Long Live Us - Alex Gaskarth Fanfic

Chapter 37

But nothing changes. I don't see him anymore. He doesn't have time and I started to miss him a lot. And suddenly I realise I can't wait for him to have time for me every day. He's busy and that's why it's not working out. He doesn't have time for a girlfriend and I, figuring out what I actually want to do with my life, don't have time for a boyfriend either. Especially not one that's never around. Out of this mood and decision I just take a taxi and drive to Matt's house because I know they're practicing there. I can't handle it all anymore. I can't stand having that desire to see him when it never gets satisfied. So I just look around and then ring the doorbell. Matt opens. "Oh, hey. I didn't know you were coming", he says and smiles. He lets me in and closes the door behind me. "Yeah ... I didn't know either", I reply. "Can I talk to Alex? It's important." "Um ... yeah. Is everything okay?" "Yes." I blink the tears back into my eyes and nod. "Should I get him to come upstairs?" "That'd be nice." "Alright, one sec." "Thanks." I see him going to the basement. After a few seconds Alex comes upstairs. He smiles as he sees me. "Hey, what are you doing here?", he asks. "I have to talk to you", I say and make a step back as he walks towards me closely. So he leans back to the wall while I just stand in the middle of the Matt's living room. "Is something wrong?" He looks scared because I'm so serious. "I can't do that." "What do you mean?" "I haven't seen you in weeks, Alex! You text me every now and then but that's it. Every once in a while I get a call. I just feel like you don't care about me anymore." "But ... that's not how I see it." "But you're not me. You don't know the feeling of sitting alone at home thinking about you, okay? You don't fucking know. And I miss you, I miss you a lot. All the time. But I can't handle it anymore." "What do you mean? I am busy!" "Exactly. But that's why you have something to distract you when you miss me. I don't have much distraction but my friends." "But our band's just going big and..." "And I'm proud of you and the guys but you don't have time for me anymore, especially not now!" "It's gonna be over soon, I promise. The album is done, we'll have more time!" "Alex, you promised me you would make it work when you came through my window the last time. But you didn't. I saw you one time after that. And I'm sick and tired of that I keep hearing those things but you never make them come true. I love you, Alex but this is it." "What?" I see a lonely tear running down his face. I look away because I can't handle it seeing him cry. He's not allowed to cry, it's just wrong. "Why?", he asks. I look to the ground. "You never have time. And I need to see you, okay? This is not an ultimatium, I don't want to change you. I'm ending it right here. I thought I can deal with it that you'll be busy all the time but I can't. I'm hurt and I'm jealous. Jealous of every girl you even talk to. I know that's not my right but I'm still jealous. I hate myself for it but I can't change that. It's just how it is." "You're breaking up with me." It's not a question, he understood. "I never thought I would, believe me. But that's it." "No, it's not! We can make it work, I promise!" I shake my head and tears start running down my face. "Another promise you won't be able to keep." He takes my hand. I breathe heavily. I can't do it. It's killing me to miss him like that all the time. "Alex, let me go. Please." "No. Don't do this to me. You can't just decide that on your own! I'm in this too, you know!" I pull myself away from him without a word and walk to the door. I'm proud of myself because I managed to do that. I never thought I could be that confident. I really changed during the last few months. "You're everything to me! You can't just leave me here!", Alex shouts behind me. "I'm sorry", I say but he almost can't hear my voice. It's almost drown in tears. He pulls me back to him, takes my face into his hands and kisses me. His lips are forcing, desperate. I can't resist but I have to. With all the power I still have left I step back and leave.

As I'm at home I cry. It hurts like fuck but it was the right thing. Now he can't hurt my feelings anymore because he messed with my mind so much. It wasn't working out anymore. If someone would have told me I'd break up with Alex fucking Gaskarth even though we've been together for quite a few months I would've just laughed and told that person that if Alex Gaskarth wanted me to be with him, I'd never leave him ever. But things have changed, it's different. I never meant this to happen and I'm sure that Alex didn't either. But it'll be better, I'll have to figure out my own life and forget about Alex. It's not easy to believe that I just left him standing alone even though he kissed me. The memories of our time together rush aside in front of my inner eye. All those dates, the beautiful kisses, the nights we spent together. But it's the little things I remember most. Sweet things he said, lovely compliments he made me, him comforting me when I was crying. Having him sneaking into my room every single night I was grounded. The night when we were at the police station and him defending me in front of my mum. Finally that song he wrote for me, the sweater and the CD he gave me. I get the sweater out of my closet and lie on it, using it as a pillow. It smells of him so amazingly. The memories continue rushing by in my mind. Alex has been my first real relationship and yes, dammit, I lost my virginity to him if you don't count Kyle in. But fuck it, it's over. It wasn't working anymore. He made promises he couldn't keep. And that's almost like lying to me. But he did so many things. So many great things.

In the end I after all can't even believe I just saw him crying because of me leaving him. It broke my hear.