do!" Keith tightened his grip on her shirt. "I shouldn't have done it! God, what was I thinking?! I'm such an idiot!" He pulled away and brought his hands up to tug his hair. He lifted his eyes to his parents in desperation, "What do I do?"

They both shared a look. His father shrugged. Krolia turned back to him, "Well, sweetie," she stroked his arm, "I think you should call him."

Keith gulped, "I did. So many times." More tears fell from his eyes, collecting on his jaw. "But he never answered."