Long Live Us - Alex Gaskarth Fanfic

Chapter 11

It wasn't just that one night. I will forget about my past. I will forget about all of it because it just keeps pulling me down like a fucking anchor. And Alex keeps me up. And I will stay up. I pushed down all my emotions about that shit for such a long time, I can do that again. And I will do it again. I don't need all that in my life. Life goes on. That's what I keep telling myself. But it's not that easy. Joel is still in the hospital and Kyle is still out there. I'm still scared. But I don't show that off anymore. I can control my crying again, I think. I look at Alex from the side while he's driving. "Where are we going actually?", I ask because it's dark already. After dinner he said he doesn't want to drive me home so early so we got into the car and he just started driving. "I don't know ... I could show you my house." "Your house?" "Yeah. Why not?" "I wonder why you haven't shown me before." "I don't know either, so?" "Alright." What is this between us?, is the question I ask myself permanently. We're acting like a couple, complimenting eachother, kissing the whole time, meeting every day. But it would be fuckin' weird if I just ask him what we are? I thought about that before, it would be just lame. I don't want to scare him with wanting a relationship though. Maybe he doesn't want that. And I'll not do anything that could push him away from me.

He stops at a big house and then opens the door me. I get out of the car. My jaw is down. "Wow, looks amazing", is all I get out. He smiles. "Thanks." "You should've shown me before." He smiles. "I wasn't sure if it sounded weird to invite you. You didn't ask me in either, you know, when I brought you home all this time." I blush a little. "Thought it was weird", I admit and bite my lip. He laughs. "See." He lies his hand on my back and guides me to the door. He kisses my neck while he unlocks the door. That's what he does lately, he just always has to touch me, I think. But why would I mind? I'm falling for him so bad, it's unreal. He pulls me in and because he just looks so amazing, I wrap my arms around him and kiss him. He pushes me to the wall and closes the door behind us. Can't we just be together already, can't we just talk about it? I'm such a mess right now. I just really want him to tell me what he feels for me because I have no idea. Before it seemed like just being friends when we told eachother things we didn't tell anyone. Like my past story and his expierience with people who weren't serious with him. But I am serious. I couldn't hurt him with anything. He breaks the kiss and we both look at eachother, heavily breathing. "I could show you around", he says. "Alright." He takes my hand and shows me the living room and the kitchen. It's all really nice, I'd love to live in such a house. Then we go upstairs and he shows me the second floor, bath, guestroom and his bedroom. "You know what's crazy?", he asks as I sit on his bed because I'm exhausted. "What?" "That we've been going out for a few weeks now." "Weeks?", I ask. I can't believe it. "Yeah, didn't seem that long, huh?" "Actually not at all." He sits next to me and takes my hand. "Can I tell you something?", he asks. I nod without saying anything. "When we were at this club the other day and I saw you with that guy, dancing ... I got really jealous." "Is that why you kissed me?", I ask. "Maybe...", he says with a wink and kisses me softly again. My back shivers and my heartbeat speeds up. His lips wander down to my neck. I run my hand through his hair and breathe in his amazing scent, it's actually perfect. What am I even doing? I would've fangirled so bad if someone told me this was gonna happen. But now I'm just confused because my mind is a mess. He seduces me so much, I can't even think straight. I close my eyes and he kisses my lips again, harder this time. "Can you define our relationship?", he suddenly asks. Finally. Finally, I didn't have to bring it up. But now I'm the one who has to answer. "I don't know", I whisper on his lips. He doesn't let go. "But does it matter?", he asks. "I don't think so...", I say and wrap my arms around him. And I'm serious. Why would it matter? All that matters is that we're there for eachother. We don't need to define anything and I've been torturing myself with that question the whole time. He wanders under my top with his hand and pushs it up a little. I take it off and kiss him again, the chemistry between us is crazy right now. I get him out of his shirt and he moans quietly on my lips. That turns me on so much so I kiss him harder. Suddenly he's all over me, I'm underneath him and he's kissing me from above. We've never been this far. And I was always scared of it but now it's just okay, it's amazing. I pull him closer on me, lying my hand on his naked back. He kisses my neck, then my lips again, biting my bottom lip gently. I smile on his lips and can't help but moan too. I feel him get a boner and we both open eachother's jeans at the same time. For a moment I can't believe it. We're both in underwear, on Alex' bed. Someone hold me, seriously, this is crazy. But as we both undress eachother and he's looking down on me while he's trying to make his way between my thighs and thrusts, I think back. For a stupid moment I ask myself if it's even legal with the age difference, of course it is. I bite my lip and press my lips together but I start crying without wanting it. It reminds me of that moment four years ago, it reminds me of how it wasn't legal back then. Because of the age difference that was 6 years. And now it's the same. What if he's like that? What if he's like Kyle? What if that's why he took me to his house. "What's wrong?", Alex asks. "Stop ... please..." He already stops, holding me in his arms, lying next to me. He kisses my cheek. "What's wrong?" "Flashback", I cry as I sit straight. At the same time we dress again. "I'm sorry", I whisper and cry even more. He lies his arm around me. "There's nothing to be sorry for, sweetie." "There is, I probably disappointed you." "No, you didn't. I completely understand." "But..." "It really is alright." "Alex, I..." "You don't need to be sorry. Whenever you're ready, it's okay." Suddenly I hear my ringtone, someone's calling me. I wipe the tears away and get my phone out of my purse. I don't know the number. "Hello?", I just say. "Hello? Am I speaking with Sarah?" "Yes." "Well, it's Mandy from the hospital calling. I think we have news about your friend, could you come?" "Yes." I hang up and jump off the bed. "What's up?", Alex asks. I can't tell him. But I have to. My heart is going fast. I should've asked what's new. I don't know the number, the call was unknown so I can't call back. He could be dead. Joel could be dead. Or he could be awake. My heartbeat is going crazy, I shiver so much. The pain I had before is all gone, I start to cry just because of Joel. "What's wrong?", Alex asks and gets up. I don't care if he knows, this is much more important. I take a deep breath. I need to go, I need to know what's up. I fastly text Anna, then I look at Alex. He has no idea what's wrong. I can't think straight but I can't walk to the hospital, especially Alex' place is even more far away than my place. I have to ask him, it's my only choice. "What is going on?", he asks confused because I must look like I'm insane. Shaking, crying and probably red in the face. I can obviously not control my emotions and decide when I'm crying. "Could you drive me to the hospital?"