The Fire That Sparked My Soul- Newtmas AU

Chapter Eight

I can't speak. I feel sick, but I force words out my mouth anyways, "How long have you known?"

"Years," is Minho's reply. 

"Does Teresa know I..."

"Of course she does. Although she's dating Thomas she's not doing it to hurt you. She does like him, but only as a friend. Teresa's only with him so maybe one day he'll realise he his feelings for you are too strong."

"Well, shit," I don't want to speak. 

"Crazy, right? How love is right there, inches away from you, then the nerves kick in and you can't push yourself to admit it's real."

"Yeah, insane."

Thomas's POV

I wish it wasn't Teresa I'm dominating.

I wish it wasn't Teresa's lips I'm kissing.

I wish it wasn't Teresa's t-shirt that's on the floor.

I love Teresa, I try to convince myself. I want her, not Newt.

Nothing I'm mentally telling myself is working. I can't love her. I don't  love her. My lips are trying to  prove me otherwise. I kiss and kiss Teresa but... nothing. I can't do this to her, it's not fair, but it's the only way to stop myself falling further in love with Newt.

I shove every thought out my head that concerns my contemplation between Teresa and Newt. 

I kiss Teresa with passion and hunger. She responds equally as hungry. My hands glide over her bare skin; stomach, back and hips. Her hands play with the hem of my shirt, debating whether or not to take it off. I help her make the decision and take it off for her and tossing it on the floor. 

My lips attach to hers for a few seconds before they trapes along her jawline and down her neck. Biting at Teresa's skin, I make sure I leave a mark. Her soft hands cup my face and lift my face back up to hers, although she doesn't connect our lips again. 

"Thomas," I can feel her warm breath on my bottom lip, "we need to stop. I don't think we should go any further."

Her voice is hushed but I can still hear it over the loud, thumping music blaring from downstairs. The vibrations carry on through the floor and up the walls. 

"Are you okay?" I don't really know how to respond. Hell, I know we're only eighteen but I would have thought she would have been ok with pushing the limits a little. 

"I'm fine but... I just think we should stop," Teresa sounds a little unsure with herself.

"Teresa, tell me what's wrong," I demand, my voice softer than what it should be. 

She shakes her head and sits up, push me off her lap. We both sit in silence, not daring to look each other in the eye. I reach over for her hand and gentle clasp it in mine. 

"Did I do something wrong?" I say, my voice crackling slightly. Teresa turns to me and smiles sadly. She reaches for her t-shirt which is under her foot on the floor. 

"No, Thomas, it's got nothing to do with you," her eyes are glassy when she looks at me. There's something really not right, and I'm determined to find out what it is.  

"Teresa..." my voice won't acknowledge me and speak. For once, I'm afraid. I can feel my hands shaking as multiple thoughts process at once. 

"You're my best friend Thomas and I would never do anything to hurt you. You know that, right?" Teresa treads carefully as she asks. I nod and let her continue with what she has to say. "This probably isn't the best time to tell you and I don't know if you're ready to face the truth yet, but you're in love with Newt and we can all see it."

I want to cry. I've betrayed Teresa. I've let her down.

She can see the hurt look on my face so she beings to speak before I can get a word in; "It's okay. I think we've always known. You're so close with each other and he constantly monitors you when you're at a further distance from him. But, Thomas, what you don't know is he loves you too. Before you say anything or begin to apologise to me, you don't need to and you never will. I know that you're only dating me to supress your feelings for Newt and I understand why you want to do that. It's not wrong, Thomas, it's perfectly okay." 

Tears spill from my eyes as her brutally honest words escape her damn mouth. I want to curse at her and tell her she's wrong. 

But she's absolutely right.

"I'm sorry," I say through sharp breaths.

"Don't fucking apologise. You have nothing to be sorry for." Teresa squeezes my hands lightly with hers to reassure her words. "I love you, Thomas, but only ever as a friend."

I nod and mumble an 'I love you, too'.

Teresa holds me to her as I cry. I don't know why exactly I'm crying but there is a wave of emotions flooding my body.

"I'm gonna go and give you some space to think," she announces. "If you need anything, text me."

"Don't have too much fun, T, I'm not looking after your hungover ass tomorrow," I reply sarcastically. She chuckles lightly before stand up and puts her t-shirt back on. I forgot it was lying on the floor, to be honest.

I feel cold and lonely as the door closes gently behind Teresa. My hands rub my tear stained face and eyes. 

What she says replays in my head over and over again. 

Everything starts to sync in.

My hands shake and sweat.

Then I realise I can't breathe.