Long Live Us - Alex Gaskarth Fanfic

Chapter 17

I feel a kiss on my arm, another one until I open my eyes. I see Alex smiling next to me as I sit. "Have you been awake long?", I ask. "Just a few minutes. But you look so cute when you sleep", he replies. God, his morning voice is so sexy. My heartbeat goes faster again. Did he really just say that? And did I really not only dream last night? I see the clothes on the floor and the look on his face and realise that it wasn't a dream. If he calls me again after this, he's really serious. And that would be the best thing that could happen. Because then I'm not just another fan and he actually cares about me. He doesn't look like he's gonna get up. He just keeps on looking at me. His hair is still messed up but it looks so sweet. I run my fingers through it and he smiles. "Don't do that when it's styled", he jokes with a grin. I laugh. "I wouldn't dare", I play along. He laughs too. Then he leans towards me and kisses me softly. What if that's it though? What if his goal was to just sleep with me? What if that's really it? He could be like that. But he doesn't seem like it. I feel so weird though. He gets up and puts on his pants. "You wanna eat something?", he asks. "No .. thanks." I'm not even hungry. Actually I question it that I'll ever be hungry again. I put my clothes on too. Alex obviously does not think he has to wear a shirt, comes around the bed and pulls me close, kissing me again. "You want me to drive you home?", he offers. I just nod. "Okay." We both go downstairs and he opens the door for me as he takes a hoodie and puts it on.

Even though I'm alone, lying in bed without listening to music at all, I still can not focus. I have to order my thoughts and make up my mind about all the things that happened. Joel woke up, that's so crazy. And he doesn't remember the accident. I need to help him through this tough time now and he'll probably need so much help. But I'm there for him, no doubt. And the other thing - I slept with Alex. If this was it though, it would destory me. He might have said he fell for me on TV but did he really mean it? If he does or not, I can't help but mean it. I'm falling in love with him, madly. And I can not handle the thought of him just leaving me behind now. But it's not possible that he lied about all the stuff at the restaurant. All that about not hurting me later. But this is already more than I've ever dreamt of, right? But it's now not about being with a bandmember anymore. I actually started to like him a lot. The real him, not the on stage Alex who grabs his own junk to make fangirls scream and sing along to his perfect lyrics. He seemed so honest. But I still can't believe that he's serious with me. Is that just me being modest or is it that I'm careful and trying to not be naive about all that? He could lie to me all the time and I could not tell because I admire him so much. He just can't be serious, he's way too good for me. But then what's the point of all these dates and last night? He wanted me to meet the band. That has to mean something, right? But how does it all continue now? If he actually calls me again, is he gonna go public with all of it? And do I even want him to go public? I can imagine that if he really admits who his girlfriend is, I'd get a lot of hate from fans telling me that he's theirs and that's what I really don't want. But should I tell him that? And is it even necessary or would I make a complete idiot out of myself? He has had girlfriends before though and it's clearly obvious that you can't hide stuff like that forever. I don't know how to react to all that happened. I like him too much to not get hurt. If he turns me down, then I hope he does now and not after I even got more attached to him that I already did. But I hope he doesn't turn me down at all. But I could do nothing to keep him because I have nothing to offer him really. He actually has everything he wants and he could have even more. So why would he want me? He can get any girl he wants. But he came up to me after the show and not to the pretty girls next to me at merch. He asked me out and he complimented me.