-ˏˋ YOONSEOK | FAVORITES ˎˊ-

Violet

Author/ noraebangbang
Word Count/ 1.2K
http://archiveofourown.org/works/6943153
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The worst part of it all was that he wouldn't leave. It had been a solid six hours since Hoseok first locked himself in the bathroom, quietly and carefully weighing the pros and cons of each particular method, and every single time he peeked out of the door, there was Yoongi, sitting and waiting, quiet but speaking at such a volume that Hoseok felt overwhelmed by Yoongi's very existence. On top of being overwhelmed by his own.

Six hours, four sporadic checks, four times in which he saw Yoongi, sitting and waiting, quiet. And part of it pissed Hoseok off. Really, who was Yoongi to sit there like that, to watch and wait for...for what, exactly? Why wasn't he trying to stop him or talk him down or explain why he's even sitting there waiting? Why wasn't he leaving like everyone else?

Hoseok sighs and tucks himself back into the bathtub. He resumes the game he'd been playing on his phone in between crying jags and considerations and for a moment, he thinks about maybe texting Yoongi. And then suddenly it's not a thought anymore, it's an action, through shaky hands and blurry vision. He's pretty sure he's hitting the right letters but maybe not.

Go away.

Nah.

God, how Hoseok hates Yoongi in times like this.

They weren't frequent, not as frequent as they'd been before all the doctors and tests and pills. But sometimes...Sometimes. And in those sometimes, there was Yoongi. It didn't make sense the way Yoongi stayed when nothing else did. Not Hoseok's job, not his other friends, not his mother, even after her insistence that she was better and they were better and she wanted to make things work, really work, this time. It was all bullshit and it was all temporary but Yoongi was some kind of constant and that scared Hoseok so, so deeply.

I'm serious, you need to leave.

Come out and talk to me and I might go.

Another hour passes. If Hoseok times just right, he could probably just fill the tub, take all the rest of his pills, and let himself slip under, quiet and easy. He gets half the tub filled before stepping out again and opening the door.

Yoongi's head lifts, the phone in his hand playing some brightly-colored variety show that gives Hoseok a migraine. Or maybe the migraine was already there. He hates how Yoongi looks at him. Hates the way Yoongi sees straight through, past the black, into whatever's beyond that, Hoseok's never really figured that part out. Yoongi sees it, and he stays, and Hoseok hates him for it.

"You owe me like two hundred bucks," Yoongi says and the way his deep voice shakes Hoseok's bones makes Hoseok close his eyes. "I missed a gig waiting for you. So...y'know. When you're done here, we can swing by an ATM."

"Please just let me die without an audience," Hoseok says. It surprises him that he manages a full sentence considering he's not sure if there's any air left in his body. His chest is tight and he thinks maybe he's been holding his breath this entire time. "Please."

"I'm not watching you," Yoongi says with a shrug. "You had the door closed. You coulda done it six times over without me seeing a thing." His smile only barely moves his lips. "But you didn't."

"Because you're sitting here judging me," Hoseok says. "Go."

"Go where?" Yoongi asks. "I already missed my gig and my apartment's so far and I'm so tired..."

"I'm not in the mood, Yoongi. Leave. Now."

Yoongi sighs. Stands. Stretches his arms up to the sky and tips up on his toes and groans.

"The second I leave," he says once he's done stretching, "you're gonna do something that I don't want you to do. And I know you haven't done it because you're just thinking that you don't want me to be the one to find you because you don't wanna fuck me up even though I'm kinda already fucked up so...the longer I sit here, the longer you sit here. So no, I don't think I'll leave."

And it's not that Hoseok is angry at Yoongi. He's not. Not really. But he's angry--at people he thought were his friends, at being fired even though he's the only competent one around, at his selfish fucking mother, at life and its constancy and the fact that he never, ever gets a break. So he shoves Yoongi. Hard. Straight back against the wall. Yoongi's elbow hits before he does and he winces and tries to get his balance but Hoseok shoves him again.

"Leave!" Hoseok shouts.

"No, fuck you," Yoongi says. "Look, I get it. Shit's fucking terrible right now. But I swear it's not always terrible. It's all temporary, right? When this bad spell leaves, more good will come. And you don't wanna miss that. Now please stop pushing me."

"Get out of my goddamn house!" Screaming his throat raw wasn't part of Hoseok's plan but Yoongi never listens. The tears come back, hotter and more insistent, until Yoongi's just a vague shape in front of him that he pushes again and again until Yoongi reaches his edge.

"It's my goddamn house too!" Yoongi screams back, pushing Hoseok. It's weak and half-assed and Hoseok knows Yoongi's capable of much more than that. "It's my goddamn house and you're my goddamn world and I am here, waiting, and asking you to just fucking listen to me for two fucking seconds!"

The shove is weak and half-assed but Hoseok still crumples onto the floor, and it takes hardly any time at all for Yoongi to sit with him, practically on him.

"I am scared," Yoongi says, which catches Hoseok's attention. They'd been here before, with the yelling and shoving, but Hoseok doesn't recall a time that those words ever left Yoongi's mouth. "I'm scared," he says again and his voice cracks and Hoseok's heart cracks and he feels even more like the worst person alive, "and I love you and I have no idea what the fuck else to do. Tell me what I'm supposed to do."

Hoseok doesn't have an answer. So he says nothing. He lays himself on the floor and stares at the ceiling in the hopes that maybe the tiles will know.

"I want to fix this for you," Yoongi tells him, petting his hair. "Do you wanna leave? I mean. Leave the city. We could start over somewhere else. We could find a place with a yard. You could get that dog..."

"I want to disappear," Hoseok says.

"I don't want you to disappear."

"Well it's not really your choice."

"I know."

Another hour passes. Hoseok doesn't move from the floor and Yoongi doesn't move from his side and he still can't breath but every now and then, he takes in part of Yoongi and it's calming, it's comforting.

"They sucked anyway," Yoongi says. "Your job. Your shithead friends. Your asshole mom. They all sucked and you're better off and I know it's a lot at once but...Please just stay with me. And not because I'm begging--and I'm definitely begging--but because...maybe you kind of think shit will get better eventually."

Another hour passes. Hoseok breathes with some regularity now. He thinks about leaving the city. About a house with a yard. About getting that dog. About Yoongi, sitting and waiting. His bones shake on every inhale.

"Okay."