Long Live Us - Alex Gaskarth Fanfic

Chapter 7

The nightmares have stopped lately. Because of Alex they've stopped. And just when I'm with him, I actually feel good. But why do I let myself think so far? I shouldn't be thinking like that, it's tearing me apart. I go downstairs to talk to my mum until Alex picks me up. I hate to be alone, I need to talk to someone, no matter about what. "Are you doing something with Alex today?", she asks. "Yeah, he'll pick me up in a few minutes." "We haven't really talked about that, honey. How did it even happen that you met him?" "After the show ... he asked me out." "Wow, well. Didn't you fangirl?" I laugh because my mum used the word "fangirl". "I did. But I'm kind of more calm, now that I know him better." "Isn't he too old for you?" "Um ... six years between us." "That's a lot, you know." "I don't think so." The doorbell rings. I'm happy so I don't have to listen to a speech about age difference and all that stuff. I open and he looks at me with that amazing look on his face that I love so much and that seems to bright up the world within just a second. "Bye, mum!", I shout and go outside. He pulls me into his arms already and kisses me softly. "What are we doing today?", I ask as we sit in the car. "I don't know, did you have lunch already?" "Yeah, at school." "Well, then maybe just get coffee?" "Well, I bet you want to be recognized." He puts on sunglasses. I laugh. "Seriously?" He also pulls out a beanie and puts it on. "Works every time." "Alright, if you say so." He laughs too. "I do."

We both order the same thing but as we see it's beautiful outside and the sun has come out we decide to take a walk. In a little park we sit on a bench on the side of the way. Even though we drank our coffee like within a few minutes, we still keep sitting there and talk. "How many exams do you have left to go?", Alex asks. "A lot. I mean, it's not like it's super hard, I just hate to study every single day, you know..." "Of course, I've been there." I laugh. Exactly, he must understand it so well. He takes my hands and starts to play with them in his. "By the way, I don't mind if you tell your friends about us ... you know ... not everyone at school but just your friends." "I don't know ... I only trust my best friend completely." "Well, I think you know best. I just wanted to let you know that I don't mind." I look down on my shoes and think. "What do you mean by: telling them about us?" He doesn't answer. I look up to him. I didn't realise he turned my arm around but now he's staring down on my wrist. Shit. What will he think now? My heart starts beating faster, my face turns red and my hands start to sweat. "Alex...?", I ask because he's just all absent, staring down on my arm. "How did I not see this before?", he whispers. I can't say anything. Obviously, he's shocked. But what can I say in that situation right now? "Don't tell me you're cutting", he gets out but his voice is so low and quiet. "Not anymore", I say slowly. He softly grazes over the cuts with his fingers. He seems sad. And disppointed obviously. "Why?", he asks carefully. Everything starts to come back in mind. And as I think of it, tears come to my eyes and quietly run down my cheeks. "Shh ... no. Don't cry...", Alex whispers and pulls me into his arms. He wraps his arms around me and kisses my hair, trying to make me calm down by softly stroking my back. My mind starts chaos again, all those memories come back. And that's why I don't calm down, I just cry more. My lips shiver, my whole body shakes. Alex' shirt is full of my tears but he obviously doesn't mind. He just holds me close. I thought that he would just leave me here when he saw my wrists. All those thoughts, feelings and memories come back to my head. All those pictures I pushed out of my mind before. They're all back. Why did he have to ask me about cutting? He couldn't know but he would've not found out if he didn't see it. "Don't you want to tell me, why? Maybe you'll be better then...", he tries but he's unsure about even talking to me right now. I'm such a mess, how can he even stay with me at this moment? I sob and wipe my tears away but new ones come out of my eyes again. "But it's fine ... you don't need to tell me", Alex says. He's obviously not really knowing what he can do, the situation is too much for him. "It'll be okay...", he says and softly strokes my hair, still holding me close. "Shh ... I'm here for you, always." I sob again and again. He's being so cute though. But while I can't tell him, my mind tells me again. I see all the pictures again, all the memories I pushed out of my head are back. That dirty appartment and violent grip around my wrists. When I was pushed to the wall and harassed by who I thought was a person who liked me, a person who pretended to be my boyfriend. My boyfriend who I had a huge age difference with. Six years. Suddenly I jump out of Alex' arms without even knowing. He stares at me with that shocked look again, the look he had in his face when he saw the cuts on my wrists. But my mind isn't done with showing me the memory again. I feel like I'm living through this again, I was crying back then too. I still remember his hands all over my me, ripping my clothes off of my body. Him holding me to the wall with one hand because he was so strong while he just undressed himself without any trouble keeping me where I was. And then when he thrusted into me, I remember that smashing into the door and him just jumping away from me. I remember seeing my friend running into the appartment, punching the guy who just pretended he wasn't trying to violate me. I could only stare at the fight, pressing myself against the wall now. I couldn't do anything, I was frozen. Even though he told me to run, I couldn't. Even though he wanted to protect me and wanted me to run away, I couldn't. I just saw the punches, the kicks, the aggression towards the other happening in front of me. I saw the blood and then I saw the most horrible thing. This guy who pretended to be my boyfriend, punching my friend so hard that he fell back and hit his head and his neck on the cold stone floor. Seeing him pass out and seeing him bleeding. Then seeing that coward running away while my friend was dying just right there. I remember calling the ambulance and then the next thing I knew was me sitting in the ambulance, holding my friend's hand even though he probably didn't feel it. And then me crying, just like I am right now.